close to perfect.

the past week was good.
the usual bai nian-ing at uncle david's & Uncle Roy's & mummy's & ad's family's.
im done with the whole bowing and offering oranges thingy.
im aging and getting a very bad backache
frm all the bowing
=S

even tho i havent actuallie slept in about 2-3 days AT ALL cos of gambling,
yesterday was still a blast.
and i mean PERFECT.
and since the past entries have been crude and disappointing,
ive decided to proclaim last night,
the 30th Jan 2006,
the BEST night of all.
=) no qns asked.
maybe its just wishful thinkin on my part that you would second this notion.
but i know for a fact
that yesterday couldnt be more perfect.
ohhh welll. (ok i admit) mayb it was a weeee bit too hot.
but heyyy thats excusable.
(:

just another random thot...
alike wad i just emailed to omar,
i feel like im always waiting and waiting
and waiting for smth to happen.
and when it does,
i think too much about it
and it ends up backfiring on me.
if you see it my way,
i always want the best of both worlds.
and i always want you.
and when you do express SOME form of emotion (for goddamn once)
i end up screwing up the perfectly planned evening.
dont i?=)

and i know, certainly,
that you dint mean to be so unorganised and end up pangseh-ing me.
but overall,
its the reality that you DID ps me
& dint try to make up for it.
but then again...
WEAK me will give in to your 'inefficiency'
and we'll go back to the start.
so here we are, once more,
just waiting to start all over again.
but im willing to.
and i hope you are too.
(:

which reminds me.
im done with this rantings
and i gottttt to bathe and get ready for the custom of havin our 'eurasian steamboat'.
heh.
(=
since we dont usually have CNY celebrations for the pure fact that we lack chinese blood, (hehe).

And its all in my head
I tink about it over and over again.

sweet smell of nothin'.

Random.
Very random thots are running thru my mind.
and im thinkin repetitively about these few songs...
- this aint a love song
- you had me from hello
andddd a Vonda shepherd song.
BUT i forgot the bloody title!!!
roar-.
it sounds alil like this...

i dont know what it is that makes me love you so.
i only know i never wanna let you go.
you started something
cant you see
that ever since we met you've had a hold on me
its crazy but its true.
i only wanna be with you.
NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO
i only wanna be with you.

And im feeling a lil down.
( evennnnn after i bai nian and collected ang paos.)
but the main point is that you pangseh me once AGAIN.
gosh*
is it me or is every girl supposed to get used to being pangseh-ed.
:S

becky yelled at me upon hearing the latest updates abt all her sisters' lives.
she would never fail to say...

Thats not how i boyfriend is supposed to be!
and you're a girl for cryin out loud!!!
stop being so weak.

etc etc etc.

well now you figured why sooo many songs are running thru my head.
pout~!!
i doubt myself sometimes.
cos i can spend a lifetime (LITERALLY) just waiting for SOMETHING nice to happen
but its never the case.
and yet...
and sometimes,
i can wake up at 6am or even 4.45 fucking AM in the morning just to catch a glimpse of you saying ..
"oops. sorry i got smth on later. cant meet up"

thats just so you.
so typical.
soooo.... YOU.

i never asked for a change.
and tho it would benefit the BOTH of us,
i dint even question your loyalty.
and yet, it dawned upon me that i might be too naive.
i might just be believing in smth that doesnt and never will exist.
and hence,
living in the perpetuation of a sin , which her soul had learned to abhor.
sound familar??
hahah YES.
our english text - Wife Of Martin Guerre.
not that i would like to remind all you taylorians of the wicked text we hadddd to study...
but then again.
relevance prevailed this entry.
heh =)

im gonna stop ranting here.
the coming week is BLOODYYYY tight man!!!
monday till sunday is FULLY booked outtttttttt.
gosh* i even have to carry ard an organiser to make sure im keeping to all of it.
=) heh.
cant blame the ppl when im leaving in like EXACTLY two weeks.
on a sunday.
well...
i do admit, i WILL miss this bloody homeland,
but then again...
maybe it'll miss me?
(: wishful thinking**

i wish for once that you'd love me too.
that you won't stop lying about the 'i love you too's.
then just mayb one day
i'll walk the path of love with you.
and take your hand in mine.
together we'll move..
this step and that.
we'll dance inside where the lights don't shine.
and after the moonlit alleys offer their ambience,
we'll waltz upon the truth of our love.
together.

happy cny people!

okok.
the week has been bad
just like every other f-ed up week
i fought with ad n dad a trillion times
(dont ask why).
only good news is that my sis Emily jie has given birth to a New-Zealandasian. hahahah MY THEORY of a chinese+ New Zealand baby!
her second child.
its a gorgeous girl!!!!
im yet another aunty.
gosh* i sound old alr.
pouts*-.

anyways....
today met up with B. at my place
and we rodeeee his bike allllllll da way to BPP.
well.... it may be like a five min ride.
but helllll was i nervous!!
to me...
it felt like an hour of trying to balance
and not fall off the bloody bike!!!
=) heheeeeeee.
danger is inevitable,
esp judging by the speed and power of that bloody wicked engine.
but i trust my life you WONT let me fall ehhhh.
=) heh.

anyway,
today i had 2 to 3 reunion dinners.
with ad,
with real mummy,
and daddy.
well.... almost 3 but i rarely ate. heh =)
ANDDDDDDD we went to uncle david's house at west coast to gamble.
i lost 30 +++++ at Jim rummy at first.
and my later winnings couldnt reclaim back my losses.
POUT,
den we changed game to mahjong.
and GUESS WHAT.
i lost even moreeeeeeeeeeee.
all to the newly wedS!
ohh and that reminds me,
congrats to Leon my cuzzie & his bride.
and to Zi Yan GorGor (another cuzzie) & Jolie JieJie (his bride).
goshhh all my cousins are getting married.
and going on honey moons.
and me??

i just turned 18.
suddenly.....
18 doesnt feel so old anymore,
feels like i just reached the peak of my growth and thats abt it,
no more loose wanderings.
=) heh.
its currently 4 freakin am on sunday.
and i got mass in like 3 hrs.
i KNOW im gonna miss it.
so might as well go for the later one.
heh =S
whooooooops.

oh and happy cny to all !!!
gong xi fa cai.
and may your year be brightttt ahead. =)

((on the contrary, the idea of meeting you tmr night and tuesday doesnt sound tht bad. mayb i;ll reconsider our date we planned ahead of our time =) ))

my life's a mess.

one more day.
yday meeting meg was the best thing!
youuuu really made me smile
(:
thanks meg darlinkkk,
for accepting whn i dint feel like letting you know stuffs
and
for listening so well when i did.
ilu megg.
and i always have.

so i havent exactly done anything useful these days with my visa/life/etc.
andddd im getting more depressed with each day.
face/body/life/love.
everything is just becoming a perception.
i dont really have a say in this shit anymore.

the testimonials i left for you girls
are the only traces of love i have left to show you.
and i may not have done enough in the past.
but thanks for your letters to me.
i never felt so loved,
cos even in your absence,
i am relieved in the fact that you still do love me so much.
gosh*
-overwhelming emotions running thru my skin-
how do i tell u i love you,
but in my prayers.
girls,
sorry i can even get bck our days of clubbing/piggin out/slimming
and everyyy word we exchanged.
tho its never gonna be enough to say im sorry,
but i am.
and yes,
you're engraved in my memory.
period.

whats left of my entry is left to be unveiled.
and whats there for the taking
is just so.
somehow,
the coming new year and festive mood is not kicking in.
and im not in the mood for anything.
i myself have a problem to solve
and i cant bring myself to face it.
plussss,
i have people to face and i still cant prepare myself enough to do so.

ultimately,
call me a mess.
and i'll tell you you're absolutely right.

tell me its real.

okok.
firstly..
everyone, pls watch "Derailed",
its a veryyyy different movie.
and i must say,
i was veryy impressed!!! =)
okok.

been eating crystal jade alot alot these days.
all sorta outlets.
i hate the la mian xiao long bao crystal jade.
its a total disgust to me. pouts*
went for a show and dinner AND supper with qirong.
it was fun.
bsides the fact that a capricorn and a sagitaurious (sp?) dont go tog at alll.
poof-.

den yday i went holland v with lionel
cos it was a last min thing.
and once again..
we ate at the 'nicer' crystal jade heh =)
and by the time we were done
almost everywhere closed early,
so he went back and i stayed over at mummy's place.
it was good.
first time in years i stayed w her!!!
=))))

andddd today...
i'll be meeting meg at HV at 9pm.
gosh. i really cant wait.

as for my freakin face,
POUTS*
i hate the doctor!!!!!
so much for going all the way to hougang fr treatment,
IT DOESNT work.
seriously.
talk about puberty....
some pple dont even get a single blemish.
all hail the flawless skin.
:(((((

so im pissed off and nothin much is going right.
but overall..
hope that goes well for me.
the doc says its serious but i dunt give two f*cks abt it.
i wish i knew what to do,
or even whats going on.
cos im lost
and practically no one knws it but me.
=(
pouts*

as for Breakfast...:::
heyy dude.
yes yes i miss you too.
gosh* cant wait till u get outta camp on saturday!
=) iluuuu dudeeee.
and i will tk cr.
pls dont worry abt me ehs?
mwahhs*

omfg

ohgod.
i dont believe sucha fcuked up situation had to occur noW.
my mummy's wallet bucket was faulty so
she brot it to a LV store in sg.
and loooooooo and behold,
they told her it was fake.
and thennnnnnn
she got soooo insulted that she called up practically every LV store she knew.
EVEN melbourne.
which is so fcuked up cos i was the one who checked it out in melb.
so the manager starts to call me
and WHAT NOT.
and wtffffffffffffffff.
gosh*
my mummy totally made a mountain out of a molehill.
and seriously pissed the fcuk outta me.
till i was literally SHOUTING at the bloody man.
gosh**
someone shoot me please.
i tink im over the fact the lv is even NICE.
fcuk them. and all their useless proclamations.
im done with lv.

for now.

just got up and im hooked onto the internet.
this just goes to show the impact of staying in sg for too long.
lol.
today seemed better than yday.
tho yday is always figurative cos its always changing.
and i dont think that today will be much more interesting than before
cos im going to town.
and whats new..
-paragon
-taka
-wisma
-heeren
-lido.
WOW. what have i not already been to.
besides the fact that im meeting qirong.
which is a pretty different idea.
cos this is the first time we're going OUT tog.
usually its a 6am kinda breakfast at some coffee shop or smth more implicit.
but today...
its gonna be towning.
once more.

ohhhohhhohhh!!!
and my mummmyyyy dearest is back from bangkok. gosh*
she's been gone like forever.
and as usuall... she comes back overwgt (in baggage i meant)
yippie. cant wait to c her! =)
anddddddd i somehow regretted not going there with her
if not.. i cant visit my linn one n only!
gosh . that sweet thing!
=) i miss you girl.
i wish u went aussie to study then it wouldnt be so bad.
wells...
lifes a b*tch rembr?
aand its time i got ready... to eat!
=) yummm.

*sprinkle me with love

today will be tomorrow's yesterday.

went to make my visa health checks today.
and laters...
met up with anthony (melb) and winston.
gosh those nitwits,
soooooo funny.
so bored in sg and they all wanna go back to melb.
IRONY of it all...
=)

anyway.
i just won a lot alot alot at mahjong.
wahahhah first time.
its a stress-releasing game
esp the tile-banging part.
LOL.
well..
the reason im pissed is cos everyone is freaking dying ard me.
and it has officially been titled the worst holiday ever.
and thanks to lady death who visited us,
i haveeeee a biggesttt craving to go europe for a holiday.
yes a two week hol and neverrrrr come back till its outta my mind.
its intoxicating,
the idea of being trapped in the self-desolation for the things i cannot change.
fcukkkkk.
i gotta run off now.
but the faithful blogger shall return.
and hopefully...
its with better news of a better day..

poutss,
and to omar...
thanks dear for being THERE endlessly.
i will return to melb soon enuf and we'll paint the town with our bare hands sweetie!
=) gosh*
a gush of love.
a rush of friendship.
i may be in distress
but you're my star.
always.

walk with me.

this is the first time ive wept buckets.
and i never want to meet Ms.death again.
=S

this week is pathetic.
ive lost a couple of ppl i love the most
and im confused.
all cos of men.
sometimes i wonder if turning les would alter the way i face men.
i really question.

i hate this week.
except for yday.
me lionel chris (cuz's bf) went to JB to shop ard.
we were stuck in a freak jam for HOURS.
and after that, to avoid the jam,
we went Hidden Garden to drink.
hahahahhaha.
we were a lil HIGH at first but then it wore off.
thank GOD.
and we talked, literally, about everythingggggg in our hearts,
in our minds.
and it didnt help that MR perfect-capricorns (all of us are)
have similar characters.
so when we start a conversation,...
it was heaty.
so our conclusion...
in a group of capricorns...
ONE has to give in.
which is pretty major for us caps,
but face it. =)

welll all i wanna shout out to chris....:::
hey dearest.
sorry i had my doubts abt you.
but guess what,
you're the only one i'll let my cuzzie danielle hang with.
cos you're a jewel
and we both know it.
thanks for takin care of my cousin.
goodjob at it! (except, WHY IS SHE SO SKINNY????)
heheehhehe
tkcr dude. peaceout*
loveeeya both to bits.

as for lionel...:::
DUDE you ar....
NOT HINTING WHat!!!
in an attempt to 'convert' chris' ideas,
you've converted me! gosh*
you sinister !!! =)
and thanks for the sweet sweet comments and assurance you've given me,
i appreciate it.
as for US,
lets wait 5 yrs and see what happens after that...
we always had a on-off kinda life tog,
and somehow...
nana's wish is... YOU KNOW WHAT.
so pls play along. and hopefully that becomes as close as we get to us.

to AHEMAHEM, her sis, and the latest edition.
i wanna say how much i miss you guys since you've gone.
i wish you back
but i know thats not even possible with a miracle.
my daddy said 'life is what you make outta it'.
but what if life is gone?
then what? ...
i know we shared the world.
and theres only 3 left of our group.
but it doesnt matter.
cos its gonna be alright.
stay with me here.
:)
i'll be praying for you guys.
and ultimately,
we'll meet one day. I KNOW we will.
tho, its gonna take me another 50 yrs or more till i DO meet you,
but i know its never too early
and never too late eh? =)
all i can sing for you is "Thank God i Found You"
and for all the moments we shared and lost,
we 6 were the talk of the town cos we loved each other so unconditionally,
and theres no greater being than love.
=)

avoiding all awkwardness. =S

im currently bloggin for the 10th time in my sis house.
and whyyyyy???
all cos of my lovelyyyyyy sis sarah and mark.
lets save the elaboration for drama.

well...
today i went to mass.
with williammmmm the bigfatarsehole.
dont mind the deliberate BOLD.
he was sitting righttttttt beside me.
so its a mechanism for annoyance.
=) heh.

went to clementi for a nice simple dinner
and den...
came back here to stoneeee out.
gonna play some mahjong later. well...
hopefully im not involved during LOSING.
lol.

im boredddddd.
and got nth to do but blog blog blog.
anddddddd ONE MAJOR THING happened today.
well at least a MAJOR msg i got that turned my werld inside out.
welll thanks to that horrendous msg,
i tink i'd never pick myself again.
MEN. im officially sexist.
freakin' SEXIST.
erghhhs,

Thank you for spoiling my day,
cos i MAY have liked the way you handled your ignorance,
but it doesnt give you the right to blow my lil innocent idea
of love.
and just the way you ps me every other day,
i hope you realise that along with you,
you took me.
"dont be angry" you say??
a little advice:
its about time YOU got angry at yourself for a change and stop being so self-centred.
the werld doesnt evolve ard lil mr. right.
and even if it did ONE fine day,
i wouldnt be ard to see it.
thankyousodamnmuch.

erghhh*

IM THE PISSIEST OFF EVER.
mr im-so-fucking-good-with-the-girls-that-i-can-cheat-on-them,
please get ur facts right.
i wasnt exactly having the BEST time of my life away from home,
away from my family,
away from my friends,
and away from you.
and bloody get your grey matter intact.
2 bloody weeks isnt exactly the LONGEST time period.
and literally holding two girls' hearts with your bare hands is a sin.
i don't think you understand the severity of what you're doing,
but thank God im sensible enough not to choke you,
and murder you after that.
and for all the SHIT you do to others and myself,
i think im starting to pity BBWW for her situation now.
shredded by you.

too bad i was too blind to see.
what you do to me.
and i wouldnt stop to notice.
you werent in love with me.

I wish i could tell you how much i wish you were out of camp,
and how much i pity you being in confinement.
but i wont,
cos' you're oh-so-cool in your own lil' werld
that others just dont matter.
and for what it's worth,
i spent 3 hours/$79/6cheesecakes/etcETC
just to realise i was in denial.
denial of the truth that i knew would kill me.
so i DID believe in a lie (even after foolishly confessing to myself)
but guess what Mr-Right,
im done with you.
take your things and be on your way.
thank you very much.

whoapouta

heh,
weird title to begin with.
hmmms.
im too much of a blogger now
that calling me a user would be an understatement.
i practically made it. LOL

currently im taking care of the babies
and watching Barney ruin my idea of a childhood.
hahahah.
i never enjoyed it so much.
=S
and talking bout the babies...
delia my lil twinnie is soooooo cute.
she thinks this other eurasian boy Taylor in her K2 class is cute
which is weird,
coming frm the tomboy of the twins.
andddd...
she made me draw a little boy and she colored it so well.
and below it,
she titled,
"Taylor".
lol. the laugh my fam will get when they see it in her little
My First Diary thingy.
cute eh?
and she dare tell me not to say it out so loud.
and after all..
lemme remind you...
she's bloody FIVE years old.
and when i remind HER about how she's grow outta it,
she retaliated...
"IM SIX!"
righttt.
so a year made a big difference.
well... to a five, oh SIX-year old,
every sec of the day counts
and the diff btwn a year could mean a boyfriend.
gosh*
and the hilarity of it all escalates when she speaks with her accent.
slurred and toned.
i must say...
children nowadays are getting outta our era.
like as if we're 10 decades apart from their werld.
=S
im lost.
my baby sis is telling me about a eurasian boy while I,
the bigger and SUPPOSEDLY wiser sister,
is lost in her own fantasy.

*Living the childhood i never had.

life's a miss.

never spent a week so aimless before.
well...
bsides studying week in melb.
but still!

this week ...
went to NEWTON finally..
for a dinner with Lionel, DAnielle cuzzie!, Chris.
that was after a whole day of chillin at coffee places like TCC,
Starbucks and what not.
oh and subway too.
thank you, yet sorry lionel,
for having you to skip schoolllllllllllllllllllll.
gosh the guilt running thru meeee.
pouts*

anyway...
chris lionel and me are planning to go to JB for a lil shoppin and more.
i cant wait!
till sunday.
welll HOPEFULLY it does happen or i'll skin danielle.
hahah Logic?
none used.
=)
as for today.... (Fri 200106)
im going to meet my lovelieeee church babes @ breko soon.
oh fine not soon.
but soon enuf.
in bout 5 hrs
hahahah 5 treacherous ones.
anddd tmr morn i gotta wake up at like
6.30 to meet megg in time at holland v for brekkie.
wheeeeeeeee.
i can imagine how my parents would wake
in absolute SHOCK to see me awake at that time.
lol.

anyhow...
tmr is supposed to be a Binny day.
going to a massive thouand dollar restaurant
and ktv after that.
a lil drinks here and there.
but dont know if its still on anot.
nana is still not in a condition to walk ard the country.
heh.
andddd im soooooo sorry to lionel (once again)
i swapped his present with someone else's and now its a mess
gotta run ard finding the present initially meant for him
gosh* rachel you idiot.
anyways....
im in depression.
i miss melbourne and yet i dont wanna leave sg my home.
im sucha greedy fool.
and to know that one full month has alr passed,
leaving me with only 3 fcuked weeks left to enjoy what's left of home
is clearly insufficient.
and now...
im feelin the vibe that mayb i wont come home next year.
well..
if you see it my way..
the friends who promise to meet you everyday or what not
once im back in singapore,
has not even met me more than what... 5 times??
and clearly its an understatement
(if u get what i mean).
and noooo.
its really not helping that f*cking schs have started.
whether JC or POLY.
and that sucks.
cos im big fat EIGHTEEN right now.
and helloooooo????
i envisioned it to be fun.
but bearly anyone rembrs its NOT.
i hate having to choose btwn pple
and places
and lives.
mayb one day we'll all just realise that
sometimes,
solitude is not always the worst-case scenario.

go figure.

sometimes.

it sucks.
the visa application is so slow
and darn it...
im even planning on forwarding my flight.
oh well...
THANKS TO DIMIA,
i cant.
blardie fcukers.
slow and useless.
=PpP

anyhow.
cant be fcuked.
turning 18 wasnt sucha big deal.
and Nooo,
i dint go busting all the bloody clubs,
its not in my mood anymore.
and Nooo.
i dint try to buy ciggs without looking suspicious.
hah.
=)
now its just so.
cos im one of the only few who are alr 18
so its kinda boringggg.
and i cant imagineeeeee what im gonna be doing for the next month til i get back home to melb.
pouts*
life reallllyyyyyyy does stink sometimes.

and to you.
couldnt you have left me at least a msg on my birthday???
i guess not.
'cos typing isnt your forte ehs?
*POUTS*

random.
but i saw someone's nick on msn saying
Love bears all things, hopes all things, and endures all things.
Love never fails.
Yah right. i seriouslyyyyyyy beg to differ, balls!
it makes love look so noble.
and helllllllll is it not!
well...
its ironic cos i do believe in it.
but im forcing myself to stop.
cos its soooo annoying.
i see couples on the road holding hands
and what not.
and im contemplating what it wouldve,
shouldve
and couldve been.
well there goes my imagination.
bye werld.
=)

Thanks to all who came to my BBQ! =)

to all those who made it on sunday
@ cashew hgts bbq pit:::
Thanks a mill for coming
and for the gifts and cards and all the warm regards.
much much appreciated.
=) loved it.
thanks guys. hope to meet up with u guys soon k love?
heh =)

today was good good.
had to prepare a lotta stuffs overall
but glad it's done with.
im officially 18 and retarded a lil.
heh.
drank a lot
and had alotta fun.
unexpected pple came i must admit...
but glad to c soooo many of my long-time-no-see frens.
pple like....
-megg, lionel, cousinz, belly, scully, tiffie!!, aaron, qirong, ben, the cheongs (still my cousins!), william, yq!!, sarah, josh, gerk, elmo, sarahP, vally, lynette, etcetcetc.
too many to name.
but overall...
thanks guys for making this day a good one.
and thank God it stopped raining halfway!
or else....
ohhh.
and thanks Rus for callin me all the way frm indo.
i miss you too dear.
and to all those who left a lil sms at 12am.
thanks lots dudessss.
i mis you all alr. and its making it hard for me to leave sg now! pouts!
heh.
but life's really better alr.
and thanks again.!
(now who's on for clubbing and all ehs??)
=) *licks lips*

ok..
i tink ad's gonna kill me.
i kinda applied for the wrong visa online
and paid 420 aussie for nth.
ohfcuk.
she's gonna skin me.
sighs. im dead. really.
lol.
anddddd ive alr made plans plans plans with those who came to my party!!!
heh.
like sar,vally,lyn...--->friday nite @ Essential Brews
like Bel,scully, tiffie... --->tues w tiff & thurs nite w all @ alameen
josh and all is tmr IF we wake up early.
and everythings getting into place finally.
mummy is coming down sg tmr morning.
and i cant cant cant wait to see her.
i miss her so goddamn much man.
lol
=)
thank you werld for this wonderful day.
i couldnt ask for more.
=)*smuacks*

my life's a-better!

ok.
ive become an official frequent (TOO frequent) blogger.
gosh*
this has gotta stop! pouts*
anyway...
brot nana to the doc AGAIN today.
sighs.
i wonder when she'll fully be well...
and she's still the same nw..
on the lighter note,
(despite my constant weightgaining habit..)
we ate at Ubin Seafood today.
at sixth avenue.
omg. the most yummylicious food there ever.
we had
-chilli crabs
-pepper crabs
- mee goreng!
- satay (lotsaaaaaa it)
- mun tou (my fried breaD!!)
-etcetc
alot of nice nice food.
so much for my new year resolution to lose wgt.
ohwells. at least to eat healthily.
and THAT is definitely not healthy.
ewww to the oil and all thats in that sinful food!
-licks lips.
heh.=)

ohh and i must praise sarah jie.
she actuallie started serious on her montessori work today.
yippeee to her!
=) she's got us all so proud.
lovelove.

at least when all puts me in a shatter,
something gets back on its feet.

2more glorious hours and im official

behind the shadows of doubt... big 18.

yay yay yay
no more illegally doing things thati really have to admit.
=)
its saturdayyyyy.
WOW.
i went to the blue market to shop for the freshestest seafood for tmr's bbq!
=)
anddddddd its all done up soon. yay.
hopefully the weather is good and mr sunshine's out.
today,
however,
becky jie is leaving for L.A.
till reunion dinner on the 28th.
which sucks. cos im here. and she's there.
i miss her so much.
and she's been the best sis since i got home.
brot me everywhere and never let me fork out a single cent
even if it was for my personal shits.
it just shows how much responsibility as a sister she's taking.
=) so glad she's mine.
heh.

ohhhh.last night, me becky n mike watched the Memoirs of a Geisha on a superrrrrduperrrrly clear dvd frm msia.
well...
considering i read the book and watched it pretending i dint,
it was a disappointment.
too slow. its like 2.5hrs and half of it was inaccurate.
and despite that being my favourite book....
i have to say,
they dint capture the essence of the movie well enough.
seriously.
the whole japanese mood wasnt oriental enough.
and the kimonos were only average.
ashamed.
but the story was overall sweet la.
but they also left out the main ending of her going to New york etc etc
and the beginnning was soooo abrupt.
=S
i know i know..
i sound like a movie critic.
but thats how the entertainment industry works man!!!
hahs.

ookoook.
ad and dad wanna go to a nursery to get cny flowers.
pussy willows!
dont mind me.
i just couldnt stop luffing at the sound of that.
i mean.. i always knew what its called but the SOUND of hearing it being said with my daddy's cheesy accent.
damnnnn its good to be home.
heh :)
well... another hope this year is looking forward to seeing mummy on monday!
she's coming all da way from florida..
whee boy do i miss her like shits.
=S i reallyyyyyyyyyyy love ya mother.
mwahhs*

over @ the cousinz...

went to meet jeremy mah dearestttt cousin at junction8.
wow.
boy has it changed.
MAJOR.
anyways...
got nana a card and a rose,
which was highlyyyyyy over-rated.
seriously...
but since she's 80
(and thats the only freakin flower shop in the vaccinct,)
i shant complain no more.
=)
its been a rough day tho.
Having to deal with nana's incessant nagging that im colourblind.
she somehow dint realise lazy-eyes is not a disease related to color.
ohwells.
no comments.
she's 80. lol.
and i figured i shld REALLY manage my travelling issues.
seriouslyyy.
ive actuallie estimated my cab costs in this ONE month that ive been here.
and guess what.
ive spent 160bucks ++ on cabs.
just to town and to SGH and so on so on.
wahh.
its bad.
cos im not usually that spoilt.
arghhh. who cares.
spent is spent.
wells.... since i keep complaining im Under-paid frm coughcough,
i shall just save up MY way and stop taking freakin cabs.
and NOOOO im not spoilt...
mayb just a weeeeebit lazy.
=) hehe.
and OMG i just weighed myself.
i gained massive f-ing weight.
ya ya ya.
i know SOME of you will claim you cant see it,
but thank god for the existance of black,
its a color of disillusionment.
hehe =)

oh and thanks Rusdi Yusiadi the sweetpeaaaa of my life
for calling me today.
=)))))))) very much appreciated sweets!

and to my cuzzies..
we shall all meet up one fine day again!
once more once more!!
=) its so fun to be ard you guys.
since we share the same bloody 'binny hips' (or so we say)
and the same cheesiness and
the absurd ability to zone out anytime anywhere
(even if its inbetween a conversation unintentionally).
hehe.
i really enjoyed myself this whole month.
but majorly cos of my cousins and the wholeeeeeeeee family.
its been a blessin to be home.
and now i tink i reallyyyyyy wanna come home in june to cya guys!!
goshgosh* i cant waittttttt.
yipeeeeee~
-jumps abt hysterically.

to all else..
dont forget...
sunday @ cashew hgts BBQ pit
@ AROUND 6pm.
for earlier arrangements,
pls contact me at.....
=) hehe. go figure.

posting.....

life is taking for the better now.
nana's 80th birthday is today!! =)
happy 80th birthday nana!
with lotsa love and everything nice in it!
*smuacks*

on the other hand...
THANKYEW becky da jie for my SUPERRR early bday present!! =)
hahhaha she bot me a pierre cardin wallet.
hahahhahaha
at least now i can stop hunting alr town for a pathetic wallet to replace my retarded wallet.
yay.
=)

oh oh oh...
to josh... THANKS gor gor.
for dropping off at my doorstep a wholeeeee box of baker's Inn cakes and delicacies!
yummmmmmmylicious!!
my favourite and only gorrr. =)
(now i'll stop pinching your fats for..... a day??)
heh.

i got myself (or more like my melb house...)
a nice japanese-designed lamp!
wheeee.
(dont ask why im so happy about a friggin' lamp)
i just figured that my hse is TOO plain.
the lifelessness of it all gets me a weeee bit lonely.
THEREFOREEE....
i decided to get it all dolled up
so as to put me into the mood of studying
YET
at the same time,
a serenity like none other.
=)

i tink i gotta stop blogging.
i NEED sleep.
seriouslyyyyyyyyyy.
yday the 3 sisters (hehe) played scrabble a million times
and i never won.
thanks to my cheesy vocabulary which never made college-standard.
haha
and it was soooo relevant cos for one particular round,
all my words formed were like...
-Loser
-Pits (aka down in the pits. heh)
-wretch
and all those sadddddd, depressing words.
lol.
ohwells...
ohohoh. i gtg .
get nana stuffs later and go for the party!!!
wheeeeee.
*exhausted-.
period.

life's just so.

today is one of the most joyous and rewarding day!!!
nana is OUT of that cheesy UNDESERVING hell-hole.
like finalllllllllly.
my prayers have been answered.
she's still weak as ever,
but God's been goooooood =)

as for me n becky's doc.
we finallyyyyyy got to Hougang today to get our problem checked.
and boohoo.
we came back realising we went to the wrong doctor but right clinic.
pouts*
so we assume its not gonna work,
arghhhs.
wtf.
anyways....
tmr is nana's birthday,
HOPEFULLY it goes well without certain ANNOYANCES
(as i may add).
not that life's getting any better with nana out
cos she's a hell lotta nursing to be attended to with her walking allllllllllllll ard the fuckin hse.
but overall....
its goooooood =)

mummy is comin down to sg on 16th!!!
yay for my bday.
glad to know that she is.
cos its been yearsssssssssss since i last saw her.
and she's changed i heard.
hopefully its a good one.
:)
pretty soon i'll head home.
to melb ...
but i cant seem to get sad.
i tryyyyyyy but i know inside im reallyyyyy not.
its just plain to be here ,
so aimlessly.
waiting for everyone else while my life wastes away here.
at least in melb....
i got STUDYING and all.
lol.
big joke. =)

fcuked all over again.

this week has pretty much been the same
since day one .
nana is still there.
im still here in sis' hse using the net,
figuring out where the fuck monash pple went to.
and still wondering how fcukin long it'll take for you to understand.
the only smile i can produce is when i receive mrs hallatsch's email.
everyday =)
she's my Math B teacher.
sooooo cute of her! always hooked onto our lingo of 'retardation'.
=) heh.

as for the other side of life...
the offline,
NO life,
daily travelling to places i've learnt to abhor,
and all thats in between,......
IT SUCKS.
i hate waking up feeling so miserable.
like there isnt really much of a purpose of doing so,
when you know the next day and following wouldnt be much of change.
so surprise me.
i think i'd be ashamed to wake up realising how long i've dragged this fruitless holiday.
well...
holiday should be in inverted commas.
cos its a Fcukin tragic irony to me right now.
and as much as i'd love to believe im enjoying my 18th bday ,
IM SOOOOOO fcukin not.
thankyouverymuch.

i hate you
i hate you and all your bullshit.

random as i may get,
this has always been on my mind.
so its out.
and im done here.

as for nana's 80th bday.
we're cancellign the ballroom party due to UNforeseen circumstances.
and as for my BBQ,
its still on,
arghhh but who cares.
i, on the other hand, dont give two flyin fcuks about it anymore.
=S
i hope nana will be ok soon. i hate seeing her in such agony of being bedridden and all that fucked up shit.
i wish she knew just how much im supporting her.
cos OBVIOUSLY,
love's NOT always the goddamn cure for this shits.

my uni app. is getting faster.
at least i got my freaking COE alr.
soooo i can start applyin for the freakin visa.
lol.

and to amanda shuen,
PLS reply my email or contact me soon.
im dyingggggggggg to hear frm you dear =) mwahhhs*.

as for the rest of my werld,
i hope to cya all @ my party k.
=) glad im finally fcukin 18.
lol.
my day has come.
tho not a brighter note,
but im aging.
=) heh

fucked upside down.

i hate today.
i wish i didnt have to live today and skip to tmr instead.
its the most fucked up monday ive had since...
ever.
sorry,
and pardon my loose usage of 'fuck' today.
i hate to even imagine what the next few days wil be like.
dwelling my alr-bad-fucked-up-face in the self-pity that tmr aint gonna get any better.
and gloping in the moodiness of the family as we unwillingly accept the hard fucking facts of life.
life's a bitch. and u end up marrying one.
someone once told me that.
and you know what,
its so fucking true.
everyone thinks ive changed.
mayb in language or speech.
mayb in attitude or likeness.
but i beg to differ.
im just being rrealllllly fucked up today.
and for tmr,
(i'd love to pretend that tmr is a perfect day)
but i have to live on knowing that my day is fucked
and so forth till i get over LIFE's fucked up days.
its just one of those mondays ya know??

as for B.,
sorry i dint pick you up frm the maju camp.
my bad.
but pls understnad that today is the most fucked up day i'll ever have,
and that i can never fully explain to you my erghhhhhhness inside.
as for megg,
sory i din meet u agn today.
my bad too.
and i know im so unorg today.
but plsssssss bear with me.
i dint ask that nana be impaired by this fucking shit today.

i wish i cld hit pause and REWIND fucking time.
and shld i know what mite have become,
i wldve made sure what will happen isnt this.
sorry blogreaders.
this entry is total random and im just screaming it outta my heart.
there r many tings i wish i dint imagine,
ways i wish i dint feel,
and words i wish i dint say.
but its done for.
and today is OFFICIALLY the saddest,
and by far the most traumatic day for me.
i cant explain on-fuckingNOprivacy-line,
but i hope i'll be better tmr.
and that i wld react better than i did today.
today was a real bitch. and i admit i bitchslapped it right back.
but isnt tmr always a day for miracleS?
well...
i'll need a damn fucking big one this time then.
god be nice.

updating my werld.

nth much has happened.
bsides the lively decorating of my hse in await for CNY.
yucks*
thurs is gonna be nana's bday bash @GoodWood park hotel.
and sunday is my birthday bbq.
heh =)
i cant wait i cant wait!!!

as for B.,
he's coming out tmr @ 8plus @ Maju camp.
gosh...
gotta run abt picking him,
getting some stuffs for melb home,
meetin becky on tues.
shoppppppping!!!
=)
ohyay.

as for you...
yes. i admit NOT every f-ing YOU is for you.
but almost all is.
and apart for the cursing and bitching,
everything else is yours.
i dont get why you get all f-ed up reading my blog
and get so uptight.
did i not tell you to trust me?
or isit just not in ur dictionary??
i wish i knew what to tell you but i dont.
im sorry i guess its nt enuf for you.
i tried to play the nice one and tahan ur attitude.
but guess wad,
im not.
and i wont try to anymore.
if you msg me one more fcuking time trying to play mr.im-so-perfect-that-you-cant-make-a-goddamn-mistake.
well news flash,
i DONT have to face you so thats one less threat to me.
=)

i am nostalgia.
feel like going back to ij real soon.
=) wheee
then i'll be in utter bliss.
the comfort of my second home-
IJ.
=) peaceout* werldddd.

pics frm josh's hp =) loved.

- just me. in sarah's car. zoom zooooooooom =)- me and delia my baby girl! =) 26th Open House! lovelove.
-elicia kate binny! you notti LOTR's sam! =) heh. (notice meg and me in the backdrop!)
-all i need in this life of sin, is..... ~

what now, you're gone, my fault, im sorry.

the passed few days have been just so.
im hooked onto bonjovi
(i wonder whyyyy)
i sleep at 7am everyday
i eat supper at 3am everymorn
my eyebags biggen
my life worsens.

ive met qirong like a million times just this week.
and its super ironic.
cos we never talked once before this.
and now
we're close to inseparable.
poor him tho...
got into a 'freak accident'
(according to joshua gorrrr)
and dr. binny to the rescue yday!!
=) heh.
get reallll well soon love.
*kisses the pain away*
met josh n qirong for a dip in the pool
wahaha.
the FATS that was spilling outta a perfectly nice twopiece.
-slaps forehead*.

as for my uni acceptance,
its still left hanging.
cos no one is fucking bothered to run the errands of paying,
faxing,
calling up,
etcetc.
and its not even fucking halfdone.
ohwells.
life's a real bitch these days.

today...
met sarah and becky n jermaine for supper and catching up.
well...
not so.
just sharing of retarded jokes
and arguing about our family blood.
lol.
after 18yrs of living a bitch-life,
we all still dont knw our mix well enough.
pouts*

anyways...
tmr morning B. is booking into camp!!
gosh.
goodluck dearest.
and i wont get to see you for another 2 weeks.
pouts~!!!!
i cant live with that thought!!!
wahahhaha.
and anyways....
im waiting right here.
come back home to meeee soon soon soon.
=) mwahhhhs*.