convo with a bimbo (omgggg. that rhymes.)

ahahaha.
had a totally random conversation with evangelineee (:
nice nice (and bimbotic) her jst decided to talk to me on msn.
hence, the 'random' diction.
here's how our intellectual convo went...

me: noo, im in a suburb. not near melbourne uni, where everyone is.
her: whats a suburb? is it like a rural area? (thinks for a sec, then..) is it like a village?
me: *feeling bad to shatter her childlike imagination of melbourne* ermm, well... kinda like city->suburb->rural. get it?
her: omggggggg.
me: *STILL pondering on hw to break the 'bad news' of what a suburb is*
her: oh. do you pick strawberries in melbourne?
me: -.-''

then just when you thot the most awkward convo had finally gone by...

me: any idea what plans you have after poly?
her: air stewardess!
me: ohhh btw you look like one! (:
her: but you know, that isnt a longterm job prospect.
me:.... *waits for smth totally irradical to come out*
her: maybe a tai tai!

and yet again, evangeline that sweetie managed to cheer me up
from whats left of my innate capacity to be happy.
for once.
andddddddddddd...
she ends off with a cuter note!

she: so you come back 2x a year?
me: yupp!
she: dec and summer??
me: *reallyyyy wondering why God made the weather* (:

evannnn my bimb! youre soooo cute la.
btw. december IS summer.
so that makes only ONE trip home. the other trip is WINTER----> june.
exactly when IM coming home.
HAHA. butttt thks for cheerin me up anyway!
(: i'll contact ya in spore okie? cya in EIGHT days.
(: mwahhhh* back at ya!

hahaha.
-still recuperating frm previous jokes-

didya guys catch the aussie budget for 2006 yday?
yes.
well too bad. haha JK lah.
practically NO funds are channelled to healthcare.
NONE. Zilch. Zero. Ling.
gosh* seriouslyyyyyy.
every corporate-hopitalised-and-even-privatised-ones are soo mad w the govt's decision.
not like im aussie,
or that it'll even affect me till the day i start being a REAL doc.
but the point is,
aussie healthcare budget is the main influence on access
(OK. i knw i sound like R.Aroni. and im sorry to destroy your aroni-free week)
but its true this time.
(apart frm all her crap lectures)

budget defines money going into profitable usage --->research n dvlpmt---> skills --->workforce (aka ME, or unselfishly, US)---> provision of adequate, highly efficient and effectual healthcare---> staying bloody alive and kicking.

i dont get ppl.
why are parents getting Au$350 grants
when their kids enter year 7?
WHAT POINT DOES THAT MAKE?
free prep school isnt enough?
i pity those with chronic illnesses and even worse,
with dental probs or
requiring a chiropractitioner. (sp?)
well, when these ppl qn the govt's efforts in helping them,
the only reply they'll ever get is-
(what my lingo clearly entails)
shit happens.
------------

i still rembr how resonating ansh's words appeared in my head
when she said,
"you should feel glad,
at least you HAD".
well ansh,
that's whats getting me thru each day right now.
that i HAD.
and tho, i prolly will NEVER have again,
im glad we had it all.
we did. (:

one word- retarded.

seriously.....
the exam coming up is 5 %.
and we're all mugging.
well at least you are. (victims of 'mug' pls own up)
its funny.
theres a common misconception:
that sporeans are smart.
(avoiding all offensiveness- _
theyre generally hardworking (cos spore is a tough tough place to get an education from)
not that theyre dumb la (im a sporean too u knw!)
just that they tend to mug more
and work EARLIER than MOST.
(:

to prove my pt,
i have fello' aussiemates who just asked me
YESTERDAY when the exams are.
and for a change-
they dont knw how much % each entity weighs.
for one- the exam is 5%
and the essay is 10% PPLE!!!!
gosh* -slaps forehead.

so you sporeans still tink you're underworking?
ohh pls.
come over to my place and you just have to take a split sec,
to realise-
I HAVENT EVEN STARTED yet.
irony of it all?
I KNW the minor details and how impt it is,
and when the exam is,
BUT i chose to start SOON. (theres a difference btwn procrastination and choosing to delay)
hah.

ohhh and reading all the blogs etc etc etc.
gosh* get a load of urself pls.
its simply hilarious to see how freaked u guys are.
ohh and [you]- you're just retarded (hence the title)
RETARDED.
the only thing you'd ever be stuck on is sex. hurhur.
-rolls eyes bimboly-

what a mad world.

*now i'll let you go.

youre in love
thats the way
it should be
cos' i want you to be happy
you're in love
and i know
that you're not in love with me
ooooh its enough for me to know
that you're in love
now i'll let you go
cos' i know
that you're in love.

today was suchaaaaaa draggy day in sch.
10-4.
okok. FINE. its considered quite a short day for Grp A .
but fuck that!
had kathy francki twice today.
gosh that lecturer arrr! ):
i love her alot. reallyyyyy.
but her intonation mks sleepin ppl have heart palpitations.
):
and just when u tot that lectures on an already-bad day cldnt get any worse,
i had STAKEHOLDER. well technically not.
it was theme 2 combined class tutes.
EW! fuckgross.
wasted 2 hrs of shite. ): POUT.
wish i had ponned it. gosh*** kill me.

a big sorry to ansh my dearieee!
i was realllllly f*ckin tired jst nw.
we'll go shopping soon aiights? (: mwahhhSmwahhhs*

tmr is jst another day.
(: -prays its good-
i HAVE to start studying.
seriouslyyyy man. im so fucked.
-----------------------------------------
i think i knw why im so affected.
why i held on so stubbornly.
cos' i was egoistic,
thinkin that i didnt deserve being treated the way i was.
and knwing tht you'd be this nice to someone else
(or maybe even better,)
i felt jealous.
that you'd never treat me like this again.
and that i'd never be that someone.
never.

*concentrates* on loving

the past mths,
i took the time to analyze my life.
and self-actualisation hit me *ouch*
im taking a turn for once.
instead of venting dissatisfaction and suffering for your ineffectuality,
i decided to do the direct opposite.
and express all my love for those that i DO, well, love.
(:

megg:: my darl'. pinky promise yeah.
i'll be home before you knw it.
(: mwahhh*

tiff:: ha! my every-niter. (: imu still btw.
i'll get u whatever u asked for okie?
(: im in luv w ur voice. (im a lesbian btw)
ha. mwahhh*

to all those back home::
I'LL BE HOME SOON.
just you wait!
to challenge lionel and cuzzies at daytona (nw that 9 yrs have passed, mayb we'll play pool instead. haha)
to eat out everydayyyyy at the food festivals.
to meet up w glenna woman!! (: drea of cos!
and IJ-ians (DONT PANGSEH K!)
to club as well!! (:
oh to meet teachers andddd familyyyy of cos! (how cld i forget that?!)
and everyone else like my churchmates! haha
i miss st joe's church. that beautiful abode. hah (:

see! dont i sound so much more elegant and refined when i thank ppl instead of dissing them?
i realise if i do b*tch abt 'em,
im gonna be reading my entries one day
and finding myself so ashamed that i bothered to waste effort b*tching.
haha.
and i do love 'em still
(YES STIL. EVEN AFTER THE B*TCHING)
well, call me sore.
but i rembr when i was pri4, i told yurong (yes that girl i miss so much!!) never to say 'hate' or to bear hate.
cos its karma. it'll come back to you. and you'd realise that you dont actually hate someone
until you've killed them.
then you'll hate yourself.

so loveeeeeeee pplE!
and to val babe!:::
hahah im soo glad u guys are sooo happy.
absolute bliss!! (btw i dont think age is a factor at all!)
(: but i do love u! mwahhhs*

-"alfredo! & i" day-

(:
ayes.
alfred (yessssss. the engineering guy who got pissed drunk n puked everywhere) & i went to church tog (yesss a catholic church).
today is special!
its was a mass for exams!!
anddd the archbishop diocese of melb was there!!!!
-HOLY-
i love him. he's the funniesttttt priest ever!!!
(:
haha.

ohhh i am annoyed.
dilini's brilliant plan of moving is gone!
no more plans, dinners, sleeping tog, etc etc etc
roar!
-sighs.
nvm.
used to it.
hmpf.

oh yesss. alfred n i ate dinner at Malaysian garden today after mass
it was soooo good.
curry w rice,
spore fried noodles,
sambal eggs,
banana fried fritters n ice cream,
bo bo cha cha!
(: heh.
yummylicious~.

after tht, we headed to my place to watch a lil russell peters!
(: he hasnt watched it before.
so good.
(laughter is the best medicine)
upon leaving for home,
alfred that sweet thing said the most beautiful thing to me.
just a simple compliment of my smile wld send me melting.
alfredoooo my dear,
(: have a good night.
i'll be seeing you ard.
... yupp.. thats about it.

(: you make me smile
thank you for making today the best sunday for me. (NOT alone for once)
and for declaring it YOUR favourite one as well.
(: mwahhhh*
you're the sweetest thing.
you say the sweetest things.
you make me feel like the sweetest thing.

beg me back.

10 days to midyr exams.
11 DAYS TO HOME-COMING!
now which is more impt?
hah.

ooooh! dilini dearest randomly msged me last nite
and guess what ppl??
SHE'S STAYING WITH ME till the hols!
hahah well... till im home in spore!
*sniggers*
okkkay.
hah! to those who thot i cldnt live without-
here's a wholeeeeee 10 days of fun and loveee (oh and studying of cos!)
no more lonely nights ,
listening to the most depressin cheena songs!
(:

yay we're gonna cook!
(lotsa curry i hope!)
and gonna study.
to those who havent even started, and are still askng me "when are our exams?"
NEWSFLASH!*
you'll knw when it comes. hah.
(whispers-6th-whispers)
heh.

oh too linnnie:::
my one n only!~
cant wait to c u!
hope u come back in june. then we can meeeeet! yipee! (:
ilu* and yessss miss u loadsa!

to tiffie:::
wahhhraoooo. we nv stop yakking away!
and dont worry.
i'd still call you everyday!
tho not too long (beauty slp decreases acne)
hahah but i stillll love u as much!
and i miss u. ohhh tk cr... of S. (HAHA)
*mwahhs.

to dilini:::
WOMANNN! u r soooooo getting ur arse here right now!
-runs-
i cant imagine how we'd turn this hse upside dw!
(: curry, you said?
iluuuuu. and im waiting for u to come.. like NOW!

--------------------
enuf shoutouts for a day-
back to the mundane, no lifer that i am.
ooOOoohh!
crunchy cereal + milk & Nutella +bread = Breakkie! (:

-we both knw feelings will change-

hooked onto GnR anddddddd
cheena songS!
*gosh-.
its so addictive. okok.
pple, listen to:
-Wang Lee Hom's "forever love"
and "kiss goodbye"
fuckinggggg good.
ohh and "Ka Fei" by Jackie cheung
and David Tao ze's "i love you"
and "pu tong pen you"
wahhhhhh its all soooo damn frickin sad! (:

uh. feels good to have started my stoopid assignment.
smart me decided to book a flight home directly after the exam
and realised-
ASSIGNMENT IS DUE ON THE 14THJUNE.
okkk.
so smartarse me have to finish it early while everyone else is prolly still wasted from the previous night's party
S: rach you dumbass!

-slaps self-

been reading alotttttt today.
all the assignment shit and other sample shits.
and i havent stepped an inch outta my hse today
(im nt a loner so buzz off)
ohhhh.
feels so good to be in pjs the wholeeeee day
esp when random ppl knock on my door and get jet-shocked to see me in pjs at like 4pm or smth.
i rule. pjs rule.
(:
its a common misconception that ppl who stay home all day and do pretty much nth hv no life.
well,
umm, news flash, freaks!
staying home FULLTIME is prolly the best bid i've got so far this yr.
and yes,
im the 'lonely' *toot* who stays home all day,
wears PJs and specs
ties hair in a messy bun
walks ard in playboy slippies ( i love those furry flipflops)
eats at most inappropriate times
sleep eat work play on that ONE bed.

(: dont you just love life.

ugh. you disgust me.

(sorry pple. this is another one of those bitching about you entries!)

roar!
i HAVE TO have to really stop checking out yer blog.
disgustttttingggg.
no no really.
you make obesed pple anorexic-
just puking their guts out.
grossly identifiable posts.
ewwwww
-pukes a hundredth time-

having fun w all the girls?
and all those you presume couldnt get ANY worse.
its so ew ew grossssss.
-bimbos ard-
theyre gross.
at least she is.
and for one- youre gross.
ewwww!
-waves the broken wrist ard and whines-
damnit!
you made my breakfast just alllllll come out
(damn it was a good one!)
peeee-ewwww.
(you see, my lil sissies loved barney so i got hooked onto it as well)
you sick turd.
hope your life's as good as it sounds-
cos it definitely doesnt look like it!

-sticks out tongue and runs-

hah.
last nite i slept super duperly early.
butt....
megggggie darlink called me at 11 ++
babe im sooo glad to talk to you after so long!
i missss you!
oh yeahhhh andddd...
dont let that w*nker bully you ok?
-you see, no one touches my meaghan-
(yes, NO ONE)
hah. megg, dont worry about him okie?
and if anything happens, just call or msg me alritey?
ilu* (more than he does)
and i pray for you all the time!
so dont worry. you deserve everything better than this.
mwahhhs*

i am gonna do my assignment today!
yayyyyyy
you have no idea how impt this work is.
and i havent even started yet.
wahhh laoooo.
-pouts-
haha im usin more cheena terms to ensure i get more sporean by the time im heading home.
i cant be sooo angmoh till it makes no sense to my fellow-singaporeans.
(:

jeff asked me- "why dont you wanna go to the ski trip?"
and i said.
"three reasons!"
he replied-
"one is - "
whats the other two?
me: "well im afraid of heights. so its paiseh to fall in frnt of everyone"
jeff: "thats two reasons.whats the lasT?"

GO FIGURE. its funny how you managed to get two outta three. its actually alllll inter-related.
youre just not thinking hard enuf.
anyhow,
why worry, it'd be jst as fun without me as it is with me.
you guys go have fun alright?
i'd love to, but i'd rather stay home. alone. in the quiet corner of these walls i've learnt to be confined to.
and i pray you guys have a blast of a time.
cos i will, dwelling in the recesses of my soul.

pangsehhhhh.

to be pangseh-ed by one, or more like two of your close friends is swell, just swell.
):
el nicely msged me,
saying that he wanna have dinner at my place tonite.
did he turn up?
no.
did he even call or msggg to tell me HE changed the plan?
no.
gosh*
why is everyone becoming like him.

well. on a lighter and MUCH more cheery mode,
my step mummy just sent me some kaaching.
-thank heavens!
its abt time.
im getting broke and disgustingly in debt thanks to my PHONE BILLS that i conveniently forgot to pay.
and all the other bills i have yet to pay!
like water electricity and land line bill.
): pouts!!

i can wait to get home
i can alr contemplate what the 5 weeks of hol will be lk for me.
no staying at home,
or early nights.
NOPE! not i!
the suppers and midnite shits and clubbing
and of cos,
taking care of my baby sisters.
gosh!
i must go shopping for my lovely twinnies and eli and manman and lauraaaaaa!
(: -screams frantically-
its so exciting to be gg home during june hols.
i can just imagine how much wgt i'll gain!

haha.
its obvious.
today is a very good day for me.
even tho dilini hated the hse we saw (it was in shabs. ewww)
and we walked ard the wholeeeee southern hemisphere today.
andddd those two didnt turn up (whilst i waited half my life for them)
and had to starve cos i was hoping to get dinner! ):
but overall..
shit really does happen. and when it does,
we never notice the little light amidst the shadows.
but today,
i did.

you're just not worth it.

mood: SO MUCH ALIVE today and kicking!

why? cos im having the FINAL resolution of freedom-
to be in a carefree self-state,
and not worry about others.
or what they're thinking.
cos why worry when worry is wasted.
its just not worth it!
you're just not worth it!
(:

cheesy shit!
today's pcl class was 10-12pm.
...
-raises eyebrow-
am i expecting more?

last night (12am literally)
skantha the sweetest came all the way to my door
(im alll the way in CLAYTON btw, compared to his place in the city)
to say hi
and yadda yadda.
it was the sweetest feeling.
to wake up in SHABS of my pj to a good fren at the door.
i was shit tired of cos,
but nth beats the reaction when i opened the door
-those eyes of innocence
and pure missin'.
my wide wideee smile i couldnt conceal.
at that second i even thought i'd fall for you.

he stayed- i got up at 10am and locked him IN my house
hahaha. poor sweets.
well now that he's gone n im pretty much alone again,
my mind starts to wander to places it REALLY shldnt.
):
ohhh dilini dearest and i cooked curry today!
she made it so i wldnt starve myself. heh.
-you knw me too well dear-

gonna go house hunting w her, for her soon!
she's gonna move out.
poor ME- no more late nights and stayin overs?
i wanttttttt! *pout*
-hands on hips.-

to think that i openly blogged all my emos this week.
and the past freaking month.
its just sad.
seriously.
i have no life (officially)
and i need to get one.
hope it starts when im back in spore.
feeling so much more loved back home.
without the thoughts of ever being lonely,
even when im all by myself in my balcony.
theres just no time, no space to feel empty inside.
cos' ive been there, done that,
but it never took such a toll on me before.
see! its the bloody weather's fault!
-rants-

oh yes oh yes.
a shout out to william tai:
dude! hahaha nv talked to u in soooo damn long alr!
cant wait to meet u in spore!
i knw, i owe u a treat for the exams right?
HAh!but u owe me like 3456789 treats
for JUST coming home.
hahahaha. lov u still tho! (:
take take take care yeah?

unfaithful #%*()(*&^%$#@

mood: -pondering-

listening to 'Unfaithful'. by rhianna.
its suchaaa urghhhh song.
(if u get what i mean).
nice. but somehow,
i feel thats not a song I'D be singing.
so far,
its evident that im right ):

and i knw that he knws im unfaithful
and it kills him inside
to knw that i am happy with some other guy
i can see him dying.
i dont wanna do this anymore.
i dont wanna be the reason why
everytime i walk out the door
i see him die a lil more inside.
i dont wanna hurt him anymore
i dont wanna take away his life
i dont wanna be... a murderer.

i wonder.. if these were your words,
how will i ever..
what will i do?
in fact, it isnt hard to imagine it.
cos' its already so reallll to me.
(well to you at least).
im still oblivious to the fact that its NOT happening right now.
count my ego wise.
its selfpreservation my dear *chants*

its sucha pity.
and i keep thinking about it.
-how i planned it all out for you.
for us.
we had to forgo a lot of things.
a lot of plans.
a lotttt of memories.
no more thailand trip with you.
no more MAMBO night clubbing in spore with you.
no more SURPRISE bday prezzie for you.
no more going home to spore in hols together with you.
no more newton, chompchomp, zion road etc etc outings planned with you.
no more sleepovers and late night DVD-ing!! with you.
no more Singaporean dishes to be cooked with you and by you.
no more car washing on sundays for you.
no more falling asleep talking about everythingggggg i want to share with you.
no more hugging to sleep at night right beside you.
no more watching you sleep in my arms. no more goodnight kisses for you and by you. (well depends who slept first right? heh.)
no more 'we's on the line- just EITHER 'you' or 'i'.
no more fighting it out over every lil shit we had, though thats what makes couples, couples.
no more 'iloveyou's to mumble each time we left each other even for a sec, now just 'goodbye's.
no more 'see you soon' even though we would meet each other in half a split second.
no more 'dear' or 'darling' or 'baby love' or terms of endearment cos' it doesnt sound FRIENDLY enough.
no more bitching about the weirdestttt people and pretend we werent doing so when they walk rightttt past us (that was fun eh.)
no more this. no more that. no more any-fucking-thing.
no more conversation. not even a 'hi'.
no more tryin to be nice.
no more forced feelings.
no more forced-to-be-hidden tears.
no more tryin.
no more arguing.
no more 'together's.
no more side-smiles that hooked me on
no more obligation to RESTRICT befriending abilities.
no more fuckinggggggggggggg pain.
no more. no more. no more. anymore.

and i actually bothered to wonder why you could just walkkkkkkk away.
you're you.
and im.. well.. just not yours.
-------------------end of emo post-----------------------

today was a normal long fucking long* day
8-5pm.
practical was fun! i like microbiology.
makes a whole lot of sense to me now.
-finally.
histology rawkz! (:

i hate theme 2 purely cos my tutor is sooo annoying queer.
fancy picking on a student (cough cough)
who bothers to do her work
and CONTRIBUTE.
but you nicely disregard my effort.
you b*stard.
GOSH!
ive had enough of MENNNNN to last me a lifetime and a day.
):
pout pout!!
-trap me while im at the bottom-.

a lil note to sarah my sistaaaaaa:::
jie,
dont you worry. im pretty sure my doctor instincts are accurate
(FINE. i mean my SISTERLY instincts)
you'll be fine
and im sureee youre just being like me- paranoid.
tk cr tho. and be careful yeahh?
ilu with sooo much missing too!
mwahhhhS*

apart from the fact that this blog is supposed to be private,
and i need a place to burst out,
I HAVE ALOT TO GET OFF MY CHEST.
im holding it sooo tight to myself.
i can hardly believeeeee im still breathing.
seriously.

ohhhhhhhhhhhhh today is Australia Vs Greece soccer!
(: i alr knw who'll win.
-Greece.
but fuck that. im supporting aussie mates!
(:
ppl go watch it! its on SBS nowwwwwwwww!
go socceroos!! (: *cheerleads*

-im nt sore, am i tiff?
you really think so??
im alr very nice to him.
im not sore! im just protecting maself okayyy
-smile.
ohhhhhhhh one last thingggg monash pple!
go support the longest tea thingy for cancer foundation
anddd the "smile" thingy too! for homeless ppl.
(dont tell me to listen to myself pls. cos i have. and ive been there done that)
so its yourrrrr turn.
be good docs and support them!
(: please. they need it.
thanks lotssssa

-anyone up for a sudoku challenge?
wahahhaha.
im sucha bitch!

-desensitized-

thats how anshini dear wld describe me (:

in lecture today,
me and ansh were soooo bored that we were either
a) talking
b) listening to music
c) doodle-ing on our notes
d) cant be fucked.

right.
(: so we came to a picture of a patient with oral candida albicans.
some random rare bacterial disease.
and we had absolutely NO reaction to it.
(well it did look realllll gross)
but we just COULDNT BE FUCKED. period.
so we took a glare at each other.
and she said what im in self-denial for-
"disensitised".
well. apparently im emo-less now
(I WONDER WHY)
and its not because i WANT to be like you
or that i tink its so fuckin cool' to be like dr house. (hey i love that old hottie k)
its simply cos' i dont have a choice.
in order for a person to get fucked in a relationship (not literally)
and NOT respond unproductively later on,
one HAS to be emotionless, i swearrrrrr.
its just a lousy way of NOT dealing with unnecessary withdrawal symptoms
like crying like a bitch,
hurting like fuck,
and STILL- walk out of it all in one piece (without selfmutilation)
haha.
good illustrations eh?

lets just say ive learnt it the hard way
-winks.

today was an ok day for me.
no biggie.
ohhh ohh ohhh.
but i did do some grocery shopping!
thanks to dilini elliot and pat! for accompanying me allllll the way.
(: yipeee!
FINALLY.
food in my hse after 2.5weeks of virtually emptiness in my fridge and cupboard.
wahahhahha (:

i watched them in the lect hall
and in the stalls.
i watched how close they were
and how they go on without even noticing how envious i am of them.
they seemed so carefree.
like nth really mattered even after breaking up.
and i thot to myself-
such a nice world.

to be oblivious to the fact that, one: theyre NOT tog anymore.
two: others will think otherwise.
three: the fights dont add up to the joy of simply being.
and four: it might become more than what they were expected.
believe i think too much.
but i realised, that to detechnicalise everyyy event in my life
and to spell them all out,
gives me a way to be totally rational about stuff
and to be PRAGMATIC and PRACTICAL (right jerk?)
about every single detail.
and therefore, leading to the deprivation of emotional thoughts.
im cleansed of it all
and its really not a bad thing!

nw i realise why its so fuckin ez for YOU mofo to get out of situations the way you do.
well,
you simply DONT GIVE A FLYING FUCK, do you?
ahhhh now how cld i have misread all the signs
and believed you?
ohhh waittttttt. i knw...
cos there was TRUSTTTTTTTTT and nth beats having that when your boyfriends a wanker, out fucking ard- RIGHT fuckwit?

today got back last week's journal.
frm Ciaran, our HEP tutor.
and she commented that i can turn to her anytime.
that im not alone
and shes been thru it all.
that i will get thru this,
with her.

and i was overwhelmed.
she's just a tutor- and im feeling sooo close to her.
even tho tutes are rather silent.
i love her! ciaran, two thumbs up! (: i'll be alright.
i'll be alright.
i'll be.. alright.
-looks in the distance-.

I AMMM GONNA BE ALRIGHT.
its just an episode- a phase i have to go thru.
its funny.
B. (my loveeee) didnt have such a stabbing effect on me.
i mean,
i weeped my eyes out and i did fall sick alot
i felt like the werld's going to suffocate me
i knew there wasnt another way out.
and suddenly,
you come along
and shattered my already-miserable life.
but i knew we were on life-support as it was.

we really couldnt make it tog, could we.
i wish you listened before you said goodbye.
and now i can only say i hope you're doing well.
cos im not there,
to cook (tho you cook well),
to wash up, (hurhur now im jst the maid!)
to wash YOUR CAR (you loved it as much as i did love you! pout!)
to IRON (rembr how you took hours for one shirt and your pitiful eyes melted me? rembr??)
to cuddle up with you (even tho it was summer, but we didnt give a care. did we.)
to fight with you (now who else would argue that theme 2 was worth learning? haha)
to kiss you goodnight (and watch you sleep thruout the nighttttt)

this is exactly what im saying!
pondering all night and all day
and NOT even realising im STILL here alone.
i cant believe it!
im in the relapse stage of the Prochaska Diclemente cycle.
haha.
ohgod. why am i even blogging.
you reallyyyy wanna know what song ive been singing in my head all week?
all month?
-"still" by brian mcknight.
why isit my msn nick allllllll this while?
WHYYYY dont i change it?
WHYYYYYYY i bother to give a fuck to blog about how much i really hateeee you?
why?
WHY? -and you question me still.-

can i please pretend you still exist inside of me?

for the sake of a painfree existance.

im back.
my bloggin skills have GOT TO BE the best by now
-pissface-
im serious!
its my 3rd entry of the dayyyyyy.
and some pple barely even post an entry for weeks!
some even mths!

... ok i suddenly realise hw pathetic that sounded.
nt like blogging due to lack of exciting activities shld be an achievement worth crowning for.
):
.......

justa thot, a random thot-
kobe my sweeeeeet,
im sorrrrry. sooo sorry.
you dont have to pack up and leave ... right?
-reassure me pls-
i knw. I REALLY KNW.
but you dont (absolutely DONT) have to leave.
i knw youre reading this now.
and im sorry you are actually,
cos that just means you've seen righttttt thru me all this while
(and the posts that weren't exactly meant for you to dwell too deeply in).
here goes nothing-
wo zhai ao zhou gen ni xiang jian de shi hou
tan bai shuo,
gan qing you dian tai shen.
yin wei wo wu fa zhai ni zui xu yao wo de shi hou
an wei ni.
yi zhai ni shen bian ye you suo yu wei.
wo xiang ni hao duo.
ni ke yi bu yao zhai wo zui ruo de shi ke zhou ma?
wo men shi you bu yi de shi hou,
ye you bi chi bu dui jing de shi hou,
dan wo she bu de ni zhou.
qiu qiu ni.
bu yao zhe yang jiu li kai wo.
hao ma?
):

pls dont kobe.
what wld i do.
with one less friend.(of the only few i truly have)
stay with me.

to those who didnt think i'd make it.

i was contemplating being a brat
and whine about life's little fuckups.
orrrrr... be a b*tch
and back-f*cking-stab you like i would love to.
option 2, you say?
(:

today is not too bad.
despite the fact that i ate wayyyy too much lollies and chocs in theme4 tutes!
omggggggg.
we have to have to stop the cake roster tingY!
its getting me fattttttt.
oh yesh.
and did i whineeee about how much wgt i gained?
YESSSSh.
prolly abt like... 4 KGS alr.
and btw. my freakin BMI is alr 19 (it was 17.9)
roar!
ok option number 'brat' down.
now for the real bitchhhhhhh.

hahaha nahhh -waves the broken wrists-
i'd save my breath and yer face today.
too tired.
and no mood for it today.
ohhhhhh wait.
of cos,
i DID get realllllllll annoyed in lecture today.
the one in R1.
dont ask how my mood swings like a playground's swingy-thingy.
it just does.
and boy, was i fumingggg today.
for no apparent reason.
i should wear face retractors that prevent one from getting distracted.
):
pout!!*
uhhhh, the misery.

ohhh but of cos.
im feeling soooooo good compared to last wk and yadaayadaa.
i love our breaks now!
we go Wholefoods or Airport Lounge in campus centre
and....
(well besides eating) PLAY SUDOKU.

elliot schoeburg (sp?) !!!!
i'd kick your arse tmrrrrrrr. (: heh.

when someone said 3 yrs from now
you'd be long gone
i'd stand up and punch them out
cos theyre all wrong
i knw better
when you said forever
and ever
who knew.

when someone said count your blessings now
cos theyre long gone
i guess i just didnt knw how
i was all wrong.
they knw better
still you said forever
and ever
who knew

okokok
CONTROL rach.
rembr.
NO SAPPY LOVE SONGS
that isnt gonna help the situation.
ask if im doing better today (or tmr),
and i'd say its purrrrfect!
and why would that be- you asked.
cos' it isnt wonderful, great, fine, or loved by you.

murphy's law-

who wldve thot that i wld like murphy now!!
):

last night:::
went to the mumus Cocktail party.
you see, (despite my vow to study this week)
dilini called at like 730pm to get my arse outta the hse.
and im actually thankful she did.
cos we met all sortsa docs!!
and it was funny.
well... the jokes were goooood (:
those who missed, well, bad luck (heh. i'l post some jokes k?)
....
ohhhh anddddddd to top off the perfect free-flow-of-booze night,
i had a long long loong (realllyyyyyy long) chat w evan!
the hottie i told u abt.
wahahhaha :D -sniggers-
officially not hot. (we BARELY understand what the other is saying. blame the accents)
ohhh and the other half of the night was spent chatting with the usuals + 2ndyrs!
-aka. PRASHAN mahhh sweets!, jeremy (sporean yr2), dinesh, EVELYN dearrrrrr (imu!),and all the others.....
i tell youuuu!!!
me and prashan has decided to have a weekend 'buffet' for the two houses to get tog.
(the Kanooka & Browns house!) hahahhaha
anyone (who is willing to indulge themselves in curry jokes and sporean-bullsh*t-PAP-inefficiency. hahah) is welcome!(:
my hse. no time confirmed yet.
prolly sat night.
ohhhhh i wanna find workkkk!
roar!!
i realise how many pple have jobs.
and are selfsufficient!
i want i want!
im alr 'isolated' (according to Prashan) and independent as it is,
whats a job anyway??
(:ohhhyesh.

i have to, HAVE TO thank mr prashan-who's-so-damn-sweet:::
thanks for walking dilini all the way home
and then me to my doorstep ....literally.
(: its so sweet. ohhhhh and for giving me ur coat despite it being 8degrees outside.
and for causing you to hv hypothermia (sp?)
HEHE. -winks-
ure the CLOSEST thing to heaven i tell you!! (literally, since u live just down the road.)
hurhurrr.

How do you know you're in bed with an anaesthetist?
-at first you feel a lil prick,
then you feel nothing at all.
:)))))))))))))
(for those who didnt get that, youre sad. just sad. youve missed out a whole loaddddddda jokes last night. and many were abt anaesthetists.)
HAHAHAHAHAHHA i wonder why* hmmmm.
[looks like im nt the only one agst you]
hahaha.

-im having the time of my life.
without you in it.

my 2nd post of this wonderful day!

-"where'd you go" by Fort Minor.

thats exactly what im thinkin right now.
"i want you to knw that its a lil f*cked up.
... when you come back, i wont be here"

isnt that jsut the most relevant song right now?
whilst the rapping spells how angry he is,
and how he isnt gonna wait anymore,
the backharmony sings "please come back home".
sigh*.
seriouslyyyyyyyy man.

pat asked whats w my liner today.
ermmm,....
i figured you guys dont realise,
IM TRYIN' ok.
dont mk it sound like im totally diff and goth now.
im just dressin up to look nice
and NOT distraught
(well obviously that never crossed your mind- that i can be better after this).

today is a good day-
only 2 hrs of tut and lecture.
and it was an ez lecture.
(: yipee.
today is really a better day for me,
with not a single thot of finding you (subconsciously)
and instead of finding myself stoned right in front of you,
i was walking rightttttt past you.
buwahahaha!!

am i dying inside, you say?
oh nooooo.
i have MARY rembr?
im not all emo and useless, you knw.
and i knw it for a fact-
cos.... I've got someone else.
yes readddd my lips -s.o.m.e.o.n.e. e.l.s.e-
someone other than you. (:
thankyou very much.

you like using spanish to pick up girls?
and against me?
well, no prob. we'll do it your way then.
joda lejos.yo le odio para todo que usted ha hecho.
(courtesy of my auntys.)
-i tink ive warned you before of how vicious they can get when it comes to men.
well.
for a pt there,
theyre half irish (where rship probs are inevitable)
and portugese/spanish (its their trademark to scold the fuck outta men)
(: got the hint?
wel, more like a personal attack really.
OH WELL. (:

i love this. to scold and vent without a single person dissing you
cos wel,
practically no one understands me! (:
yesss.
NOW i knw why you like it so much j.
cos no one gives a fuck about you anymore. (when ure using it ... OF COS.)
now why didnt i tink of that??

-mayb cos im nt a stuckup lousy piece of vocally OPiniOnaTeD 'sleeper' with nth else better to do. oh yes.
and plus, spanish girls are hott.
oh righttttt. now hw cld anyone forget that.
right josh?

hotttt. (:

woke up today at 8am.
how sweet is that?!?!?!? -raises eyebrow.
cossss i had a GREATT sleep last night.
and i wonder why. *HMMMMMM.
(:
well maybe, JUST MAYBE, cos i had a peace of mind after saying the rosary. (:
SEE j,
MARY ACTUALLY EXISTS (and you need help, so you might wanna turn to her someday.)
heh.
ok tiff says im tactless sometimes.
WE SHALL BE NICE TODAY right tiff? (:
and not b*tch bout you-know-who.
hahahahahhaa.

ohhhh man. my poor dearest tiffie honeywoneyyyyy has so much work.
i pity you dear. nvm!
wait till i start MY assignment,
then you'll nv hear the lasts of me. (: heh.

oh yes!
im starting the week right.
and by right, i MEANNNNNN right.
no more unworthy distractions (im ova that shit rembr?)
and no more unhealthy diets.
MUST maintain a right attitude (ignoring all forms of $%^&*())
anddddd studyyy.
so i can go home guiltfree!
yesyesyes.
ME AND TIFF (notice: no more TIff and I) are gonna go phuket or some random thai place in nov or dec together!
(: yayy yay yayyyyy.
dont pangseh arrrrr... -hands on hips-
i cant wait.
nth here in melb is worth staying for.
wellllll,
besides my darlingsssssss lk anshini and dilini and markie boy!
ohhh and of cos'- skantha, shahid, michelle hunnn, krissss hunnnie, kobe mah poserrrr. (:

a light note to jeff:::
ME and j are NOT HAVING a rift ok!!
plssssssss dont get us wrong.
we're fine (right Arsehole??)
ha. we just dont wanna go for seminars that deviates us frm our own religion.
actually, i really wanted to go for it
till you-know-fucking-who spoilt my mood.
haha. sorry dear. but next one yes??
and regarding the ski trip.
NOOOooooooooooooooo. pls dont torture me any more than he alr has.
i dont wanna look stoopid waddling in snow i cant ski over.
hahahaha
but i still love u!

and for alll
IM FCKING late for school.
yikes!
there goes my morning coffee.
SIGH SIGH SIGH.
erghhh -pout.
i hate being late.

how 'bout a cuppa shut-the-fuck-up.

(: im in a slightly better mood.
woooh! good work Greg Berendt! (:
alsooooo,
went to church in the early morning today! :)))))
yes j, a CATHOLIC church.
wahhaha -sniggers-.
felt so good for once,
and i bought an olive wood rosary!!
(: yeshhhh can you just imagine how precious it looks?
was kinda ex. but hell that.
its for a good cause!

anyways,
after mass,
i returned home to a sty.
a pile of shit lying everywhere. just pissed me off.
so i decided to do autumn cleaning. heh. :)
picture me bent on my knees sweeping up every speck of dust with a miniature dustpan.
yes,
that was me today.
now only left my room to clearrrr.
den, STUDY!!
dilini wil be over later to make me dinner and accompany me.
im so fucking bored and i dint wanna watch the davinci code AGAIN.
(once was wayyyyyy more than enough)
so ken dil alex went to chaddy without me!
pout!*
hahah jkjk
at least i got housework done (: yipee.
i literally laid on the floor (to prove a point ok!)
my hse is nice and neat and oh!!
pls tk off ur shoes before stepping on spotless ground (:

last night,
upon realising that i lost anthony's new hp no,
i decided to call someone else.
and first one popped to mind- LIONEL TAN!!
(: yesss my fellow capricorn. hurhur.
(he hates it when i say that)
anywayyyy
talked for really long. and i finally realise
just how much i miss him!!
he's got exams on 8th june
so he probably cant pick me up frm the airport.
but f*ck that!
as long as we meet up,
hell will i be the happiest girl ... on holiday! (:
ilu* dudddddde. and pls ar... listen to the DOCTOR here,
*cough AHEM cough*
bring your lil sis to the hospital todayyy if she's still having a high fever.
pls. 40degrees is NOT mild. and not normal.
if thats ONE thing i learnt from prof Chris lecture,
NEVER IGNORE A FEVER.
heh. -brainwashed-
------------
im becoming violent, i swear.
thanks to the one and only b*stard we allll know.
i just had an epiphany today at church.
i was moody in prayer
and suddenly, this song hit me.
"He".
i loveeeeeee it. and i suddenly realised (thanks to God's mysterious way of showing that im never alone and that YOU cant hurt me either.)
that everyoneeeeeee i knw can walk away from me
and turn their backs on me-
but he's still there for me.
my friends can side you instead
and your friends can mock me.
but he wont. he wont even judge me like you did.

he can turn the tides
and calm the angry sea
he alone decides who writes a symphony
he lights every star that makes our darkness bright
he keeps watch all thru each long and lonely night.
he still finds the time to hear a child's first prayer
saints and sinners call
and always find him there.
tho it hurts him much to see the way we live.
he'd always say
i forgive.
-He.

i can just imagine how melo the whole church gets when this song plays.
and when we sing it,
we're like angels.- (some just fallen from grace.)
but he didnt give up on me.
Gosh, im so weird now.
ttsk tsk.
feeling a lil queazy rite now.
tink its cos of all the dust ive inhaled in tryin to clean up this shithole.
sucha hoe. ):
i cant cant cant wait for the exams.
(:

ohhh i suddenly thot of this chinese song that my twinnies back home FIRST sang.
(: its called Xiao Wei.
my step mummy taped it down
and till today,
i listen to it whenever i get the chance too.
TOO BAD for them, those cuties,
cos im going home to BRAINWASH THEM.
just listen to the song and TELL ME IT SUCKS.
cos now i officially hate it.
(: thanks very much Dr. Quack.
erghh.

ohhhhhhhh and i just rembrd!
i have to visit thailand while im back in spore!!
mayb by then i can see you linn!
i rreallyyyyyyyy need to go bangkok andddd phuket etcetc
(: yay. i just cannot wait.
ergh ergh ergh POUT POUT.
im still contemplating leaving this shithole.
but my choices are limited to just ONE other place (not spore thankfully)
haha.
shld i go.
and look like a weazily coward and total loser,
BUT also be higher interms of education.
cos well, i always knew i wanted this.
and this is a mill times better.
or shld i stay.
and look totally stoopid esp when im alone on campus.
BUT since i knw my presence bugs you,
MAN do i feel like sticking ard another ten yrs!
it just tickles to know how much selfpreservation you tact up agst me.
its funny cos
while you do YOUR THING,
i'll be skipping a 'loe round your patheticy. (YEP THATS MY WORD BTW)

ohh yes and one last reminder to you::
GET REAL and stop using MY lingos.
quit stealing MY lines
and using MY intonation.
you've taken far more than you ever will deserve.
pls leave MY style for ME. thank you very much.
my words, my phrases, my usuals DO NOT even suit your face and whatever disturbing attitude you have.
its not meant for you to take just to look good (yes i knw i knw, my lingos are great arent they?)
well too bad mr patheticy.
its mine and ive officially signed w my blood.
so TAKE YOUR THREE-INCHES SOMEWHERE ELSE.
hahaha.
-bless your soul. you really think you're in control
*mumbles*
you lowdown, dirty piece of sh*t.
ahhhh that felt good.
pls take your leave now.

how 'bout a cuppa

take everything ,and please: just fuck off.

ok this is my 2nd post in an hour.
directed to you, b*stard (:

(ppl dont mind my vulgarities.
and pardon my ignorance to you guys.
i really am stuck up my chest)

i just want to rectify my 'misunderstood' perspective of...
well... [you].
btw fuckhead,
just in case you didnt already knw (which shld be the case since your ego is alr bigger than your balls)
i am not sitting around,
wondering to myself just how much i want you back.
or even the littlest things
like getting you your fav chocs or a whole fucking arai helmet.
J,
you're not everything i have.
you were, i admit with absence of peace-of-mind,
but not anymore.
you try to be someone you're not.
even with me,
i caught you out on every single lie you told me
or 'theories' about yourself which really, spells IRONY.
you think im suffering in silence all this while you assumed i was waiting for you?
i wasnt J.
i could've walked away before you did.
in fact, i could've spelt out all the shit you did to me.
but i didnt.
and that's for respect J.
for your way with words (which really, sounds cheesy now, to think abt it)
and your players' techniques to cheat me.
J. im nt all the girls.
yeah, i did make one mistake. but that was with you.

i didnt ask to be glorified for my sacrifice
and i definitely didnt ask to be humiliated.
even the sporeans knw abt us.
you may sound like ure in the upperhand now,
but J,
to be crowned king of players and bastards isnt exactly something to be proud of.
if you could see that my defence agst you
is just a form of realisation that i dont need you anymore,
then maybe you'd realise yourself
that we're just a bunch of kids.
we can survive without the unnecessary doubt of love.
i did, didnt i. the way we were inseparable.
it was real. wasnt it?

i started this entry with so much angst and pain.
with so much regret and humiliation.
but guess what,
im leaving it with my pride and grace.
i'd saunter out by MYSELF and leave the guilt of my ineffectuality behind.

i stoned out for 10 mins
and returned to blogging, realising how much ive missed out this whole few mths.
i want my life back J.
Let me go and you'd find someone else.
listening to so many jaychou songs and GnR songs,
i miss home so much.
just how Josh Gerk Louis would play their songs while i listen on.
we were a beautiful bunch (:
help me get thru this pls.

why am i tearing? for what apparent reason are you worth my tears.
havent you heard?
im moving on.

no man is worth your tears.
and when you find someone that does,
he wont make you cry.

im moving onwards- leaving you behind.
save your sympathy song and sing it for someother girl you dumped after a shit night at some broken-down shab hotel.
im not like them and never will be.
ego as i may sound,
im just protecting myself J.
from you of cos.
you melt girls with your words,
capture them when theyre weak in your arms,
tie up their hearts in a knot
and send them for hell.

i cried and i cried every night that i died for you baby
i tried and i tried to deny your love drove me crazy.
it made me so mad cos i wanted it bad for us baby.
and its so sad that whatever we got aint worth saving.
if the pain that im feeling so strong is the reason im holding
then im wrong, yeah im wrong
this aint a love song.

thats exactly what im thinking.
im holding on for the wrong reason.
i knw me ranting here just proves my guilt that im finding it hard to get over you.
but dont underestimate what a bitch i can be J.
i can turn my words ard like a whore (not the ones you *toot*)
and backstab you with every ounce of my breath.
but i wont do that.
for the sake of our past friendship. (or whatever you made it out to be)
i didnt rant here to be slapped in the face by evryone who's behind me in this.
i can name you a million ppl who would literally kick your disgusting arse jst to make me smile again. (so learn- and dont push it)
i just came here with angst upon hearing your verdict
in 'not wanting me back anymore'.

j.
please,
(no offence) you're not all that hot,
and tho i knw a couple of ppl mad enough to wait a life for you
and to tolerate watching you sleep ard with the worlddddd,
im not that dumb.
(not all cheerleaders are bimbos k)
you for one, was an AC guy-
typical. just typical.
walking ard with their dicks higher than their noses. (no offence meg)
i knw for a fact, just what you're like.
your self-preservation and pathetic self-righteousness is utterly amusing to me.
you think everyone wants to get laid by you.
you think the worlddd wants YOU.
oh pls, i BEG BEG BEG BEG BEG to differ j.
andddd you think that theres a line of sexy hot women just sitting outside your door, fruitlessly waiting for you to take YOUR fucking pick.
well, their wait is aimless- you're NEVER gonna pick them j.
i'll spare you the shame of being 'unpopular' and give you all the fame you always wanted,
by avoiding DE-IDENTIFICATION.
(:

how lovelyyy. now aint i just so sweet?
now you knw how fucked i can get back at you,
bet you never saw thru this 'me'. oh well. :)
you fucked up- you assume i'd be crying all over you - you thot i wldnt bear to bitch abt oh-sooooo-hott-you- ,you thot i'd watch myself crumble in frnt of you.
well, you thot wrong.
and to save you from the trauma of having to face ppl's qns in school,
i shall just TELL THEM MYSELF THIS TIME
(if they ask)
and let you go scottfree :)))))
now wouldnt tht be swell?
right josh, RIGHT?

isnt that just how you like it?
getting what YOU want,
conveniently disregarding everyone else's needs,
FUCK around the world,
come back
and try to get away with YOUR retarded actions by pushing the attention onto ME.
oh wow. whats new.
couldnt you have come up with something more entertaining??
-shakes head-
im disappointed.
you used your words so well on me (and 9876546789 other girls)
and you couldnt even get ard this any worse than you alr have.
-SHAKES HEAD frivolously-
it seemed like just two days ago when i was sooo madly writing my diary,
crying over my loss,
reminiscing all we had.
(key word: HAD)
and now
im walking out here, with my marlboro (hopefully it gets left bhind with you)
and all on my own.

i feel so broken up, and i give up
you're not my only one anymore.

you're not even mine to begin with.
im back to the beginning-
before you even came abt.
im turning to those who love me
for ME.
without strings attached. and who DONT EXPECT SEX at any expense (you idiot.)
im taking my pride with me
but dont worry, i'd leave you a lil present i've been wanting to give you-
some face.
so i dont leave you with the kind of humiliation you left me.
and cos i knw exactly how fucked up it can be when there's no one left to blame.
(:
so take care (and take all the other things you left at my place)
(: heh.
ohhh take everything else (just the way you always have)
ohhhh! but jst dont take one thing-
your fucking time;.

They said patience is the mother of virtues.
Ahhh fuck that.
And you -points finger-
Fuck the hell off.

thanks for ur unnecessary opinion.

okokok.
im so excited to blog.
purely cos last nite was a blasttttt.
.....
met dilini dear at clayton station to eat dinner
CHAR KWAY TEOW! (:
heh.
then headed to Heist nightclub in the city
oMG it was fugglying boring can!
NO ONE and NOTHING to do.
hahahha well apart frm the fact that i met my dearest shahid and skantha and wynnnn!
(: ilu allll.
miss taylors so much nw! roar! (:

anyway dilini was bored so we changed location to opp the road-
the ever so great AMBeR.
andddddd we had a hell of a time.
cos tho it was not as crowded as last year's events,
it was soooooo hot i tel u!
met SOOOOO many ppl.
some talked like we knew each other foreverrrrrrrr.
and skantha and i rekindled old times.
the time where nothin mattered.
not even work (cos taylors was ez)
not even health- smoked, soccer nights on friday, drank alc like its our oxygen,
etc etc etc etc.
tho i must say,
i had sucha bad feeling abt kobe's reaction to me after that night.
it ran thru my mind like i never thot it ever wld.
oh well shit happens.
and for ONCE,
skantha darl' and i were sooooooo close that we knew each other's lives alr.
well,
we chatted at some corner,
got really drunkkkk (or purely plastered) from all the
TEQUILLA SHOTS, SUNRISE, SEX ON THE BEACH, 151 (yes 1-fucking-51), wild turkey, vodka!, blow job, and of cos,
my classsic favourite- BEER!
well lets say im still irish. (:
heh.
ohhh anddddd for ONCE in my entire life in monash med,
i got you off my mind.
YES (you must be happy to knw that)
but i truly hope you knw hw much YOU'RE losing.
(wahaha- courtesy of skantha)
i really did love skantha much more than i did for you.
last night, i never felt free-er to be myself.
and not worry who i dance with or HOW i dance with them
just to satisfy YOUR need for ownership.
*HINT-fucking-HINT*
i dont mind you pretending you're ok
or making ME look not ok in frnt of all the med pple.
but pls j,
i dont think i'd ever wanna be someone like you,
who turns to sex every fuckin time you want to look good and accepted.
i know what you're doing outside.
and i KNEW before what you did.
and i accepted it.
well,
news flash!
NOT ANYMORE.
you can express your opinion on anything
and we ALL know how fucking opinionated you are.
so thats fine. ohhh no, thats fine.
but while you're at it,
please realise,
its pple like YOU *points finger RUDELY*
that causes religious and racial tensions in the world.
we all curse Bush for not resolving these catastrophies in the world,
when really,
the only thing we SHOULDVE done is unto you instead.

so mind your language and expression when you talk about MY RELIGION.
i am proud to be catholic
and the only reason i could FINALLY let it all out
and go agst your ideas for fucking once,
is cos you crossed the line.
and im pretty sure you did it intentionally.
u knw why?
cos you DIDNT NEED TO FORWARD UR VIEWS AGST CATHOLISM TO MY EMAIL
you jackarse.
please watch your words.
i dont take offences.
so dont worry. your personal attack to me (AS PER USUAL) is dismissed.
but ur insults to MY religion will incur u some losses im sure.
//hold your tongue white knight.
you're the only bitch around here who doesnt knw his place in this world.

phew!
all out! there!
have that, arsehole.
im over the trying-to-be-nice-to-keep-you shit
and im back to the real rach.
a bitch in your face. and up your arse.
ohwait i shant say that,
cos i KNW you want that. and i shant make you overjoyed and privileged to get it.
(:
smile Josh,
the other side of the earth's not agst you.
maybe just me.
but hey, shit happens, RIGHT JOSH?
and as much as you're gonna give your USUAL TYPICAL player's speech-
"blah blah dont think youre so great princess.
blah *quote some TOTALLY irrelevant bible thingy* blah.
blah blah the world doesnt evolve around you blah"

well guess what loser?
YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE WHO NEEDS A CHANGE.
try a car accident (LIKE MYSELF. oh wait, ure not even worthy of a smashed car)
or smth to wake up your puny little GREY MATTER (of whats left)
and try a new day.
a new place.
i didnt have FAMOUS docs as parents to brainwash me into med
and i didnt have their guidance as well.
so while your oh-so-fucking-valuable opinions root its stand,
get this-
i dont give two flying fucks what you think.
and you hav been pissing me off for the past few mths that ive SURVIVED this shit from you.
tk it from someone like me,
that you're NOT all tht cool jst cos you sleep with virtually everyone.
but heyyy,
dont worry. just be glad you haven't contracted HIV.
rembr how our lecturers taught us??
didnt you realise tht those pts with HIV during stakeholder contracted it either cos of gay intercourse or frm THEIR HUSBANDS?

doesnt that shw smth?
-that men like you, cheat on their wives and STILL pass them a gift- of AIDS.
-that it only took them ONE intercourse (and a huge mistake that is) to get HIV.
now wht does that show?
that your fuckin lucky to be alive and kicking (literally everyone) cos the probability of you getting it wld be abt.... hmm lets see.... 7890765432567890 times the chance of those innocent wives and men getting HIV.
count urself lucky b*stard.

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
finally. off my chest and off my mind.
no offence to anyone (exceptJ. hahah)
cos im really pissed and i need an outlet to vent my angers.
if only u guys knew what was going on here.
then maybe you'd see why im sucha pain today. (:
but to all others,
have a greattttttt weekend! (:
heh.