unfaithful #%*()(*&^%$#@

mood: -pondering-

listening to 'Unfaithful'. by rhianna.
its suchaaa urghhhh song.
(if u get what i mean).
nice. but somehow,
i feel thats not a song I'D be singing.
so far,
its evident that im right ):

and i knw that he knws im unfaithful
and it kills him inside
to knw that i am happy with some other guy
i can see him dying.
i dont wanna do this anymore.
i dont wanna be the reason why
everytime i walk out the door
i see him die a lil more inside.
i dont wanna hurt him anymore
i dont wanna take away his life
i dont wanna be... a murderer.

i wonder.. if these were your words,
how will i ever..
what will i do?
in fact, it isnt hard to imagine it.
cos' its already so reallll to me.
(well to you at least).
im still oblivious to the fact that its NOT happening right now.
count my ego wise.
its selfpreservation my dear *chants*

its sucha pity.
and i keep thinking about it.
-how i planned it all out for you.
for us.
we had to forgo a lot of things.
a lot of plans.
a lotttt of memories.
no more thailand trip with you.
no more MAMBO night clubbing in spore with you.
no more SURPRISE bday prezzie for you.
no more going home to spore in hols together with you.
no more newton, chompchomp, zion road etc etc outings planned with you.
no more sleepovers and late night DVD-ing!! with you.
no more Singaporean dishes to be cooked with you and by you.
no more car washing on sundays for you.
no more falling asleep talking about everythingggggg i want to share with you.
no more hugging to sleep at night right beside you.
no more watching you sleep in my arms. no more goodnight kisses for you and by you. (well depends who slept first right? heh.)
no more 'we's on the line- just EITHER 'you' or 'i'.
no more fighting it out over every lil shit we had, though thats what makes couples, couples.
no more 'iloveyou's to mumble each time we left each other even for a sec, now just 'goodbye's.
no more 'see you soon' even though we would meet each other in half a split second.
no more 'dear' or 'darling' or 'baby love' or terms of endearment cos' it doesnt sound FRIENDLY enough.
no more bitching about the weirdestttt people and pretend we werent doing so when they walk rightttt past us (that was fun eh.)
no more this. no more that. no more any-fucking-thing.
no more conversation. not even a 'hi'.
no more tryin to be nice.
no more forced feelings.
no more forced-to-be-hidden tears.
no more tryin.
no more arguing.
no more 'together's.
no more side-smiles that hooked me on
no more obligation to RESTRICT befriending abilities.
no more fuckinggggggggggggg pain.
no more. no more. no more. anymore.

and i actually bothered to wonder why you could just walkkkkkkk away.
you're you.
and im.. well.. just not yours.
-------------------end of emo post-----------------------

today was a normal long fucking long* day
8-5pm.
practical was fun! i like microbiology.
makes a whole lot of sense to me now.
-finally.
histology rawkz! (:

i hate theme 2 purely cos my tutor is sooo annoying queer.
fancy picking on a student (cough cough)
who bothers to do her work
and CONTRIBUTE.
but you nicely disregard my effort.
you b*stard.
GOSH!
ive had enough of MENNNNN to last me a lifetime and a day.
):
pout pout!!
-trap me while im at the bottom-.

a lil note to sarah my sistaaaaaa:::
jie,
dont you worry. im pretty sure my doctor instincts are accurate
(FINE. i mean my SISTERLY instincts)
you'll be fine
and im sureee youre just being like me- paranoid.
tk cr tho. and be careful yeahh?
ilu with sooo much missing too!
mwahhhhS*

apart from the fact that this blog is supposed to be private,
and i need a place to burst out,
I HAVE ALOT TO GET OFF MY CHEST.
im holding it sooo tight to myself.
i can hardly believeeeee im still breathing.
seriously.

ohhhhhhhhhhhhh today is Australia Vs Greece soccer!
(: i alr knw who'll win.
-Greece.
but fuck that. im supporting aussie mates!
(:
ppl go watch it! its on SBS nowwwwwwwww!
go socceroos!! (: *cheerleads*

-im nt sore, am i tiff?
you really think so??
im alr very nice to him.
im not sore! im just protecting maself okayyy
-smile.
ohhhhhhhh one last thingggg monash pple!
go support the longest tea thingy for cancer foundation
anddd the "smile" thingy too! for homeless ppl.
(dont tell me to listen to myself pls. cos i have. and ive been there done that)
so its yourrrrr turn.
be good docs and support them!
(: please. they need it.
thanks lotssssa

-anyone up for a sudoku challenge?
wahahhaha.
im sucha bitch!