baby, sometimes love just ain't enough.

okkk. i figured that i cant hide a tattoo forever.
-.-'' (NO you cant)
and so, the revelation part was smoooth-
APPEAR IN A MID-DRIFT AND FUCK IT.
yes.
and turns out, stepmom ad actually thinks its hottt.
-yeeeeeouch.
as it seems,
my dad tinks it'll fade off soon. period.
well maybe cos he knws me toooo fucking well.
and he KNOWS i cant take no pain.
(thats not an attribute i got from bimboism btw)
buttt anyhow,
dont panic dont panic! i'll post up pics of it WHEN my hse internet works.
bloody wanks.
and thennnn all the mambojumbo shit and stuff will be up, okie dokie??
(: heh.

ohhhh did i mention that gerk went to heeren to get my tatt done?
and it was highly overrated - as told by EVERYONE else. hurhur.
ohh yeah.
and you knw.
gerk said was sooo funny-
for the 1st 15mins i was yelling my arse off.
(it was intolerable pain FOR ME at least. hurRrr)
and after that i was dead silent.
and as commented by gerk,
he tot i died inside that room.
gosh.
that was the slowest, painest 1 hr i'd EVER have to go thru/
incl 9 mths of pregnancy, 735492 hrs of delivery... YOU get my point.
S:

as for tmrrrrrr.....
i CANT WAIT to meet up withhh my IJ side of me! teehee!
CANDICE ANG RU WEI, STEPHANIE SONG, HEAH XINYANG.
my babeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees
i cant imagine not meeting you when im back in spore.
thats like just SAd. period.
hahaaa. (:

today's match. portugal vs netherlands!
hahah it was funny.
my family was just LOST. who to bet for??
we're half of each (excl. irish)
hurhur.
overall... chose portugal to support!
hahahhaa. considering holland is where my long family lines run,
they have enuf supporters!
hahahhahah LOL.
wtf. im boreddddddd.

----------
im surrounded with lives-
but my heart's a-messin.
when i sit back and wait,
i get the people running.
and when i TRY,
i just find myself alone again amidst a whole crowd.
i can take being single,
not being alone. theres a diff.
when i walk the town
and watch the world go past me,
i'd tink i had abs no one
to walk beside me instead.
so when you take my hand-
promise me you'll understand.
its my heart you're holding
no matterrrrr when.

updating you, or convincing myself.

a brief update about the past week.
went mambo night at like 7pm +++
@#$%^&*(_)*&^%%$#
to watch the modelling thingy
then to dance of cos!
william, bel, geraldine, mark, paul, shaun and all turned up.
and it was fucking packed la!!!
esp pHUTURE.

k so heres the fucked up part of my week
(and henceforth my nicotine addiction and vulgarities)
lets name the obvious "X". hurrr.

so the club was fuck packed.
and X decided in our best interests that he shld grab my hand to bucker off the crowd.
in every modesty, (may i add)
we ended up (in DE MOST mysterious way) holing hands in a more-than-fuck-frens kinda way.
not like how girlfrens hold hands while shopping (or thus pulling one another into Great spore sales)
nor like how i'd hold my daddy's hand (yes even till now).
it was WRONG (in other words)
and just when my subconscious mind hypnotises itself to believe its becos
the club is fucking crowded,
we left the club, and LO AND BEHOLD-
he still held out his hand to hold mine.
(lets skip the intimate emos running thru our balls and get to the point)

the very next fucking day,
sarah n i meet up with the usual gang at blk 163.
and who wldve guessed- MR hold-fucking-hands X is there.
and SARAH noticed the awkwardness we shared.
and to my disgrace,
am labelled cheap for what was not on my part to show unintention just bcos
the club is fucking crowded.
pls dont misplace my words and stuff it up my butt.
i reallyyyyyyy have no reason to deny anything or whatsoever.
its just fucked.

YOURE ENGAGED for crying out loud.
no one owes you anything.
and dont blame me for what you couldnt mk yourself happy with.
it was also YOUR decision to leave him.
and YOUR decision to fuck up your relationships.
with anyone. even me.
first it was Mr fucking X.
then you bring in Mr R. Williams.
OHHHH PLEASE FUCKING spare me.
he is my bestboyfriend. (if YOU GET WHAT I MEAN)
and nothing else.
we meet almost daily cos its pple like HIM who realises that i wont be ard for long.
so fuck it where it hurts you most.
and dont judge me.
you dont KNW whats going on in MY life right now.
and if u knew,
you prolly wldnt even understand.
we're not perfect. neither are MEN.
so if someone didnt make you half as happy as you claim you shld be,
then im sorry.
BAD LUCK.

ergh.
sorry just had to rant it all out in fronta this fucked up monitor.
i'll update pics from this mambo realll soon.
i cant wait actually.
its so fucking fun lah!!
(: ohhh yes
and what made it all the better-(thanks to you guys)
i had pple to defend my overwhelming emos regarding you.
so stare at me like you dont givafuck,
tell the werld how much you dont need/want/love me. (circle the appropriate options)
go MAMBO and dance with the werld just to prove i-dont-knw-what-your-fuckin-point-is POINT. hurrrrr..
j.
i couldve walked away. i couldve been the best girl you HAD.
but you just didnt try. *didnt-keyword here.
MY bad that you didnt get the best of me.
but you can have the rest of me. ):

rembr OUR song?
fmark played it in his stereo one day.
and i reminisced so badlyyyyyy.
let me just sing it out once more for you please.

here i go
scream my lungs out
to try and get to you

you are my only one

i let go,
but theres no one that gets me like you do.

you are my only.
my ONLY fuckingggggggggg ONE.

pay me your attention.

OMG. slept for 17 hrs.
SH*T.
i must stop. this is hypnotic!

heading home later tonite.
keith is coming over to stay w sArah,
and I gotta go home for the week. hurhur.
and its marina sq tmr! to meet marilyn my meimei!
(: oh oh oh! and mambo too. i cant wait!
elliot and pat, DONT PANGSEH pls. ):

theres nth to blog today.cos i just got up and theres nth done yet.
haha.
cough* okkk i need one of our monash meddies' help!
I'VE GOT A VERY BAD COUGH. like tonsilitis kinda shit.
i tink its a viral one. HELP!!!!!
(pls dont tell me its cos of fagging. cos i ALREADY figured so)

+peaceout my werld

remember us.

met meg for breakkie at KAP!
(: yay. our usual big breakfast at macs! (:
and thennnn watched a lot of spore idol auditions on youtube.com.
wahhhlao!
that drama boy and the nong nong ago guy were superrrly funnyy!
(: heh.
ohhh then went to coffee bean at west-fuck-mall to meet Gerard, Joshua, Elmo and Sarah.
wahhahahah it was basically my monday's plan.
just chilling there from lunchtime till.... 9 pm.
heh.
then headed to the nearby kopitiam for Mee Pok dinner w gerk n elmo n sarah.
(: a simple, yet very fulfilled day for me.
and now... i miss them all alr! ):

as for tonite,
i'll be at signature park once more.
-skips ard-.
acc sarah jie again.
and tmr im planless (its a choice btw).
ONE day in the week for relaxation and basically doing NOTHING.
haha.
ohhh yes. wed- MIGHT meet el and pat IF they do decide to go mambooo! (:
whhhheeeeeeeeee -dances ard-.
ohhh meetin my meimei toooo. i cannot cannot cannot wait!
hope belly is well enuf by then. sigh*
I CANT IMAGINE A MAMBO WITHOUT HER!
):
----------------------------- reminisce-------------------------------------
i've thot of ways and means to get to you.
and now im tired of trying.
no wait- i never stop trying.
maybe i'd do it my way-
in the deep deep recesses of my own werld,
i'll keep you there.
just the two of us. *we can make it if we try*
i had a think about B. today.
i talked to cyril for a sec today at westmall
and realised,
all im doing for B. is for formality's sake.
put HIM and josh on a lifeline-
and despite all i had with B.,
i wldnt even tk 2 secs to decide that its not gonna be B. who i'll run to.
no...
no.

its not the fact that B. did wrong things unto me,
or that he never really was there at all to begin with.
its my head that KNOWS B. would never be replaced,
and that B. will only fulfil my werld in every aspect-
but my heart is beating for someone other than B.
someone who barely knew me,
yet made me the happiest person in med. in monash. in melb.
in this life.
and in the next,
i tink i'd be ashamed if i didnt acknowledge just how much he meant to me.
it was worth the tears
cos tho i lost,
and i have nothing left to be proud of,
but i loved- and i lived with you in my prayers.
in my mind. in my days.

i may not have anyone to convince me that its worth the wait.
and i knw just how much you've done wrong agst me.
but im more than willing to put it all behind.
bring me back to the day you begged me back.
let me relive a false memory- whatever you call it,
but dont take the only image i have of your love,
(and whats left).
you can take me for granted.
and let my youth go to waste in waiting,
but dont take my heart along with you-
to let me watch you fall in love with someone ELSE.
dont drag my spirit out on the streets
while you d-dance with the chics in the club.

tell pat or el that im not worth it.
tell them how SURE you are on NOT coming back to me.
tell the werld how i get thru each day in loss.
josh-
tell them wht you figure.
but tell me you're lying- that you're not all that heartless.
that you're using this new you to cover up for my loss.
that you wont leave me to watch myself do this.
that you dont love me like before, but STILL i'll try. and you'd let me.
that when you club n f*ck ard the town, you only think of me.
that when its dark and lonely, you'd want me to want you.
that when its late at night, you need only me.
that when its past your due, you miss only me.

i dont want to hear her name.
or how gentle she is.
i dont want to be 2nd to anyone.
not even her.
i dont want to have to live another life,
pretending i dont love you.
i dont want you to want anyone else.
its just me.
i dont want you to paint your love out.
unless its for me.

i sound so selfish.
and yet i trust my instincts more than anything else.
i lost.
i have nothing to show the werld.
and the werld has nothing to offer me.
but if its one thing i have,
is faith.
and thats gonna pull my arse thru this.

why did i get all emo again? you ask.
and how i managed to pretend so well for the past months that i could do without?
): i did.
i just didnt have the heart to bring myself down.
to let those in melb,especially, to watch me crumble.
i knw you guys are always there.
and ilu all. for all the support and love. (:
when dil n ansh read this, i knw you guys will flip and call me in spore to yell at me.
(dil will prolly fly over to choke me still)
but theres a storm in my mind and a war in my teeenie weeenie heart.
and i think i might just explode.
on an honest note,
im faggin much more than i expected i ever will.
in fact,
thats all i ever do.
i wil stop. just gimme time to live.
(: the gd ol' rach will be back one day. some day. soon.

hello-.

I've been alone with you inside my mind
And in my dreams
I've kissed your lips a thousand times
I sometimes see you pass outside my door.

Hello
Is it me you're looking for?

I can see it in your eyes
I can see it in your smile
You're all I've ever wanted
And my arms are open wide
'Cause you know just what to say
And you know just what to do
And I want to tell you so much
I love you.

I long to see the sunlight in your hair
And tell you time and time again
How much I care
Sometimes I feel my heart will overflow.

Hello
I've just got to let you know.

Cause I wonder where you are
And I wonder what you do
Are you somewhere feeling lonely
Or is someone loving you
Tell me how to win your heart
For I haven't got a clue
But let me start by saying
I love you.

-lionel richie; hello.

hello? more like goodbye, ergh.
sorry bout yday's emo entry.
realllll emo.
had a reason (btw).
watched the show "the unsaid" w sarah on tv last nite,
till bout 3 am plusssssssss.
gosh. and im awake at 8 alr ):
its a bloody sweet/sad/fuckedup/ etc etc etc show.
now im hooked onto even more emo songs.
fuckwits.

in this one life,
each n every one of us wldve met ONE person in our lives
whom we're willing to live, and die for.
and that ONE person wld do the slightest thing and YET
it'd hurt us much more than anything else.
in fact,
it'll hurt us most.
and we'll picture a lifeeee with that one person.
no- a family, maybe even growing old together.
but as it goes,
all good things come to an end-
and that person will leave you, he'll let you go.
you lose that ONE person you thought you'd always have.
well,
you STILL have him, eyeah.
he's just not in love with you.
maybe someone else.
maybe even your bestfriend- or just another friend.
and suddenly, that hi-bye-friend becomes your worst enemy.
you get into a rage
you fag
you fuck ur life upside down with every form of intoxication you knw.
even the worst of the lot.
but deep deeeeeep dwn,
YOU KNOW THATS NOT YOU.
so maybe im wrong to say
that i was getting over.
cos i am over it. (wtf am i talking bout??)
i just didnt say im doing well.

-goodbye-

I can see the pain living in your eyes
And I know how hard you try
You deserve to have so much more
I can feel your heart and I sympathize
And I'll never criticize
all you've ever meant to my life

I don't want to let you down
I don't want to lead you on
I don't want to hold you back
From where you might belong

You would never ask me why
My heart is so disguised
I just can't live a lie anymore
I would rather hurt myself
Than to ever make you cry
There's nothing left to say
But goodbye

You deserve the chance
at the kind of love
I'm not sure I'm worthy of
Losing you is painful to me

You would never ask me why
My heart is so disguised
I just can't live a lie anymore
I would hurt myself
Than to ever make you cry
There's nothing left to say
But goodbye

You would never ask me why
My heart is so disguised
I just can't live a lie anymore
I would hurt myself
Than to ever make you cry
There's nothing left to try
Though it's gonna hurt us both
There's no other way
Than to say
Goodbye

-oh god.
i never shldve watched spore idol.
they all suck.
yes, EVEN JOAKHIM (or whatever his fname is)
OMG. except a few hot ones, but voCally- zero. zilch.
now im depressed- hooked onto this retarded fucked up song.
i HATE THIS SONG. its stuck in my head.
and instead of going all pompous and canniving,
and what not,
i'll be honest and BLUNT.

josh.
it didnt matter that you left me to dead (noooo thats not a grammatic error)
whether you tell the werld or pat or elliot or YOUR FAVOURITE GIRL
how clingy i was,
or how 'uncool' you felt with me,
let me just say that I WASNT THE ONE WHO DIDNT TRY.
so before you 'go all ballistic on me' (note the quote/unquote),
please dont assume im doing well,
OR that im dying without  you.
yes,
you may have made my day when i met you at zouk.
and i MAY have looked so much happier STILL,
but werent you the one who told me looks are deceiving?
and WERENT YOU THE FUCKING ONE WHO TOLD ME NOT TO JUDGE?
well if it makes you any more ego than you already are,
i DID MISS YOU. AND HELL DO I, RIGHT NOW.
but if not because i have pple (OTHER THAN YOU) who can make me  happy (not HAPPIER),
i think id be dead.
i dont have to spell each one out.
but you should knw me best-
i wouldnt render myself helpless in fronta you. of all pple.
josh.
if its me who's over-reacting,
that OPS, my bad.
but if its you pretending and putting up a facade,
then i wouldnt be too proud that im like this.
ergh.

im ranting.
OK RANDOM PPLE- GET OFF MY BLOG. THIS IS PRIVATEEEEEE/
hur. like you'd care.

joshjoshjosh.
i soooooo want to stand up to you. for myself.
to stare you in the face and just yell out to you.
just TELL you this is NOT what im like.
that men n girls ard me is NOT who i am.
im NOT that girl at mambo d-dancing with all the guys i cant even rembr.
im NOT that drunkard puking and FAGGING in the club.
in fact, IM NOT A FAGGER.
if not for the times i tried to drown you out of my head with cigarrettes,
I WOULDNT have a relapse of smoking.
JOSH- THIS IS NOT ME. 
im not the one who ironed YOUR clothes- i ironed OUR clothes, 
cleaned OUR house,
washed OUR dishes,
ate OUR homecooked food,
made OUR notes for lecture.
its was never a 'YOUR's alone. YOU put the "Y" in "ourS" and made it YOURS alone.
i didnt take care of you when you were first drunk.
WE BOTH DID.
you helped by staying sane (and funny with ur accent)
and I helped by tucking you in.
i didnt accompany you every day and night.
WE BOTH DID.
you did your part in my place
and i did mine. 
WE had each other.
"accompanying" involves two.
i couldnt have done anything without you.
so before you victimise yourself
and make everyone tink low of me,
i'd let you have the benefit of the doubt and ASSUME i was the 'bad one'.
josh.
it isnt worth both of us trying to avoid even eye contact/
and worse still.
giving WEIRD, pretending-i-didnt-notice-youre-noticing-me stares.
THIS ISNT US, josh.
we're both not like that. and i tink you knw that veryyyyyy well.
we're cheerful, laugh-at-racist-and-lame-jokes,
sing in the car at the mostttttt retarded girlband songs,
drive all the fuckway to dandenong for CHICKEN,
AND YOU GET MY POINT.
we're not supposed to 'act' that way.
in fact we're not even supposed to be acting.

so if you let me go,
at least dont let me down.
i missed and still miss you.
but i'd keep this as my lil' secret.
and you keep me yours.
): my heart is so disguised.

home away from home.

I MISS MELBOURNE.
well i miss my family and friends of cos,
but when i tink of how i freely fagged cos i didnt givaf*ck
or when i drove around the town for shit.
or even when i simply ran to the milkbar in my PJs
and ran back home to catch Oprah & simpsons,
i miss melb.

i miss the independence.
of leaving my hse and NOT having the obligation to tell the wholeeeeee hse that im leaving.
of sleepin on the couch while watching Neighbours
and HANGING OUT WITH DARLIN' PRASHAN.
now,
when i want to even STEP out to go to the minimart,
i have to 'bid farewell' to an army
-allllll my baby sisters, my stepmom, my dad (if he's ever home), both my maids, my granny (who tks cr of the babies) etc etc etc.
omgggggggggosh.
pls dont get me wrong. i love them allll the most.
but its just not my trend to do that.
i misssssssss clubbing with dilini
and guy-hunting w her and ansh.
i missssss kfc nights!!! (:
i missssss ice cream nights!! ((((:
and most of all,
i miss MY HOME.
(yes call me a hypocrite and rob me of my only pride)
but i love melbourne. i love clayton (welllll not that much hahah)
i love the SOCCEROOOOOOS!!! (: heh.
and i love my baby! (aaryanna the beetle. hahah)
why am i complainin when others cant even come home?
-no clue.
jst want to rant. im being a reallll bitch.
erghs. -pulls hair.

HAPPY DADDYS' DAY!!
to mah one n only pup.
with allllll my loveeeeeee. mwahhh* (thanks for the beetle daddy)
hurhur.

i must add.
i miss mambo tho. (despite all the rantings abt melb)
and i met up with gerk for 5 hours ++ at al azhar.
JUST SITTING THERE in one position for 5 hrs can kill.
but i had soooooooo much fun!
omgosh. i love him la!!! (:
meet you soooooon gerk.
yes yes and in case you dont alr knw...
gerk and i have a pact:::
-if by 27 we're both not attached or married (for that matter),
we'll get married! hahaha.
(: and BTW its still on after like 4 yrs +++++++++ of frenship.
heh. watch out gerk! (im STILL goddamn single! wahhaha)

*sniggers. i love that silly ol' boy! (:

stayin at signature park today - sa's house.
wahhhhraooo.
so dirty.
bet spiders cohabit w her.
ohhhyesh.
i have a packed week ahead!
-meeting meg for breakkie tmr.
-meeting marilyn my mei at marina. ((((((((:
-going mambo and some fashion shit.
-getting a TATTOO done w gerk (watching my ass) haha.
-TANNING AT SENTOSA
(im fuck fair now la. wahhhlao)

ohh yes.
and i need to dig a hole and hide my face ok.
i gained MORE weight than i did before.
and just as i tot i lost it all.
fuckwit.
i hate fats. mayb i shld turn anorexic.
but then again...... NAHHHHH spore food is besttttt (:

tiffie:::
if ure reading this, im sorry i havent called you in AGES.
spore cards are notttttttttttttt economically trusty. hahaha
i miss you lots.
and I STILL LOVE YOU dearrrrrrr. (:
mwahhhhs* and i talked to tam alr btw.
hahahaha dont worry. she's trying. tagg me if anything ya?
loveeeeeeeeeee! (:

to belly:::
misssssssss u!

dying inside to hold you.

and you thought girls couldnt drink. heh (:
me and belly. theres nothing like PHUTURE and MAMBOOOOOOO night. (:
HEY we were intoxicated OK.
ops* my bad. i SWEAR i quit. *smirk* (nice hairdo?)
dont mind the fats. we were REALLY drunk.













YDAY: MAMBO NIGHT @ zouk with belly. with frequent flyovers to phuture cos belly insisted the muusik was better. well it was, cos its RnB. but upon getting super wasted, (thus puking 'glamly'in fronta the wholeeeeee crowd, i was hesitant on making an entrance anywhere anymore.
(pple alwaysssss rembr the drunkard-girl-who-puked-her-guts-out-ever-so-glamly)
anywayyyy
it was purrrrrrrrrfecto!
sooo funny.
we drank sooo much with a good financially strategic plann.
HAHa.
but it ended off a lil unexpected, with belly's fren getting wayyy too plastered.
and wayyy too depressed.
and one thing i learnt about comforting a sad/drunk/quirk person-
DONt get emotionally involved along with him/her.
its gonna screw up more.
and you're gonna have to end up comforting yourself instead.
and if its one thing i'd ever rembr frm yday's clubbing..
NEVER DRINK SHOTS/SHOOTERS AND BEEERRRR TOG
and DONT smoke with it.
its gonna fuck up your lungs first of all,
andddd your liver (rembr... liver cirrhosis?)
and its gonna fuck your grey matter up (rembr... not the WHITE matter.hahah)

(:
but overall i didnt regret going. (i usually do cos i meet stoopid jerks there)
but OHHHH YES.
i met YOU YOU YOU YOU YOU YOU fuck you j.
yes i REALISED how i dont own the club *drunk australian accent*
and anyone can be there incl you.
but id tk it upon myself that its just my FOWL FOWL FOWL luck
to have met you there.
cos its soooo fucking huge. (not half as big as melb's clubs tho...)
and i haveeeeeeeeeeee to haveeeeeeeeee to be puking in front of you.
of ALL PEOPLE.
j, i was having a lot of fun till i met you.
you dont realise it at all,
but i was reallyyyyyyyyy dying inside to hold you.
(:

im glad to see how good you've been.
and how good you look.
im not shocked that you didnt even wave or say a lil hi.
i can take that.
cos im not supposed to love you anymore.
why i made myself this way is not on my part.
i didnt think you'd mind someone loving you the way i do.
):

tiffie. im depressed.
pls bring me home to melb.

i love you too gerkie werkie.

(:
met up with gerkkkkkkk (gerarddddd my love) at al azhar last nite
chatted nonstop and drank 6 drinks of tehpeng and milo till like 12 am ++++
hahaha had the best time!
(: yes
and ilu too gerk.
mwahhhs* hope that retard in camp doesnt bother you mcuh!
(: hahah i'll def def DEF be there for ur gig. (: loveee!

tmr'll be meeting my cuzzie wuzziessss. all of them!
yay.
and wed is suntec shoppin w meggie darlinks.
(:
thurs is meeting gerk again! i cannot cannot CANNOT wait.
wahhahaha.
and as for today,
gonna repair my fuckd up lappietop.
cos the buttons suck, the usb sucks.
and its screwig itself (non literal terms)
hahah.

to tiffie::: (if u read this amidst ur exams)
i miss you dearest!!!
sorry i cant call u. but i will try soon alritey?
iloveeeeeeyou so much. tk cr and hav fun with you-know-who.

you gave me a reason for standing s.t.i.l.l.

you wouldnt think that coming home to spore
would be less of an excitement than staying home in melb.
.....
and i tot,
if not for my sisterssssssss, nana, meggie, mei, my churchies, lionel, qirong,sajon, and all others i really miss,
i wouldnt even be home right now.
i would be in melb with dilini, ansh, and all the others like alex and zimbo!
i would be cleaning up my hse,
doing pretty much nth.
oh watching opera maybe.
and SIMPSONS.
and collecting my car to drive ard the town.
i would be studying (hurhur)
i .... it WOULD HAVE been perfect.

but there'll always be meg and all those i NEED to see.
need overrides want.
and i knw i need to be here.
so here i am, ranting on random things,
listening to cheena songs,
feeling like f*ck.
had a late night. nw im shit tired.
and still have church later. sighhh
havent met anthony yet.
or qr.
or cyril.
OR MY COUSINS i loveeeeeeee so much.
gosh.

if any one of you tink that ive gained an exceptional amt of weight-
let me rectify
that ive quit faggin.
so this massive weight gain is called 'withdrawal symptoms' OKAY.
hahahahahahah -smirks-

wala wala's atmosphere has died dw.
not like how i rembrd it.
i havent been to newton yet
sigh*****double sigh********************
what the f*ck is wrong with me.
im so moody-
PM-f*cking-S.
erghhh i need a fag.
NOW.

seriously, who knew.

who would expect tht my being in medicine wld affect relationships amongst the family.
with NO intention to splurge victory or a dumb f*cking course (mbbs that is)
i hope ad doesnt get so touchy with daddy's unintentional insults strewn across the room. ):

went to West Mall today.
YES west-f*cking-mall.
to get my long awaited Converse shoes.
andddddddd i ate....
the gula melaka candy thingy.
and EGG TARTS from Bengawan solo (sp??)
and alot of peranakan dishes and stuff from there.
YAY (:
ohhh and daddy got ad a small choc fudge cake for today's birthday dinner
at... The Legend.
How cooL is that. a nice nice nice non-hawker dinner (dont be alarmed. im actually alr sick of it.)
hahaha.

anywayyyy,
I LOVE THE GREAT SPORE SALE MAN.
hahahhahaha. yipeeeee *dances around*
drove in dajie's tuscani today.
omggggg sucha perfect sportscar i tell u! (:
lets not compare the SLK 350.
or the Boxster
or the jag. lets stick to the bare necessities.
(: THAT LOVELY tuscani
-winks-.
who needs your fucked up car anyway?

i have tooo many pple to meet,
sighhhhhhh,
andddddd churchies too.
oh oh oh!
i have GOT to,GOT to see my nana now.
crappppppp. cant finish my blogging regime now.
darnit! be back in a min.
and btw,
to be the usual spoiler (tht i always am)
amidst all u partygoers.
and non-book-orientated pple,
OUR RESULTS ARE OUT ON 14th (or 15th i cant rembr) of July.
and its on MUSO.
yeaaaay. i actually did some studying.
its called GUILT. hahah you wldnt tink someone lk maself iseven capable of BRINGING her books all the way to spore on a holiday, right?
well.
bad luck. thinkagain. (:

----------jokes---------------
wats the difference between men and ET???
-ET phoned home,

what two words do men absolute hate to hear on their dates?
-"stop" and "dont" (unless used TOGETHER)
hahahhaa

happy birthday to my daddy's better half (:

happy birthday AD!
wahhhhh 30+ already eh? (((((((((:
keep the babies coming yeahhhh?
+winks+

i think its decent to ask for a little change.
and then i realise.
no f- way.
you?
you'll never change.

today going wala wala to meet meg.
got ad's bdayto celebrate (i hope)
omg its soooo funny.
dad NV gets pple presents cos he's bz.
and now he's panicking. considering ad's got his credit card.
hurhur
okkkkkk
gotta run!!!

-dashes. to shop!
singapore is fun.
im getting another lappie.
i love my daddy
mydaddy loves his lil girl (; mwahh pup!

IM FUCKING HOME.

WOOHOO.
yday was so gooooood.
got home to LOVE LOVE LOVE.
(: met megg for breakfast at Holland v today.
and i CUT MY HAIR.
I LOVE THAT HON-G guy. my hairdressor.
so f*cking hot. hhahahah okok enuf.

gg back soon to COLOR my hair.
IM CHANGING j.
watch this bitch go down with style. hurhur.
ohh yes. met josh GOR (not YOU fat arse), william, tychicussss (HAPPY 22TH BDAY DOOD!), sarah n her 'lover boy' Keith. (yet another hot fuck. erghhh)
andddddd florence. and... ALOT LAH. dont ask.
the point is...
i shopped a lotttttt. esp for 'beautifying' products
like the hair iron thingy. "waking up look" hair gel (haha i loved that name! so catchy!)
and OHHH i got a CK ring from ad. THANKS LOTS ADDDDD! (:
bought so much shit fuck.
hahahhaha and my BABIES are the CUTEST things ard!!!
brot them shopping.
they were soooo cute.!!! they were too shy to ask (their OWN SISTER) when they want smth.
so i got them practically everything.
omg i have to stop spoiling those cuties!!! (:
ohhh and i got new specs too! ahhahahahah nv ranted so long.
yesyes.
andddd tmr is yet another great spore sale thingy. (: yay yay yay
.

is it me or is dilini and ansh just so far away.
and tiffie my dearest too.
i miss you so much.
im not used to not takling to u guys.
ilu* cos i want you.

OMG.thank god i cant rembr your blog add.
cos one word's for you. -fuckwit- (YES THATS ONE WORD BTW. haha)
i cant stand you two!
gosh* even the most oblivious person in the werld wld have a conscience (well, that just degrades you, doesnt it?)
to be respectful. or at least, NICE enough to knw there was a 'him- and - someone- else- other- than- myself-fucked'. go figure.
and by then, stop fucking ard with a fucker.
(dont you alr knw that, smart arse?)
i loveeeee spore.
but i wanna go back melb.
i miss life.
i miss LIVING a life other than the one i HAVE to live.
i wanna drive. i cant do that here. no fucking car.
i need an mp3.
ok ok i knw. im random.
but dont ask WHY im like this. so randomly ranty today. haha

ohh i had char kway teow at HOUGANG. yes thats fuck far for a plate of noodles.
anddddd went to see my doc! (: one nice face, comin' up!
i miss you my melbournian frens.
-esp Dil, ansh, ALEX!!, JONATHON!!, EDDIE. (thanks fer ur msg ed)
(: with all my love. and misses.
you knw you got me right where you want me/
(: mwahhhs

just a few more hours of suffering.

that'll be an overstatement. -my bad-
few more hrs and ive got the written paper.
the killer one. ): heh.

after that..... im FREEEEEEEE (till august)
and then im fucked again.
read some cooL facts/lingo-y stuff. enjoy (:
(the 10 commandments one was self- thought. heh)

Ever wondered why men's pick up line is always
"Wanna have a coffee some time?"
well, cos' caffeine (proven) makes females more vulnerable to "pleasure"
and would therefore more likely say yes to a lil' fun after that.
did you knw that? (:

Ever wondered why the ten commandments in the bible states
"Thou shall not covet thy neighbour's wife?"
and not "partner".
well, cos' ONLY MEN wld probably cheat on their wives and not vice versa.
and for crying out loud,
I SHOULD KNW BETTER. (: heh.
(im nt sexist okkk!)
-------------------------------------------------
done with the shit lame stuff,
im down to studying til i GET TO THE EXAM.
roar!!~
ohhhyeahs.
prashan came over last night at like 12am
and we ate ice cream again!! (:
and he helped me w a lil bio stuff.
YAY thankyewww mr. prashhhhhie.
(:

see! im nt a loner k. plus, im suddenly sooo sad to leave.
gosh*
clearly a conflict of missings here!! roar.

lionel::: thanks doood. u take care. and gdluck for ur accts stuffie.
imu too! (: mwahh*

so kiss me and smile for me
tell me that you'll wait for me
ohhh baby,
i have to go.

cos' im leaving on a jetplane
dont know when i'll be back again.
ohhhh babe,
i have to go.

my bags are packed
im ready to go
im standing here outside your door.

*obviously in deep, unrealistic thots of coming back to you.

osce review- another self-evaluation shit.

): ok fine.
so im nt the best person to find when a CPR is needed.
but its nt my fault the bloody dummy was sooo plastic-y
and the old lady examining me was like
"spread ur lips wider! open it! bigger ! bigger !"
and in my head, were constant "shut the fuck up"s.

how dismissive to have someone mk u do 6 mins of resusitation
and STILL fail you.
and worse of all?
she vocalises my failure.
THANKS ALOT OLDIE.
):hmpfff. dont ask me for help if YOU need help w cpr!
(not like u'd ever ask.)
but ure missing the point!!!
erghhh -stomps off-

went to the lib to get some work done.
-NONE AT ALL.
so i realised i'll be wasting time.
soooo i headed home. (yes first time i reach home before dark)
andddd ended up here, blogging.

some new good songs to hear!!
-Whats left of me : nick Lachey
-Stars are blind: PARIS HILTON (she sounds like gwen stefani i swearrr)
-One Crowded hour: Augie March
and one other song i can NEVER find. sounds like matchbox 20 (or rob thomas)
erghhhs. k.

tmr is finally the written paper.
and thurs- is home for me! (:
i cant wait to eat- normal food. and i mean- GOOD normal food.
ohh yes talking bout food, i just watched oprah's healthy eating habits
(hence to further prove my point that im NOT in the mood to study. haha)
a cardiosurgeon suggests eating (or in SOME random way, including these stuf in our diets)...
-nuts (NOT roasted)
-tomato sause (10 tablespoons a week)
-olive oil
-PARMEGRANITE (sp?)
-garlic
etc. and store olive oil in dark places w/out heat. (eg fridge)
OHH
and using olive oil is BAD for cooking.
unless used as a dressing.
getttttttt it? yeshhhhh.
so tadaaa! *applause*
its time to modify my alr-pathetic diet.
and for now- seriously- i need to study
anddddd i need a dermatologist.
sigh! the result of being a nerd.
): -pouts-

*but you can have whats left of me.
tell me its not all in my head-.

send someone to love me.
*why is the only thing i see, your back?*
(turn ard so i knw you knw im watching over you.)
----
had a sudden missing. for Christopher pound.
*shocked-.
stunned to knw him?
i'd say- stunned NOT to know him anymore.
anywhere.
imu* for you.
im pleased to knw you're doing well. still.

eeeeeeeek~!!

GO AND S*CK C*CK YOU SICK FREAK.
or freakS (notice: plural)
ewwwwwwww.
(:

NO F*CKING COMMENTS.
I JUST HATE (absolutely DETEST) you.
gross.
mokshaji!! helppppppp. de-stress (not distress) me.
heh. i... imu**

with so much things to look forward to in spore,
now im feeling a distant, unrecognisable tinge
of missin'.
why.
cos we started off right? well. maybe.
but cos' you've made me not miss the other 'him'.
and made me feel otherwise.
why some ppl hurt others (like myself) is unknown and incomprehensible.
but to me,
you're niceness to me is simply pure.
(: no motives (unlike OTHERS)
and no strings attached.
thankyou for being here. all the time.
all the way.

s-i-n-g-l-e. PRASH.

hahah prash is the cutest thing alive.
for being so 'innocent' and thinking that every cheerleading, dancing-till-insanity, squash-loving, etc etc girl is attached.
and happy.
btw prash. im single. hahha
(but that doesnt equate available. well... maybb....)
and single doesnt equate happiness/freedom/carefree shit (that sore ex-lovers use as a facade).
i realllly doubt you'd ever accept this fact.
cos YOU'RE NOT LISTENING TO WHAT IM SAYING prash.
no one. period. nobody. no 'your boy' shit. nothing. get it dude?
(: youre funny. sigh.

heh.
studied PRODUCTIVELY today.
YAY. osce tmr. cant be fucked.
hope CPR doesnt kill the plastic person (i forgot the mani- word)
hehe.
andd written exam is on wed! wheeee
then PWE then HOMEWARD BOUND.
i hope nth fucks up last minute.
OH YEA. and my flight.
i'll really go mad if we end up on the same fucking flight.
pat is alrite.
NOT you.
PLS GOD. ):
be mean all times. but NOT on the SQ flight.
): sighs.
now im really gonna get piss-drunk at pwe. sigh.

good luck meddies + monash-ers for the coming exams.
study smart.
and stress not.
love u to bits!
tk crrrrrrr world.
-dashes to sleep-

just a lil bit of thought.

yday at the lib,
i met this cambodian med student who studied 10 yrs in spore.
(i forgot his name. dammit!)
ANYWAY
he approached me with this-
"im emotionally distracted. can italk to you?"
so nice me (coughcough) entertained my first friend of that day (yes i was ALONE d entire day).
and we chatted for an hour ++++++! -gosh.
so much for studyin. hurhur.
anyhowwwwwww,...
we talked about alot of stuff. and he started bringing up the paradigm shift in society (cough cough again).
and he was soooo intellectual, it scared me. nono thats nt the pt!
he told me abt his ONE girl in his entire life for almost 10 yrs now.
and he asked abt MINE (not a girl of cos, u idert)
and his philosophies of life were a-a-amazinggggg.
seriously.
anyone troubled, or depressed (or need psychiatric help)
PLS TALK TO HIM.
he's the reason im in such profound thot now.
and oso the reason im sooo getting over all the things that happened.
-cos these things are only skin-deep.
and there are ppl are ard with much more probs than myself and comparatively,
mine are only lowww lowwwwww bickers.
-lower than plankton i might say! (: heh.

well today is YET another day im rushing off to the lib.
yes CALL ME NERD whatever!~ -bimbo pose-
i need to finish theme 3 then i can start on all my other 3 themes.
im fucked. I REALISE that!! ):
ohhhhhhh i jst saw this shit nice camera in chaddy. walked past it.
GOSH*
i literaly felt it calling my name.
that nice nice skinny (unlike mE), reddish/blackish, HOT HOT cam.
-innocent eyes-.
nvm.
*meditates* i must want what i have. not have what i want.
ROAR! but its calling my name, i swear! ):

-untitled-

ohhhh went chaddy yday to shop
dint get what i initially wanted.
but fuck that anyway.
had fun.
thanks ansh and dilini! (: my dearrrrrs.

ohhh
i got to the point of self-evaluation.
and realise what a bitch ive been to rus.
):
well..
not technically a bitch.
but stil one. (go figure)
and im openly taking the blame for everything that didnt go right.
last yr, (i knw... reminiscing is bad)
-i shldnt have met kobe so much
-i shldnt have made frens with literally, the whole taylors
-i shld have been there for all your sport matches.( hey i was there 99% of the time ok!)
-i shld have. i shldnt have. etc.
yupp.
so im sorry. -innocent eyes-
ohhh right! and i shldnt have used those eyes on you.
whoooopsie.

why i suddenly talked bout that, you ask?
well. lets put it this way- dreams of self-actualisation.
its not helping.

to tiffie my love:::
dearieeeeee. it really hurts to see some1 as gorgeous as yourself,
be torn down to the bare.
let tam be.
its just a phase she's gg thru. and well,
as her family (even myself),
we can only support her despite what she does
and not try to change her.
rembR? you'll always have me for life (: mwahhhs ilu!*
and to cheer you up,
i got you tops!!! (: heh. not too nice lah but now we BOTH have the same top "sugar".
(: mwahhhs*

me n tiffie officially have our own forte-
tactlessness.
heh. its hard to explain.
we're BOTH the same. identical. photocopied (you get my point)
hah. and my personal forte is... crying!
(tiffie YOU acknowledged this ok)
heh. everyone does that. but only few (shamingly, like myself)
have style.
hahahaaaaaaaaaaaa. (: =winks=

okok. i better get my arse to sch lib! SEE! im gg to a lib on a freaking sunday
(so much for the sabbath day of rest)
heh.
i cant cant cant wait for wed to be over.
thenn... thursday- let me go home.
NOW im hooked onto Michael buble's Home.
ONCE AGAIN. roar~!
to all sporeans: i wont be gg to the ski trip.
im sorry but ive got valid personal reasons.
im glad theres josh to be as excited and 'grateful' bout this (to jeff)
and i hope you guys have fun! sorrry once again.
(btw j, I AM GRATEFUL. but that doesnt change my reasons nt to go.)
it wld be a blast!, wldnt it?

im feeeling much better compared to before.
buttttttttttttttt my face has a massive breakout.
i look like the moon. and my body exploded that day.
thanks to fastfood and 2minute noodles.
now im a potatoish moon. sighhhh*
now i dont feel like gg home. POUT!

-dashes off to lib

but you can have. whats left of me

i love mokshaji!
for those who dont know that nick,
GO FIGURE.

today was alrite. i love MUCAPS pract.
so cooL (: (cheap thrills yeah?)
ohhhhh.
today me n anshini decided to have a study buddy thingy
between the two of us only.
(: heh.
soooo monday 10am right babe?? (: -hugs-

today morning was soooooo foggy!
i even took pics of it on my fone!
too bad i cant upload it now.
(but i pinky promise i will soon alrighteyyy?)
(:
ohhhh andddd to all other meddies:
I GOT SURGICAL ANATOMY for my elective! (:
:)))))))))))) i cant stop smiling.
ONE Fucking thing that actually went right this year.
): *shows how BAD this yr has been*

ohhh.
our pcl tutor hypnotised one of my mates tamara today.
so cool.
talked privately to tutor ric.
and told him.
help me forget.
nw he knws me inside out and im on my way to using mind-body mechanisms to forget.
*poof!
OUT YOU GO.

studied in hargrave and fuck those couples surrounding me
theyre literally EVERYWHERE.
ewwwwwww get a room and get a life!
me n anshini both strongly feel that everyone else in the world shld be S-I-N-G-L-E
(except US of cos, eh ansh?)
HAHA. we're sores. cant help it.

ohhh my mokshaji dearest is coming over soooon.
for some ice cream.
he's the funniest thing alive i tell you!!
quote: using our assignment medias as trade.
wahahhaha. we're pathetic, arent we?
well... at least we're having ICE CREAM + MOVIE tonight!
(: wheeeeeeeeee. -skips ard-
iluuuuuuu * (and that CD ure gonna be bringing along)
heh.yay. assignment 1 out of the way!
nw dwn to theme fucking three.
):

i look like shit.
im fat. and brown.
like a potato.
my face is disgusting. and brown. and round.
like the moon.
roar! ):

ohhhhhh i tell u!
life sucks.
some ppl always hav a way of stuffing things up for you
when you LEAST need it.
gosh*
those *tooooot*.
i tell youuuu,
ONE DAY, i'll kick ur arse.
literally.

yay! 4 days to osce, 5 days to exam, 6 days to spore!
(: prashannnnnnnn~ jealous?
(: -sticks out tongue-
ohhh damn. gotta run!
gotta get ice creammmm for tonite!
yikes! ciao peeps.
and catch me while im alive! (: hah.

-random tots of you.
....
ew-

a pale, friday morning. -all by myself once more-

yessssss.
im bloggin again. in the freak of the mornin'.
HEY
(loneliness kicks in after a while of realising that i never wanted to be this way.)

the CHIJ alumni president in spore is stepping dw.
May C. hope all goes well for you!
(as much as im in melb n ure prolly thinking how i engage in the alumni,)
well,
internet! (:

i miss IJ so much. i bet all ex-ij-ians will share my sentiments on this one.
and despite everything that happens ard us once we leave,
there's always (and always WILL have)
a resonating nostalgia of IJ.
that old looking buildings, yet still so rich in culture.
that usual masses we'd have, and the Peace be with You part (the spirit is strong!)
and the times we bitched bout literally everyoneeeeeee in the toilets.
and it formed my main 'secret society' of gossips.
(heh)
i miss LIFE in IJ.
so pure. BOYS didnt matter cos we had each other.
right megg, linn?
we had the BEST uniform (uh huhhh)
and the most gorgeous looking girls. (:
we had .. well... the most bungs too.
(but thats a plus point for many)
and our teachers (most ex-ijians as well) were wonderful.
(even the annoying bitches up our arse for our low belts)

i miss IJ. and all my lovelyyyyyy friends from there.
if i had a daughter, she'd DEFINITELY go to IJ.
no doubt.
(anddddd)
i'll ensure she meets NO AC bOYs.
(well....)
mayb one or two. but NO DATING THEM.
but then again... i guess that's what makes IJ girls I-J-girls.
(not that theyre flirty or whatsoever you're conjuring up)
but more like,
we're LOVED inside out! (: heh. -excuses-

---------------
im glad youre happy.
and i hope you're trulyyyy blessed, as much as you look.
and i know how much you're enjoyin yourself.
cos' im not there
to be the one to nag at you
or call you every sec to mk sure u got ur dinner
to wash up after you
and make sure you got theme 2 notes.
im not there at all.
to even be the one you'd hold in lectures
or sleep on during aroni's lects.
i wont even be there when you need a person,
just a simple person,
to say things are gonna be alright.
or we'll pull thru this tog.
i cant be there cos you told me so.
and you'll never want to go back to those times.
but you knw i'll be there.
cos' you've got the whole of me. always and ever will be.
i'll be home before you knw it,
and i'm going home to someone else.
everyone other than you.
anyone other than you.
but i knw that theres no one other than you,
who can steal my heart away the way you do.

studying is my forte now. -blame me-

wahaha.
you wldnt believe
that someone as stubborn as I,
have brought myself to study 5 and a half hrs today.
in the hargrave andrews lib.
YES.
2-8.30pm.
WOW. oh fuck
thats SIX and a half hrs.
arhhhh. same diffference.
thot NOT much done, at least i tried!
nw i can have a guilt-free night! wheee.
-continuation of my much-forced regime tmr!-

today i looked thru week 1 notes.
and i came across our first "note-taking gossip".
haha. *and i pray you still rembr*

you: research on sickle cell anaemia. (:
me: sms riaz. *cancelled out*
you: i hope my CD helps you in year 1 at least, even tho your 'dear' riaz said otherwise.
me: .... -stones out-

this, btw, is all on PAPER.
so you can imagine hw hard im tryin to emphasize the nonverbal emotions.
):
i hate the first 5 weeks of notes.
they practically have us written alllll over it.
*POUT*

ahahaha.
jem is sooooo right about the sporeans!! *winks-.
how you guys are soooooo altruistic and sharing notes and stuff.
(bsides the bloody point that I CANT retrieve any notes. pouts!)
but thanks y'all.
sooooooooo sweet la. (:
sorry i cant send you guys anything either.
cos YOU GUYS WONT BE ABLE TO OPEN THE FILE too!
): see la. thanks to my technologically-unfriendly 'skills'.
lols.

erghhh.
i've had so fun much in prac today!
serological tests! yipee. one thing i like since...
yesterdayyy??
hahahhaa -BIG LAUGHTER-
ohhhhyes.
andddd a beeeeeg warm hug of love and gratitude to Jonathan Zimbo & Alex (jewish one!)
for acc me this wholeeee week.
thus, making me the most loved one!
with you guys,
im sooooooooooo .... (whats that word...)
UN-alone.
(: heh. realllyyyyyyy.
and for everything you guys are to me,
im ever soooo thankful.
(: for being there. esp alex my sweetheart.
my heart's out to you! (:

ohhhh moving on never felt so painless.
): but i still need homeeeee.
*prays*

you always find a way to keep me right here waiting.
-and im falling all over again.

kerf says i blog so frequently.
i beg to differ!
as much as i SEEM to blog,
its just that i have 1. no life
2. no friends (HAH)
3. no outlet to rant
4. go figure.

i tink as much as i wanna go home,
i wanna go thailand to visit LINNIE my one n only (and see ard too lah)
andddd perth (to see my darlin' tiffie wiffie)
-hands on hips-
this bloody weather is getting up my nerves!
it was bloody 4 degrees the previous day,
8 degrees yday.
and 11 degrees today.
andddd tmr.. what!?!?!?
prolly hit subzero. and i wouldnt be amazed
-wideeeee eyes-

ohhh i wanna go for lazer!!
for my eyes (thats one)
but for my face too!
then can look like anita sarawak! (that was sarcasm well meant)
): erghhh hate the weather once more!
gonna slppppp now.
(like u'd care)
soooo fuckthat.
im going,
going,
....
*gone*