remember us.

met meg for breakkie at KAP!
(: yay. our usual big breakfast at macs! (:
and thennnn watched a lot of spore idol auditions on youtube.com.
wahhhlao!
that drama boy and the nong nong ago guy were superrrly funnyy!
(: heh.
ohhh then went to coffee bean at west-fuck-mall to meet Gerard, Joshua, Elmo and Sarah.
wahhahahah it was basically my monday's plan.
just chilling there from lunchtime till.... 9 pm.
heh.
then headed to the nearby kopitiam for Mee Pok dinner w gerk n elmo n sarah.
(: a simple, yet very fulfilled day for me.
and now... i miss them all alr! ):

as for tonite,
i'll be at signature park once more.
-skips ard-.
acc sarah jie again.
and tmr im planless (its a choice btw).
ONE day in the week for relaxation and basically doing NOTHING.
haha.
ohhh yes. wed- MIGHT meet el and pat IF they do decide to go mambooo! (:
whhhheeeeeeeeee -dances ard-.
ohhh meetin my meimei toooo. i cannot cannot cannot wait!
hope belly is well enuf by then. sigh*
I CANT IMAGINE A MAMBO WITHOUT HER!
):
----------------------------- reminisce-------------------------------------
i've thot of ways and means to get to you.
and now im tired of trying.
no wait- i never stop trying.
maybe i'd do it my way-
in the deep deep recesses of my own werld,
i'll keep you there.
just the two of us. *we can make it if we try*
i had a think about B. today.
i talked to cyril for a sec today at westmall
and realised,
all im doing for B. is for formality's sake.
put HIM and josh on a lifeline-
and despite all i had with B.,
i wldnt even tk 2 secs to decide that its not gonna be B. who i'll run to.
no...
no.

its not the fact that B. did wrong things unto me,
or that he never really was there at all to begin with.
its my head that KNOWS B. would never be replaced,
and that B. will only fulfil my werld in every aspect-
but my heart is beating for someone other than B.
someone who barely knew me,
yet made me the happiest person in med. in monash. in melb.
in this life.
and in the next,
i tink i'd be ashamed if i didnt acknowledge just how much he meant to me.
it was worth the tears
cos tho i lost,
and i have nothing left to be proud of,
but i loved- and i lived with you in my prayers.
in my mind. in my days.

i may not have anyone to convince me that its worth the wait.
and i knw just how much you've done wrong agst me.
but im more than willing to put it all behind.
bring me back to the day you begged me back.
let me relive a false memory- whatever you call it,
but dont take the only image i have of your love,
(and whats left).
you can take me for granted.
and let my youth go to waste in waiting,
but dont take my heart along with you-
to let me watch you fall in love with someone ELSE.
dont drag my spirit out on the streets
while you d-dance with the chics in the club.

tell pat or el that im not worth it.
tell them how SURE you are on NOT coming back to me.
tell the werld how i get thru each day in loss.
josh-
tell them wht you figure.
but tell me you're lying- that you're not all that heartless.
that you're using this new you to cover up for my loss.
that you wont leave me to watch myself do this.
that you dont love me like before, but STILL i'll try. and you'd let me.
that when you club n f*ck ard the town, you only think of me.
that when its dark and lonely, you'd want me to want you.
that when its late at night, you need only me.
that when its past your due, you miss only me.

i dont want to hear her name.
or how gentle she is.
i dont want to be 2nd to anyone.
not even her.
i dont want to have to live another life,
pretending i dont love you.
i dont want you to want anyone else.
its just me.
i dont want you to paint your love out.
unless its for me.

i sound so selfish.
and yet i trust my instincts more than anything else.
i lost.
i have nothing to show the werld.
and the werld has nothing to offer me.
but if its one thing i have,
is faith.
and thats gonna pull my arse thru this.

why did i get all emo again? you ask.
and how i managed to pretend so well for the past months that i could do without?
): i did.
i just didnt have the heart to bring myself down.
to let those in melb,especially, to watch me crumble.
i knw you guys are always there.
and ilu all. for all the support and love. (:
when dil n ansh read this, i knw you guys will flip and call me in spore to yell at me.
(dil will prolly fly over to choke me still)
but theres a storm in my mind and a war in my teeenie weeenie heart.
and i think i might just explode.
on an honest note,
im faggin much more than i expected i ever will.
in fact,
thats all i ever do.
i wil stop. just gimme time to live.
(: the gd ol' rach will be back one day. some day. soon.