updating you, or convincing myself.

a brief update about the past week.
went mambo night at like 7pm +++
@#$%^&*(_)*&^%%$#
to watch the modelling thingy
then to dance of cos!
william, bel, geraldine, mark, paul, shaun and all turned up.
and it was fucking packed la!!!
esp pHUTURE.

k so heres the fucked up part of my week
(and henceforth my nicotine addiction and vulgarities)
lets name the obvious "X". hurrr.

so the club was fuck packed.
and X decided in our best interests that he shld grab my hand to bucker off the crowd.
in every modesty, (may i add)
we ended up (in DE MOST mysterious way) holing hands in a more-than-fuck-frens kinda way.
not like how girlfrens hold hands while shopping (or thus pulling one another into Great spore sales)
nor like how i'd hold my daddy's hand (yes even till now).
it was WRONG (in other words)
and just when my subconscious mind hypnotises itself to believe its becos
the club is fucking crowded,
we left the club, and LO AND BEHOLD-
he still held out his hand to hold mine.
(lets skip the intimate emos running thru our balls and get to the point)

the very next fucking day,
sarah n i meet up with the usual gang at blk 163.
and who wldve guessed- MR hold-fucking-hands X is there.
and SARAH noticed the awkwardness we shared.
and to my disgrace,
am labelled cheap for what was not on my part to show unintention just bcos
the club is fucking crowded.
pls dont misplace my words and stuff it up my butt.
i reallyyyyyyy have no reason to deny anything or whatsoever.
its just fucked.

YOURE ENGAGED for crying out loud.
no one owes you anything.
and dont blame me for what you couldnt mk yourself happy with.
it was also YOUR decision to leave him.
and YOUR decision to fuck up your relationships.
with anyone. even me.
first it was Mr fucking X.
then you bring in Mr R. Williams.
OHHHH PLEASE FUCKING spare me.
he is my bestboyfriend. (if YOU GET WHAT I MEAN)
and nothing else.
we meet almost daily cos its pple like HIM who realises that i wont be ard for long.
so fuck it where it hurts you most.
and dont judge me.
you dont KNW whats going on in MY life right now.
and if u knew,
you prolly wldnt even understand.
we're not perfect. neither are MEN.
so if someone didnt make you half as happy as you claim you shld be,
then im sorry.
BAD LUCK.

ergh.
sorry just had to rant it all out in fronta this fucked up monitor.
i'll update pics from this mambo realll soon.
i cant wait actually.
its so fucking fun lah!!
(: ohhh yes
and what made it all the better-(thanks to you guys)
i had pple to defend my overwhelming emos regarding you.
so stare at me like you dont givafuck,
tell the werld how much you dont need/want/love me. (circle the appropriate options)
go MAMBO and dance with the werld just to prove i-dont-knw-what-your-fuckin-point-is POINT. hurrrrr..
j.
i couldve walked away. i couldve been the best girl you HAD.
but you just didnt try. *didnt-keyword here.
MY bad that you didnt get the best of me.
but you can have the rest of me. ):

rembr OUR song?
fmark played it in his stereo one day.
and i reminisced so badlyyyyyy.
let me just sing it out once more for you please.

here i go
scream my lungs out
to try and get to you

you are my only one

i let go,
but theres no one that gets me like you do.

you are my only.
my ONLY fuckingggggggggg ONE.