whoaaaaa.

last night was one to rembr.
instead of participating in the mumus festivities,
me, pat, joshua, alfred, ken, peizhen etcetc decided to crash at my place,
with lotsssssssa booze.
YES.
booze yet again.
even the non-alcoholic elliot is hooked onto tooheys.
wahahhahaha (:

alfred and all played games and chatted
and he got so f*ckin high/drunk/retarded that he couldnt think right.
he even contemplated the weirdest events i shant continue.
but he digged us so much
we had the most fun last night.
ohhh and he PUKED on my couch and carpet.
etcetc.
hahahah
josh stayed over.
elliot n pat were takin care of alfred downstairs.
and I fell asleep. unwillingly of cos.
heh/ opssssss.
but overall it was great.
i kinda felt sad cos all we cheap drunks had so much worries,
so much probs to share,
we jst never found the right ppl to share it with.
and yday,
we totally OPENED up.
like literally blurted our thots.
and our IMPRESSIONS.
which was a-okay-weird.
goooooo figure.
i guess we all had our f*cked up days,
we just put on a facade and made the werld ard us happy instead.
yet we ourselves were dying inside.
):
i couldnt bring myself to say our my entireeeee emos,
but i guess my face gave it away.

i wish i knew how to handle sad drunks.
to say what they need to hear.
and let them be loved (:

one happy update is joshuaaaaaa (:
he's the sweetest thing ever.
and yes,
he's a med student.
he listens so intently to me,
it kinda gets me excited and i dont stop talking.
(:
and he never judged me.
and its funny cos he knows everything bout me now.
and he walks me home frm uni like for 30 mins everyday
without complaint.
and he's so f*cking funny la.
he talks alot of crap when he's asleep.
and he says the best things at the best time.
weird situation to be in,
but its all good.

STILL.
i wish i was home in sg.
nothing can compare to the loveeee of one's family n frens.
and i miss meg, churchies and ij-ians.
):
the med undergrads are sooo close that we're meeting EVERY sec.
if we need to do smth else,
we'll get it done, and meet the NEXT MIN.
hahahah thats how inseparable we are.
sometimes i dont miss home that much.
but sometimes i wanna run home.
but one thing's for sure,
the med ppl have made uni startup sucha willing event.

de best clubbing of summer.

last night was vaavaaavoooom!
(:
elliot, joshua, ken & i
went to prahan, Station hotel, for a mini M.U.M.U.S. gathering.
(btw, mumus= Monash Uni Medical Undergrads Society)
WE HAD THE BEST TIME OF OUR LIVES!!
free entry for mumus pple,
free drinks till a certain time.
(but even when we had to pay, a mug of beer was $2!)
we literally danced the night away,
and i clearly discard my misconception of how med students CANT party hard.
OMGGGGGg.
they partied like animals.
we made literally a hundred frens.
(lemme try to rembr....)
-van, jed, kate, adam, ian, dorothy, thicska, vina, another elliot, louise, ETC ETC
-alotttttt of year 1s and 2s!
-mumus vice president n president.
-hottt bouncers & bartenders. (:
EVERYTHING IN PACK. (:yayyyyy.
and it was funny.
cos i drank soooo f*cking much
(espppp with joshua!)
and mixed so many drinks and shots and whatnots.
and both me n him ended up f*ckin high.
hahahahhahaha.
he didnt make it long enough to get home,
so he stayed over at mine.
wahaha,
he was the funniestttttt guy.
we talked so muchhhhhh and never quite got to sleep.
pouts*.
and he was sooo high
(thank god i wasnt)
that he talked all the nonsenseeeeee you can imagine!!
from getting a med tattoo (LOL. big LOL)
to guy& girl boxers,
from sleepwalking
to HAIR (go figure.)
from MEDICAL terms which really made me scared of med school.
to retarded racist jokes (that we BOTH knw).
from RUSSELL PETERS! (i like~!)
to self-entertaining mimicks & gossips.
and megg, you wont believe how much funny f*cks i got to tell ya!
heeeeeeeeeheeeeeee.
yes meg, its pay back time.
to those whores.

in addition to our high-gastrovinticitis-epidermic,
i woke at 7am (yes. SEVEN)
to cook him breakfast cos we both were hungry.
but his cuzzie's gf came to pick him up so early that he didnt get to eat anything.
pardon me,
im not pitying his empty stomach,
but my wasted efforts!
POUTPOUTPOUT.
): roarrrrrrrrrr.

oh well shit happens.
ohh and we both decided to skip O-week cos we couldnt be f*ckedddd.
really.
he had a hangover.
and had to drive his cousin to school.
and I,
had sucha bad stomachache,
that we both concluded that the only cure for such a tragedy
(no, it wasnt medicine)
is KFC.
(:

there goes my only form of escape frm cellulite.
and welcome fats!!
sigh.

despite the perfect party and an upcoming one (again) on thursday,
i wasnt that happy.
over the pure fact that you ruined it.
totally.
you blew my one chance of tryin to get thru to you.
you bumped me outta your league and made me the bad man.
you degraded me,
my blood.
you made me guilty to have attended COMPULSORY parties and UNI functions.
im sorry if its not in singapore's retarded mind to have drinkin sessions as an ice-breaker.
but it is such here.
and i cant change that.
you're nt here to see how i cry myself to sleep
cos of YOUR ineffectuality.
and you're blind, deaf and mad to have missed all the signs.
YES there were signs.
ohwaiittt, NOT EVEN SIGNS.
they were DIRECT words that came so immense,
that you chose to dismiss.
thanks baby love,
the reason i awake and now i wish i didnt,
the one who promised the world but did only so much.
thank you for the false hope.
the cheatings and lies.
the pain you inflict on OTHERS just being you,
just existing.
thank you.

medfest and friends (:

today is medfest @ monash.
got my mumus t-shirt & made alot of friends.
INCLUDING aussiemates.
so its sweaaat (:

ohh i forgot to specially thank pat yday
for walking al the way to my house to pick me up frm home
in her 'romantic' korean-drama way.
heh.
and for surprising me early in the morning.
you sweet thing!!
(:

thanks to ahkai, felix, mich hunnnn, michael,ah ho, and one other hongkie,
who came to my place in their bikes at 2am plus plus,
i couldnt sleep and kobe cutieepoops too.
(:
oh did i mention kobe cameover lateeeeeeee too?
yupp.he came to passme some red purse thingy frm china- his homeland.
(: it was b-e-a-yootifoool.
thanks dudeeeeee. and mind ur language. its a wonder u dint get into monash!
POUTS!**

sometimes i fear what couldve been
if i made a different choice,
and walked a different road.
i doubt i'll be even multi-nationally friendly.
cos aust has really made me see the other sides of life.
the other walks of life.

but there will always be an irony to my happy endings.
half the ppl (or three quarts) i met are singaporean.
hahah LOL.
most frm ACJC/VJC/HCJC!! who got rejected to do med in spore.
(f*** the govt!)
so yeahhh.
soooo to extend my warmesttttt welcome to all of them cos theyre new to melbourne
(and im the victimised tour guide)...
HI to jeremy, joshua, derrick, ethan, ken, pat, alfred mattitia, joo hoe, jeffrey.
etcetc.
ohhh and to the locals in 2nd yr,
adam, ian, louise,etcetc,
thanks for the orientation and all the best for final campus-based modules!! (:

the realllllll annoying thing abt sporeans who study med
(cos of their high financial status and expectations,)
is that everything they wear or HOLD must be of a higher standard.
Eg, their spectacles.
MUSTTTT be tag heurer.
like..... wtf???
its NOT even noticeable when You STARE at it long enough.
unless you're one of them, and can spot out the coin amongst the pot of gold.
well... then thats just.... retarded.
but reallyyyyyyyy.
they're like sooooo erghhhh.
i like the otherrrrrrr group of sporeans,
who really want this badly,
that staying in a ONE room cube is a luxury,
cos' they got into med,
and nth else really mattered.
and they dont have both parents docs to pressure them to carry on the hierachy,
but they do it for themselves.

no, really.
i may be ranting,
but if you only knew the situation of people here,
and really try to listen,
and see for yourself how corruption is born,
then will you really understand why doctors are judged with a common misconception.
and all those rich kids who barely define med,
wanna be plastic surgeons.
for ONE reason,
it builds riches fast.
well , if you tink of it that way,
then yahh it does.
but then its not exactly HELPING the world isit?
(unless of cos you do reconstructive medicine, but then again, they're too scared of accident-disfigured people)
and it'll be dishonesty on YOUR part,
cos we all had the interview,
and only YOU would know how you cannivingly lied your way thru the board of directors to get a place in med.
how pleasant the hospitals would be,
with you people around to kan the civilians money.
:/

if only you could see these tears.

i dont know whats coming over me.
i just wept seeing how much she meant to you.
i dont know what exactly is going on,
and i definitely,
definitely,
not prepared to hear what you have to say about it.

baby don't you break my heart slow.

erghs.
today is the first day of orientation.
got so many pics to post! but im lazyyy.
its so much more fun than sg.
FOR SURE.
(:
its got booze everywhere.
and they were selling Metro nightclub tix.
and monash ppl get 2 free boozeeee there. hahahaha.
but im in total no mood to go.
so i backed out.
and f*ck that anyway.
im no big shit to be there anyway.
made no diff.

oh and besides the fact that we walked literally 10 km today,
im glad im in the comfort of MY own home.
walking is clearly not my favourite sport. (:
tmr is medfest.
PLEASE make it quick and dandy.
wanna get over with it.
and get home.
hide in my corner and get thru another day.
another day i really wish i dint have to go thru.
without y.o.u.

ive been questioning myself.
over and over again.
.....
how IS a girl supposed to be treated?
well. obviously, im NOT getting it right.

made alotta frens today.
even got a henna!
(:
made the coolest frens!
- Alfred frm Samoa (sp?) in the pacifics.
- Ken frm MONASH GREEN.
yes . another neighbour to hang out with and NOTdwell in self-isolation.
but i still want YOU!
now i know why some ppl choose temporary companionship over a greater good.
PLEASE reassure me, im stil sane.

i wanna go back to sg.
i wanna see YOU.
sarah called to say she's coming over.
GOD please send me my sister.
i need her right now.

yet another entry.

ohhh can nobody do it like you?
say, every lil thing you do
hey baby
say, it stays on my mind.
and i,
im officially missing you.

i AM officially missing you.
official. and serious.
pouts*
im actually counting down the bloody hours n minutes till i can call you!
YESsss...
im willing to wait another lifetime to hear youuuu!
hahaha.
(okk that sounded so major)
anywayyyy.
theres 3 hours 28 mins left! :)

driving today was good.
actuallyy, it was the worst of all,
but STILL, it was better than staying home,
staring at the computer screen
or an empty room.
i swear,
the emptiness will get to me one day.

ohh ohh ohh.
did i mention,
Kobe dearest is backkkkkkk in melbournE!
i cant wait to meet him i tell you!
i used to be afraid to meet him,
in fear you'd mind.
but wtf!!
(if you do rembr, he's this china guy with the nicest accent and streetwear)
(: who brot me to the beach,
and to la porchetta.
i dont know why,
but i've been silently waiting for his return,
like a sudden urge to meet him!! hahah
well he was my eye-candy till it lasted.
now its lee hom!! woooowheeeeee.

ohhhh looking at belly's blog (after a longggg lag)
i regret not meeting up with I.J Primary frens!
i dont believe i left jst b4 we met up! pouts*
i really miss them. esp Amy and Tann
andddd EVERYONE.
oh gosh.
nostalgia running thru my blood.
i miss IJ TP so much already,
can you imagine the summountable emotions for IJ BT?
haha.
yessssss.
we WILL meet once again. i swearrrrrr.
(:

i finishedstudying 4 full chapters of the bio shit today.
anddddd
when i flipped the next page....
i realised that 6-8chapters form ONE module.
and i got like 4!!!!
FOUR f*ckin modules to do before sch starts is really retarding me alr.
its a torture. really.
and i canttttt cant cant understand whats the diff btwn eukaryotes and prokaryotes.
why mad cow disease has sucha long name-
Bovine Spongiform encephalopathy.
WTF?????
whats wrong with just Mad Cow disease.
now i have to use one of me & megg's favourite secret to memorising..
the codenames and retardeddddd phrases tat really dont make sense.
S:
megg you'll luff ur arse off to know that i used spongebob to memorise this mad cow shit!
(: hahahhhahah.
i kinda forgot it alr (which is really ironic n annoying).
oh well shit happens. heh. erghhh

thanks daddy for calling me up everyday!
(: it really makes a big difference to hear a familar voice.
its runs down my back and races in my mind.
i REALLY appreciate it. (:
ilu lots lots.

*someone pls gimme a paper and pen,
and i'll rewrite the whole f*ckin book in one paragraph.
its unnecessary and really irrelevant to my vocation.

i just wanna live.

there

should i settle for companionship to fulfil temporary sanity,
or
should i suffer a f*ckload of isolation for a greater good??

been up all night for a week since i got here,
pondering and self-searching for the answer.
but i figured,
i already know the answer,
i just don't know how to get about choosing it.
:S
complicated ehs.
typical.

listening to songs like "sometimes love jst aint enough"
and "what if"
etcetc.
it really doesnt help. the shuffle play on media player SUCKS.
somehow,
it neverrrrrrr plays songs like "i finally found someone"
or "more than words" OR SMTH NICE.

bloody hell.
now its Spanish Guitar by Toni Braxton.
OKKKAYYY.
clearly it dint get my hint. hahahhahhaa ((((:

And you dont know,
you dont even know that i exist.

NICE song.
well lifes a b*tch. pout*
i hate clayton. oh welll actualie i hate melb. clayton is a nice clean neighbourhood.
i wish i was home.
right where you are.
whats life studying, when family n frens are far at hand?

erghhh coldplay has a hold on me now.POUT!!

what if you should decide that you dont want me there by your side
that you dont want me there in your life.
woooooooo lets try .
how would you know it if you wont even try.

ohgosh ohgosh

jst came home frm michelle hunney's place.
in caulfield campus walk 2.
((((((((: you have no idea how much i miss you dear girl.
you look sooo different now
but ilu all the same!! (:
oh krissssssy too .
heh.

ohhhh felix (mich bf) n i went home tog cos we both stay at clayton .
and it was blooody fun!!
heh.
cos he parked his bike at the station and had to ride home.
and being the gentleman that he always is,
he rode me back.
HAHAHHAHA.
i kept tryin not to complain,
but he felt me figgiting with the bloody seat cos my punani was hurtin like f*ck.
S:
well... if you were me,
you'd be experiencing pain CLOSE to delivering a baby.
ha.
oh did i mention it was a BICYCLE??
(not a motorbike)
HAHAHAHHAHAH.

ok. i know its lame.
but this only goes to show how deprivedddddddddddd i am of entertainment at home ALONE.
i wish i could get a roomie now.
i really do
its boring just thinkin of what tmr holds....
NOTHING.
(exactlyy).
self-entertainment has officially lost its sole purpose-
to entertain oneself.
erghhhs.

baby help me keep my sanity.

theres a lot to say when youre bloody far from one you love.
and many things left to be done.
but what can a lil girl like me say?
when theres only emptiness to be filled
and loneliness to be conquered.

and who's left to judge?

one more try.

a specialllllll shoutout to tiffany teow kim mei:::
WOMAN. i love ya man!!! thanks for yet another chat. =)
glad we caught up lots lots. and good luck for ur uni.
u'll do jst rite.
ilu and missing ya too.
about our cairn trip...
we'll figure. together.
okie love? (: mwakkks.

today was yet another one of my driving frenzies.
=) i loveeee mr Kaisar. he's the bestest best instructor PLUS friend!
( yessssss. a 32 yr old can also be a hell good friend!)
i seriously cant ask for ANY more frm him than he has already offered me.
today is one of the last lessons. like a refreshment.
and it was shit funnY!!!!
i drove onto some road gutter cos the turning was bloody mofo sharp la.
and you wouldnt believe his reaction!
he put his safety belt tighter alil
and held on to the hand grips.
NOT kua zhang what!!!!
it was a funny sight!

saturday is my next lesson.
well....
its nt literally a lesson cos we're going to a car yard to view my favourite babyyy- VW Beetle Miami.
=) heh. yes.
thats gonna be my bday prezzie i insist.(VERY belated one).
=)))))))
and its weird how almost everyone i know dreads driving.
they complain abt VIRTUALLY EVERYTHING.
and i begggggg to differ.
cos driving is now officially the only routine i look forward to.
well...
if you see it my way,
-cleaning spider webs (yes. with REAL spiders)
-cleaningout the garage
-buying grocery incl. 30 mins walk
-GARDENING (this time with Tarrantulas :()
etcetcetc ISNT exactly the best time of your life.
so getting out and getting ON in a good thing to me.
the day's sun and the night's breeze fits in just right.

-all i need in this life of sin, is me and my Beetle Cabriolet!!!!
(fuck. if not for the convertible's double pricing, IT would be MINE)

yes yes. rachel isnt greedy.
just a brand new beetle would do
*licks lips-.

what if- you should decide that you dont want me by your side.

okie. dont mind the title of this entry.
im hooked onto Coldplay's "what if".
ha. weird song to be hooked onto,
cos the tone isnt that catchy.
but its weeeeeeird.
its... RELEVANT.
=/

i officially suffer from insomnia.
someone pls save me.
i cant believe how much shit my mind churns out when its so restless.
i start hallucinating (WELL... imagining wld b a good word).
and i start contemplating the worst case scenarios.
that could potentially put me into a mental ward if i carried on any further
=S

as for my fruitless attempts to fall into slumber,
i REALLY need a cure.
a great big knockout that could leave me snoring for hours.
=))))))
no no,
seriously.
i can just LAY THERE.
period.

shoutout to B. my ns boyyyy:::
BABBBBBBY you darlin thing!!
thanks for the nice nice nice reply last night.
THO IT COULD BE A POSSIBILITY AS TO WHY I COULDNT SLEEP.
hhahhaha jokin B.
well.
thanks tho.
after i got the msg, i cried like a b*tch.
but then again,
i cried myself to sleep!
so either way,
im good. =) thanks love.
suddenly,
studying away from home isnt sucha bad thing after all.
cos' i know that...
you're beside me no matter where i am.

(: have i told you lately that i love you??
have i told you theres NO ONE ELSE above you??

zoned.

i finalllllly got internet at home! =) wheee.
buttt its bloody dial up. arghhh fcuk it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*been starin at my lappie monitor long enough,
long enough to know that all i think about,
is y.o.u.
and if for one minute i wasnt,
i'd be praying you're still alright,
still doing good back home.
honestly,
i cant comfort you with the best advice or even empathize with you,
cos im not going thru outfield,
or having to dig holes in mud for shitsleep.
but i know i can sincerely wish you well,
and keep you in my prayers.
you know i want you bad enough,
bad enough that i'd do whatever it takes to lessen your agony in ns.
but sweetie,
thats just all i can say.
and we all know actions speak louder than words.
sorryyy**
----------
today was registration day for everyone in the Faculty of Medicine, Nursing and Health Sciences.
it was alrite,
except they were soooooo organised that it made the whole signing up process long and tedious.
they had like 6-7 stations (like steps to go thru)
and it was massive.
thankgod i wasnt that late after all.
thanks to elliot who woke me with his call!
(euelliot, im not done with you yet! roar!!)
nahh but all is done.
and theres a shitload of paperwork to do!
and its soooo disappointing to know that i got an extra course frm everyone else
for not undertaking bio last yr.
instead,
i have a WHOLE timetable for this bio bridgin course that will take a few years to complete.
THANKS LOTS MUFY, for not telling me!
(so why make chemistry a bloody fcukin prerequisite??)
pouts*!

well,
accepting that i'll be slower in terms of academy and lecture tuts,
im pretty assured i will have all the attention on my studies.
NOT bcos i set it out that way,
but solely cos' my frens are lesser this year
(thanks to the high cut off score that kicked half the taylorians out).
sooooo im not complaining.
cos sometimes i defy the system here and really question the existance of God when i lose my frens one way or another,
but i know,in the end,
its for a better good.
=))))

school starts on the 27 feb,
but fcuked was i,
when i saw that MBBS ppl have a 3 day CAMPING kinda camp at phillip island.
and BTFW,
its not with nice lodging,
its TENTS, SLEEPIN BAGS, SMOORES, ETCETC kinda thing.
ITS NOT MEANT FOR girl material,
someone like me.
=(
darn.
can you imagine the amount of screams and shrieks and jumping ard like an imbecile when a harmless bug takes a stroll past me?
YES.
go figure. and get ready!
i was complaining the idea of it,
but i figured theyre right (for fcukin once)
cos we'll be together for 5-8 yrs.
in the same lectures,
tuts,
group works,
ESPECIALLY internships.
so we must attend a longer trip to fully understnad and accept each other.
and learn the different ways and cultures.
and for a fcuking start,
i'll stop whining abt the ineffectuality of SOME people when they forget that manners exist sometimes.
=))))))
and i really dont understnad whyyyy its the bloody MBBS ppl who dont getluxury trips like OceanRoad (pharmacy)
or
mount dandenong (law/commerce).
PLEASE pple.
take a closer look at the medicine faculty.
do we look like we're fcukin ready for hard labour?
leave the trekking and climbing to the Fitness ppl PLEASE.
=(((((

i realise ive been ranting too long.
and it isnt helping much that YOU're not calling or answering calls.
im sorry. i know how bz you are,
but while youre there running,
im here dying.
of loneliness,
and of depression cos there's no one to tell it to.
the angst im feeling is overwhelming.
we can jst never be contented where we are. =(

LASTLY,
the only friggin reason im happy today,
is my new frienddddddddds.
oh welll. A new FRIEND- patricia! =)
wheee. so funnn to be ard. i KNOW,...
its only been one day. but sometimes, it doesnt take a year to realise how far we'll ever go together.
she's this VJC girl (also frm dunman),
so small and tiny! ahhaahah and she's damnnnnnnn nice too.
funny.
we both have the sameeeee sense of humour,
and we sing!=)
and we like russell peters too!
=))))
and its funny cos our style is pretty muchsimilar.
you wont believeeeee it.
what she wore today, was the EXACT sameting i wore on my first day at taylors. hahah
same COLOR and STYLE.
now how weird is tat? =)

*shoutout to dearest pat:::
thanks woman!!!! for packing up the plastic bags! its laughter just watching you fold triangles out of poly-whatever they're called!
anddd of cos
for staying at my place to watch simpsons!
(cos you knew how much i hate loneliness!)
youre always welcome at my place girl!
and YES,
we MUST have a dinner party yeas?
and i'll def let you do the cooking! =)))))

OKOK I'll get off the bloody com alr! =)
heh.

pouts*

another day in melb.

i wish i knew how to better tell you that this Vday isnt the same without you.
and i know it for a fact
cos i really wanna shout out to you
but its virtually impossible to.
and i wish i could sing it out in a song for you.
or write it down in a poem,
but the words just dont come out rite.

sorry my love.
i cant be there for you on this special Vday.
but i love you still
you KNOW that.
and sorry we fought ovr the stupidest reasons the day before i left.
but you know im alwyas here rite....?
and for all the times i let you down, baby,
im sorrrrry.
but this is officially the 3rd Vday we've even HAD a vday since you knew.
oh wells...
tk cr love,
and im still mad about you..

as for lionel owen tan....
HEYYYY sweetie!!!
thanks for sending me flowers all the way to melb.
i appreciate it alot.
=)))))
i may not be able to personally be there and thankyou
but you know i really like it.
*hugs-.

to linnie babe,...
glad to hear from you dear...
we had like 40 mins of NON STOPPPPP gossiping!!!!
it was the best thingggg.
=)
ilu too babe. mwahhhhs* tk cr and pls tk cr!!

oh to megg.
hey dear girl....
thanks for the talking.
tho short,
but thankkkkkks.
ilu and imu. mwahhhs***
-----------------------------------------------
Thats when i love you ,
i love you endlessly.

its more than just that.

seven more days till i get home in melbourne.
honestly,
i want the next five days to pass in a blink,
but the last two must last.
last a lifetimeeeeeeeeeee.
cos my ns boy is coming out on saturday!!!
then we'll only have like, what,
ONE full day tog till i leave on sunday morning.

and we ALL knw that ONE day is just one too little.
sooo therefore...
must treasure it with allllllll my heart and soul.
savour the moments.
and make them last.
let them become more than a phase i have to go thru.
make them mine.

well..
as for the past few days...
went to colin's place for bai nian.
and finished mahjong etc etc at like FIVE freaking AM in the morning.
soo shagged.
then had to meet meg and all the next day,
sighs*
ohhhhh the prime of the week is meeting MARILYN KHNG WAN YU.
my only mei mei.
made my day soo worth livin.
you always do, meiii. =)
and we talked the max we ever did.
caught up alot.
but sadly, its like only ONCE since i got home,
and now i must leave again.
sighs*
=(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((
ilu meiii*.

i hate leaving,
esp leavin the homeland.
i shall treasure the bloody last few days and pack my schedule till its done for.
and make every second one i'll never forget!!!!
and any last min appointments,
contact me asap plssss!! =)
jk jk

now at mother's hse.
seeing her while i can .
i knowwwww she's one i'll miss da most.
but thats just life.
and im never gonna get enough of it.
=(

oh boy oh boy!

oh boy really!!
i have about 9 days more in sg.
and poor NS boy is stuck in camp for another week.
NO SWAY WHAT!
but patient me will wait.
(as usualllll).
they dont call me waiter for nth!
(:

anyway....
went wala wala again today.
to meet meg.
josh n elmo came along but left soon after.
yday went Ice Cold Beer.
reallyyyyy nice atmosphere!!! =) shall go there more then!!
oh wells...
till you come out.
Pouts*

sometimes i wish i knew what to do
or even what to say
when you're there and im here.
we're always worlds apart.
whthr we chose this way or not.
and sometimes,
i wish i could comfort you enough.
to show how much im here for you,
how much im ready to wait another decade for you.
but words just aint enough to describe the depths of my emotions.
=)
and sometimes,
silence speaks the most.

thats why im keeping my words in.
and hope you'll hear my heart instead.

i miss youuuuuuuu*

bittersweet and shame//

imagine spending the last 10 days or so in sg without the comfort and warmth of the ones you love.
and for a change,
im actually publishing my emotions and thoughts out in person.
and i meannnn,
in the face.

you cant imagine how torturous it is to have to argue with your own parents about how desperate you are to come hm to them in june/july.
i definitely wouldnt stop to phase,
but HELLLOoooo....
arent they s'ppose to welcme you back with the widest smile?
and warmest hearts??
i shant contemplate their reasoning,
in fear of hurting myself.
so i shall just PRETEND like i dont giva shit.
den mayb...
JUST mayb reverse psychology might work to my advantage for once.
=)

sometimes,
it takes more than one to keep something going.
and now,
theres nth more that i wanna say to change it.
cos' everything is going the same path im taking.
and for goddamn once,
i actually can say how happy i am to see you.
without feeling the guilt
or shame
or unfortune that you've brought upon me before.
and just for once,
i realise how much i did so becos' of
you.

Irony of it all is when you're there and i gotta go somewhere else to pursue what im living for.
but its not gonna change anything.
-the way we were
-the way we are
-the way we should be.
and not for once did i take for granted your absence or presence.
cos' i know that ultimately,
i'll be coming home to you.
once more.