take a bow

for makingme believe
that you could be
faithful
to me.
----------------
random.
im addicted to that song.
not to keiboy, dont worry.
jst a random *ahemmmm.
jst felt like singing it
to all the exs in the werld (all of mine obviously)
for everytime that i caught em out and didnt say anything jst cos i didnt knw what to say-
well, this is it.
everyyyyone of em.
no exceptions.

and maybbbb ONE of em might misrepresent my point and sing it BACK to me
but im sure
he shld knw our rship better than he claims.
things ended before they even began.
and thats the shitness in every history i have.

i miss you.

im bored.

came super duper early to cabrini to do clexane injections.
normal. fun tho.
got to chat with like all the sweeeeeet old ladies in the ward.
it was soooo funny i tell u.

all were soooooo stubborn. kept insisting they can manage when one of em almost fell getting up frm bed.
i tell u.
i dont knw why,
or how,
but i saw my nana in every one of them.
i saw her smile.
it was radiant as ever
and i cant seem to forget a single thing abt her.
not even her words and naggings.
and even the times she made me mad, i stil rembr.

one lady in particular in the ward realllllllllly looked a lil like nana
and i saw her eyes.
oh man. i couldve jst weeped talking to her.

i miss her.
erghhs.

andddd
today i got orthopaedic surgery. OH MANNNN hope it doesnt take too long.
i cant stand standing ard the theatre on hours chiselling bone, whackin the bijesus out of hips, sawing randoms and nailing it into the hip joint- the utmost carpenter-like job i'd ever see.
(:

buttt to top today off- its the end of the month alr!
wooot!
new bills again. but whats more-
the smell of spore is getting so close i can hardly breathe. (:

life is mundane right now.
i go about doing what i HAVE to do.

i study, tutor to support myself, pay bills, find thrifty things to kill time, clean the house, and study again.

i dont even shop anymore cos its not smth i HAVE to do.
jst smth i wish i'd go back to doing soon! (:

and im bored.
i have nth to do which actually excites me.
even eating seems more of a chore now too.

today, start work reallyyyy late. like 1.30pm.
soooo i got up early still. went grocery shopping, topped up petrol, etc things like that.
(as ive mentioned, things i HAVE to do)
anddd got ard to doing my pathology work due this week.
SEE I HAVE NO LIFE> even when i dont have work, im still doing some form of work or labour.
and i have to give tuition today.

this is really starting to suck for me
i work freaking far from home jst to earn a measly amount to support my daily needs and meds.
THIS REALLY IS NOT HOW I PICTURED MY LIFE.

the devil made money.

how to not get stressed when all i see is the constant need for one thing-
MONEY.

lets fuck exams for a while.
and all that. (hehehe)
and think abt it.

seriously!

whats the point in living if we live so that we can WORK, just so that we can PAYBILLS and BUY MORE food to live, which in turns help me LIVE so that we can work somemore and buy more things, ad buy more food???

SEE MY POINT?
its a vicious cycle of doing things out of conformation and what not
so we can jst start all over the very next day.

life.
its so fucking short.
i mean, i barely think its worth the wait.

andddd to fuck it all up,
i have to pay pple back, buy workstuff like shoes cos mine is almost dead alr, pay for my airtick to thailand, save up for FOOD etc (tsktsk),
pay freaking bills (my phone bill is a fuckwit and my electricity jst kills. period)
anddddddddd
i need to buy groceries.
another 100bucks down the long-gang.
and lots more.
OH YES
and birthdays. ad and danielles is coming up.
holy fuckshit
somethings gotta give ard here!!! grrr.

i hate money.
quite opposite of keith. haha.
andddddd i have exams in a couple of weeks,
but does anyone care? no fucking way.

OH and one more shit to top this alr fucked up day,
SOME BASTARD HIT MY CAR AND DROVE OFF.
i was parked below my place
so obviously i wont knw who ever did it
and hence, i gt to pay another 2000PLUS to repair this shitty car of mine.
FUCK ME.
i hate this.
seriously ANYONE GIVES A SHIT ANYMORE??

i dont. fo sho beyoooootch.
ha.
random

no serious. NO SHIT MAN.
i work 3 days a week now tutoring ppl i really abhor and i really dont want to see anymore in this life,
but NOOOOOO i still dont ever have enough to get by,
is it jst me or is this torture?

torture. just torture.

my hair is falling out by itself. as if malignant.
and im skin is shitty.
i have a clot in my palm and in my face.
ohgreat
i can see how effective this is.

another torture to kill joy-
its 3 degrees and i cant feel my toesy woesy.
seriously.
i need a heating vent installed in my floorboards.
dying of frostbite S:
its never been so cold before!!

anyway gotta run.
ohhman tuition again with meg today. big whoop.
BYE WERLD.

green with ENVY *licks lips

more pics.

this time its the green version of the pink one previously.

worth 300 anot?? ):

im broke. sad and broke.

i need a new job i think. (:

erghhh and now for more work work work and TUITION after that. tskkk. *sniffs.

my life is mundane. i need a holiday please!

NICE???

heres two pics that i took w the dress kris bought.
the one i want is exactly the same butttt its deep jade green (which i forgot to upload. hahah)

the point is, im taking a poll- is this worth 300bucks for beck's wedding (im the pseudo-bridesmaid. jst let me be!!!)hehehe
ps pls ignore my hips thankyew (:

its monday morning!!!!! (:
wooot. im way toooo happy for a monday blueish morning. ohhhh today is exciting.
i end at 12pm. TWELVE FREAKIN PM. woots.
and i gotta collect a parcel frm spore at the post office,
and im getting my LG SHINE HP. (: delivered to meeee.
andd im collecting kris PINK dress.

the 300bucks garfunkle dress that I WANTED (only that mine is jade green).
its for beckys wedding!!!
but its 300 BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. i hate life.

ok anyway.
DEPRESSED.
need to save up and pay for my meds and still have to worry abt a freaking dress thats oonly due in DECEMBER. ok cool.
i suck at money management. leave me alone.

wheeee

life is better for wicked.

studying on a saturday arvo at mich n kris place is kinda nice.
lazing ard the telly
watchin random mtvs and criticisin the lameness
and hot chicks *roll eyes*

im goooood.
jst bored. abt 3 weeks to exams.
do i realllllly carE?
no.

its jst formative and not funnnnnn.

boredom.
sitting and dreaming on mich's bed is jst simple.
simple and nice.
ANATOMY HERE I COME! (:

could pple get any more hypocritical?

ok im not pissed at my sissy.
just annoyed. ('just' being the functional word here. *ahem* )

i alr found a plce to live for 11days before keith gets outta camp,
butttttt
its gonna be freakinnnnnnn far.
so for those who wanna meet me or wanna knw where i'll be living, private mail me or smth cos this blog isnt as private as i thot it was anymore. ):

andddd back to the topic of hypocrites.
ERGGGH.

dont you just HATE hypocrites?
ok. too harsh. shes still family.
dont you just REALLYYYYYYYY REALLLLLYYYYY DISLIKE them? (:

seriously.

how can you even have the damn balls to look straight at me and keiboy,
tell us its ok and to stick it out no matter how hard times get,
and yet,
in front of my daddy,
tell me to get a 'nice australian boy home' (QUOTED for accuracy. lol)
thats a hypocrite.

THEN,
you tell me its ok to wear RED at nana's wake cos according to daddy,
nana likes red and cant stand pple wearing black,
and thennn the moment you get ur arse back to the US,
you tell mummy i was INDECENT and DISRESPECTFUL to nana??

OK NOW THATS A BAD CALL.

anddddd a hypocrite calls everyone else a hypocrite BUT themselves.
now thats gotta top it off.

its fair to have your own opinions but its bullocks to impose them on others who really dont give 2 flyin fucks abt what you think.
if being a sister means
- making the younger one cry like a bitch each day
- email them 4 emails at ONE time lecturing them abt the values of life which you yourself lack
- bitching abt your own sister to your mummy
- making you feel bad for even existing to begin with
and not giving you a chance to pick yourself up when you fall,

then greattttttttt.
you'd top that too.

(and for everyone who supports that behavior/person just cos you can. or you believe shes doing it out of goodwill and concern. then fuck you too.)
cos tryin to break up a mother-daughter rship is NOT concern.
and being older doesnt mean wiser.
and there are a million ways to express one's feelings and values.
just not with force, or rudeness, or guilt-tripping.
THATS not the most effective way i'd say.
and if you need tips, ASK ME.
cos i wont tell you to shove it up ur arse when all else fails.

dont tell me "ohh shes just being a big sis"
cos shes not.
shes being the "smart one", the "richest one", the "AMERICAN one" (as if its been 10 years already. tskkk), the "shes alll that one".
thats the "im gonna be like this cos i can and im older than you".

i miss her and i do love her.
but theres always a foul-mood, vulgar-wrenching, domineering, non-altruistic side of her that i abhor.
and i'd never be like that to my baby sisters.

all coming back

i had a dream.... (noooo not martin luther style.)

i dreamt of alllllll the ex-bfs in aust.
it was weirdddddddd.
all the emotions of every single rship was re-experienced in that one dream, in that one sleep.
weirrrrrrrd.

i woke up, teary with fullness of reliving and re-accepting all the memories.
i could have sworn i'd be off guys if not for keiboy.

starting frm Rusdi (the indo guy frm taylors college).
rusdi was hard. not very hard actually. just longggggg and dreadful.
then josh. ok we'll leave that out. lol.
Then Dmitri (the russian one)
Dim was harddddddddddddddd. twas fast. but hard.
then came Sam.
Sam was hard. simply that.

THENNNNN came the ultimate eyecandy of my lifeee- James hottie.
(see i dont even knw his surname. which is jap btw. just shows how ineffectual i am in rships!)
ANYWAYYYY,
he was the sweetest boy ever (note: BOY. not guy- boy.)
he always was.
actually,
if not because i was trying tooo hard to "play hard to get"
and all that.
and made him feel so insignificant in my friendslist,
we'd prolly be tog now.
and my family would be lovelyyyy to all of us and not be so stuck up.

but then on the other hand,
what would be of me n keith?
and its not too hard to figure that out.
S:
andddd we get the repercussions of it all- the whole werld going agst us.

so mayb i shldve weighed things out a bit before i dated anyone.
but if i cld rewind time,
i'd do it all over again.
i would. really.

and funny thing,
keith had a nightmare and msgd me in the wee hours of the morning,
telling me i left him and was mean to him etc etc.
HA. *relevance to mine. tsk.

i stayed tucked up in my bed all warm and fuzzy this morning,
refusing to get outta bed,
so that i cld reclaim my feelings of the dream and really settle it out myself.
and i cldve sworn it was all comin back to me.

(:

my life- a classic stinkbombbbbbb.

ppl will pretend to be nice to you one moment
and the next-
Kaaaboooooooooooooooom*
their sheep skin fall righttt off and then you see them as they really are.

appalling i must say.

MUMMY DEAREST,
being a veryyyyyyy quick-to-scold person,
with no recall whatsoever of liking the boy
and suddenly, SUDDENLY-
turning ard to scream the shit outta me. even if it means spending 50bucks on a longdist call
all the way frm US.
damnnnnnnnnnnnnn.

):

randoms

i need a bigggg break frm all the hustle and bustle of a badddd baddd year at cabrini.
ok ignorance be key-
WHAT ABT THE PPL!??!?

alrighttt.

OOOOOOOH apparently,
the boy won 4D with our anniversary date! WOOOOTS! (:
aiyaaa not much at all,
but still shows theres still SOME HOPE for us, right? (: teeeheee.

anywayyys,
nth else much to bitch abt.
ohhh my neighbour is stingy, he locked his net.
lol.
andddddd i didnt do well for one of my MCR tests in cabrini.
suck shit. oh well.
andddd
finalllllllly got the boy's schedule for june.
OK FUCKED.
what else can i say.

now all i need is a place to live for about 9 days 13thjune-24thjune.
ANYONE WANNA BE NICE TO ME FOR ONCE??
hah.
funny.
desperation seems sweet frm down under (:

ooooh and to top this post off,
I HATE MONDAYS
and random fuckups who try to teach me how to be a gd person.

i need Bare Escentuals Make Up but its all in US. HELPPPPP!!!!
S:

birthday boy

im that incessant voice you dont wanna hear.
im the reason this all began.

i dont function well anymore, generally.
i spend countless hours worryin abt where to stay for 2 weeks in sg cos keith isnt coming out.
soooo i'll be alone.
i meannn,
i have a lot of frens to meet and stuff.
butttttttt its the LIVING tht needs another thought or two.
and its freakinnn me out.
cos i got exams on 13th june
and 3 assignments due then.
but im LEAVING on 13th. so i have no time to figure out where the fuck to live.
DAMN IT!!

decided to go thailand for a bit so i can see linn stef xy moreeee.
cant never get enough of them i tell ya!
still...
i gotta figure out where to go and how to get there.
i still got a bloody huge debt with my current air ticket.
its on a credit card
and you see,
credit cards are not friendly things i tell ya.
i spend half my life working to pay em off.
im fucked. fucked?? fucked.

and to end off on a slightly lighter note....

HAPPY 23RD BIRTHDAY BABY!
To my baby keiboy! (:
Wishing you all the best, and most well deserved things in life.
and hope that we'll have many more birthdays together.
Though im nt there now to get wasted with you in GOTHAM!!! (:,
but i jst wanna let you knw
that youre righttttt here in me
and i love it.
i love you!
God bless and i loveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee you my oooshhhhy baby waby.
(: MWAHHHHHHS*
tk cr.
and STOP KILLING YOUR LIVER AND LUNGS.

tsk*

pics frm the phone.

me n keiboy in a BUS. did u hear that? A BUS.
me at BPP. HEY I HAVENT DROPPED MY PEACEOUT ok.
inside the boat
inside frm the outside

daddy & victoriaaaaaaaaaaaaa (:
the fairest of em all.
papa's boat.
me in that boat. see the bed at the side?? AWESOME!!!!
me n the love. this is prior to me dying in A BUS. (i cant stop sayin that)

laura angel!!
delia. the otehr angel
beck... the.... big sista!! okkkk also an angel :)
laura posing. theyre models you see... :S
and againnnnn.

happy anni baby

life is such. again.

back to the normal cabrini life.
ED all day all night.
and alll the stuff i dont really care abt right now.

dreamt and miss nana every since the second i got back.

miss becks a lot too. (nt that its weird. more so that i want to be ard family)
esp now. its fuckin freezing here.
got home to 7 degrees that morning on sunday GRRRRR :(

i miss homeeeeee. get me homeeeeeeeee. roar.

oooooh HAPPY 4th ANNI babyyyyyy (ok it was yday, but i didnt have time to blog. so yeahh here it is. oK!)
cant waitttt for many many more yearssssssss to come. woooots.

ANYWHERE FOR ME TO STAY YET????
im fucked.
really, can i reallyyyyyy be bothered? NOOOOOO.

pictures of you.

me n becs. my sissy at keppel bay marina. (: me n daddy at keppel. he was soo cute with his lil boat thing. i love thisssssss pics. its just gorgeous. one of the only pics i took with them. sucha glorious day at keppel bay marina.

i loveeee!!!

just a few pixies to lighten the already dying mood.

my angel victoriaaaaaaa
vicky on daddy (notice her fairness)
naughty fella!
this is just me n keiboy 2 years ago
and 3 years....

xox

ok back to cabrini.
oh great.
i wish i could be more enthusiastic. no, really.

nth much.

flight back was ok.
life is ok.
getting better,
or at least i try to make it.

i miss home ALREADY. just one day.
grr.
miss the boy back home.
i'l be seeing you!

i love my boy! (:
kisses xox

to all back home,
miss u guys.
wish i met u all. sorry abt that.
tk cr and june-ish ok!?! (: mwahhh*