dying

OK.
i am bored.

i took one glance at Kumar & Clark
(a med textbk)
and NOPE. i refused to study today.
TODAY IS THE SABBATH- DAY OF R.E.S.T.
what dont you understand Huh huh huh.

(:

ok bad excuse.

anywaysssssssss
ive gone down frm being a sick person to a DYING ONE.
seriously. even my magnificent doctor skills cant save me nw. *heheeeeeee*
you knw WHY
cos' i started with tonsilitis then i started getting high fever.
THEN my tonsilitis became exudative after a few days.
anddddddd nw theres referred pain to my ear
(which iN THE EXAM, i got wrong btw.ha)
then i started getting migraine and dyspnoea (short of breath. heh. jargon.)
THENNNNNNNNNNNN
nw i got asthma.
and yes, im on constant meds- with my nana's trusty Fisherman's Friend losenges.
and my favvvvvv strepsils. (its an addiction currently heh)
plus my fever-reliever PANADOL.
my ventolin inhaler (i feel like a druggie. oh wells)
anddddddddd a hot mug of honey water every hour.

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

i cant believe aft such stringent measures,
im still sick as hell.
and
i get apoea at night so i can bearlyyyyyyyy fall aslp without choking.
bleahhhs
my eyes are swollen.
erghhh.

i cannot imagine living with this illness anymore
talcott parson's sickrole states that I SHLD BE RELIEVED OF ALL DUTIES AND RESPONSIBILITIES.
so why am i still studying?!?!?!??!

oh yes and when im sick,
the worst thing i cld read is ppl's blog filled with utmost sappy shits
while im gasping for air (literally)
in this hole

if you love her so much
go tell her.
or not.
shout it out off the cliff
so no one else can stop you frm loving her.
it sickens me to see you lke that.
dramatic yet so far from result.

stronger

ok bel and all
DONT FRET.DONT FRET.
rach is ok.

the boyfriend has cleared the dense, most SUBTLY distressing moment in both our lives.
and we are fine.

just a bicker.

rembr children,
what doesnt kill you
can only mk you- s.t.r.o.n.g.e.r.

and for that,
i wanna say
thank you angelllllllll for the movie Simpsons today (which SUCKED BTW. dont waste ur time)
and for the sporean food we had at the Glen.

i love you baby waby.
and hope the exam thingo didnt bring us all dwn too much.
LEARN FRM IT OK?

dumppppppppee.

ouch.
nw i know what it means to be dumped.
full on.

blame me for tryin not to cry.

i want christmas now.

BELLLY AHHHH
all ur posts on lyrics and all so sweettttttt
aiyooo im so happy for you bel.
hope he's the one.
and that FINALLYYYYYYY you get what you deserve for ever-so-long.
seriously.
im so happy for you im becoming jealous hahahahha (:
jkkkkk.

haiii
i cant wait to go back to spore at year end.
yes i knw how much ive ranted on abt how hot or yucky spore is
and how i jst wish i was permanently in melb.
buttt then,
my family- oh so cute lil sisters whom i adore jst every sec i tink of them,
and my daddy poooo whos jst the coolest and most caring dad one cld have.
and my older sisters- they knw how much they mean to me- EVERYTHING.
and my stepmom Ad. the support i need no matter where i go.

life is shitty sometimes
ok maybe alll the time.
esp here in melb now.
COLD AS SHIT.
EXAMS HARD AS SHIT.
FEELING DISTANT FRM HOME AS SHIT.
everything's shitty ard here now.
but you knw what-
im happy with what i was born with. my uber duber lovelyyyyy binnys.
i get calls frm daddy ALLL THE TIME (:
and i msn w becky a lot too.
and my mummy writes to me and sends me rations (hah thats what i call her parcels. since im so dying here.)
sarah's always there on the line when i cry or am bored.
and the babiesssssssss. OOOO SO CUTE I TELL YA!
always snatching the phone frm each other to talk to me.
and fer some reason
NEVER actually say a word once they got the phone. hah
how adorable.

i dont knw why i suddenly thot of bloggin abt my family.
mayb cos i had a dream abt christmas.
and ohhhh boy was it b.l.i.s.s.

mad

i have just wasted half my post-uni time on nth. well ok,
i skipped histology to have jap food *yummmmmmmm* at Glen Waverley
whichhhhhhh also means,
i have NO CLUE what half the coming exam is gonna be on
cos' i have yet to attend ONE histo tute this sem. or wait-
this year. *ahemmm*

i have my excuse!
a hungry girl cannot concentrate amidst all the rumbings of her tummy
and still be expected to sit thru 2 hrs of SHIT.
literally.
i mean, ok,
every slide looks the same under the microscope.
i cant tell what part of the body those bloody mungrel cells come frm
and if God cld hear me nw,
PLS TAKE MICROBIOLOGY OUT OF THE EXAM.
hehehehe.

seriously.
i am not gonna be foreman on House (those of you meddies shld go ahhhh.)
yes,
i will not falter into the hands of darn cells the size of micro-nano-meters.
(WHATEVER DONT ARGUE WITH ME!)

andddddddddd i refuse to be excited abt some HSLD thingamajitttttt
that takes over ANATOMY
including HISTOLOGY.
i know i know, i always fail an exam COS' of anatomy.
but boooooohooooooooooooooooooo im nt even complaining.
i like anatomy. (i jst suck at it.)
but thats missing my point.
ok wait-
i have no point.
yarghhh

and to conclude my half wasted day,
i have done nth productive and i shld stop net-whoring.
(: tee hee.
oh yeshhhh
and the simpsons movie is out on THURSDAY! woot! (:

cant cant cant wait.

righttt. right aft i study my shit.
oh yeah
and btw,
rach is not gonna moan over her loss in the recent exam.
i knw i knw,
i may have looked like a total wreck (frm the effects of studying almost 887348753 hrs a day straight, everyday of the HOLIDAYS)
and STILL possibly flunked this fuckin exam.
but i will not falter. NOooooo
im gonna study,
in fact- to STRESS ALL YOU MEDDIES (like kerf HEHE) OUT THERE,
I'VE ALREADY STARTED STUDYING FOR THIS SEM'S EXAM.
buwahahhahah

*evil laughterrr*
man, am i enjoying basking in my forsaken, and oh-so-deserved glory
of being a superdork/powernerd (as sam calls it)
but NOOOOOooo rach is fine. rach is fine.
dont worry.
rach is fine...
fine... im fine...

*walks off. hands in tremor.posture- hunched. skeptical as ever.as if paranoid. or smth*

"im fine. jst fine... fi..n..e...."

im going mad.

Sunday morninggggggggggggggggggggg (:

sammy boy has a huge penis.
he says he uses it to fight off wogs.
(:


yezssss you cldve guessed that WASNT me typing it.
well we knw who it is *wink wink*

its sunday mornin' andddd im lazingggggggggg abt at home.
with sammy boy.
(:
oh oh oh! i studiedddddddddddd yday.
(yes all u nerdwogs, i beat you!)
heh.
ok i prolly learnt nth but whateverrrrrrrrr~

ppl gimme ideas on things to do on a sunday.
i hate stayin home.
it gives me less reasons to get ready and dressed up.
oh and kerfff
i will the FIRST to send out our pcl shit this week okieeeeee heh.

and to gor:
WTF?!??!?!
im nv shout at you hor!
call me soon okie. actually, i'll call you instead la.
MEET UP WITH GERK YOU ARSEEE
poor gerk misses you. hahahaha.
(: tk cr gor. i miss you lots and alwyassssssssss too.
mwaks*

to everrrrrrrrrrryone else,
have a goooooooood weekend pple.
mwahhhhhhhhhhh werldddd.

oh yes and i love sam.

saturday blues... for once

omigosh.
this is the definition of sian-ness.

i slpt at.... 1.30am ( i tink..)
and woke up at like....
3.30pm.

YAY!
and sam thot i didnt reply 6 calls + 4 msgs cos i was angry.
hehehe.
ok thats mean, but u gotta admit its funny-
on 1 side im snoring away on my warm fuzzy bed,
but on the other side, he's fffffreakin out till he drove all the way here to check on me.
wahahha.

ohhh last night we went to sam's new new house bside the beach *jealous*
it was very cold there.
but ok la. the hse was bigggggg. a little empty w the need for old WOODEN teak furniture to mk it less robotic-looking.
but other than that,
it was alright.

sorry bel
cldnt celebrate ur bday w u in sg.
you damn suay la. 1 day b4 my exam.
fuckkkkkkkkkk.

and the exam was shitty.
so that killed the post-exam partying too.

and its saturday nw,
but im printing notes at home to study for the OTHER coming fucking exam
which i seriously mourn my days abt.

oh yes and i was so bored,
i watched netball on ABC ch
omgggg
if u tink aust are good at netball-
seriously- check out the NZ man.
oh mannnn they all moved soo fast
i cld barely rembr which team was which. hah.

okkkkk enough blabbering-
gonna get down to note-taking
and the fucking annoying HPKM stuff we were allocated to do.
seriously,
i try so fucking hard to participate but that bitch of a tutor really demises me
and i hate her to the core.
and mark tries even harder to do stuff too,
but sometimes,
ppl are so engrossed in themselves
that they dont see the effort others are making.
and it sucks
cos no matter how much you do, or try to do,
theyre always gonna label you as the one who doesnt give a shit

ooooooooooosh!

im in CMHSE now.
yes. and still blogger-whoring. heh.

my tute is only at 11am.
and its like... uber early.
so i got time to bitch and whine and whinge.
(:

sorry abt my previous-nt-so-friendly post.
firstly im having a lot of problems
and i knw the werld prolly has a thousand more probs than i do
but im ONE girl. and yet i got the weight of half the darn werld on me.
and ive been having soooooooo many nightmares tt i cant slp at night
and when i do
i wake up every ten mins sweating frm fear

i jst wish one day it'll all go away
just *poof* into thin air
and i'll get over myself then.

):
but for now.its back to studying.
less than 24hrs aft the worst exam i cld possibly do,
im back to the books at like 8am

sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

lifes sucha bitch. bleahhhhh (:

exam today.

oooooooookay

everyone guess what im gonna say abt the med exam.
*waitssssss*

NO SHIT.

anywayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy lets say studying DOESNT pay off
and prayers dont work that well.
unless ure dying of a broken heart and a hunk picks you up.
-laid- (:

other thn that,
it stops working.
and i DIDNT jst pray for miracles.
i actually fucking got out my fucking Grays
and fucking mugged it ok.

if not for fucking elaine
and BEN CANNY lets not forget,
who constantly bugs me abt getting kicked out cos of a pathetic average of 18 % on the exams,
I WOULDNT TOUCH grays.

yes you heard me. hah.

and if i knewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww for one second
thaT i wld be so unhappy studying the way i have been for 3 yrs in melb,
i wldnt be in melb.
i wld be in sg.

at least i got a fuckin family there
who wld say more than 'awwwwww' on the phone when ure upset.
and nana,
i love you.
i will call you again soon okie.

sorry i cant do well for you this time.

pass

first day back at uni.
was alright.

i think it went better than most of my monday-blues days.

did simple work.
and for ONCE, ONCEEEEEEEEEE,
i cld answer our tutor Holly when she asked some qns abt the anterior abdominal wall.
YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH babehhhhhhhhh~

SERIOUSLY
omgggg

YAY. i dont feel so inferior to everyone else ard me anymore!!!
(: yayyyyyyyyy.

ohhhhhhhh 2 days to the exam.
im nt panicking cos' i know,
theres no point in worrying. its wasted.
and overrated. hah.

(: and when its overrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
(: partying and drunk-days will be an understatement. heh.
pray for me pls.

i wanna pass.

church is a blessin.

to all who need a lil bit of enlightening and guidance,
CHURCH really does it.

no, serious.

i dont think i actually felt so connected before.
and i sang all the songs, whether i knew what they were, or if i had a sore throat.
still-
it sounded right.

and today was funny.
you knw how in your loneliest and darkesttttt times of prayer and need,
the priest conincidentally mentions smth related to that kinda issue.
and it hits you realllllll deep.
and you knw, God has heard me.

Today at mass,
the priest said a lil prayer for 'saving teams',
he even mentioned "doctors, nurses and all those in the treating teams"
and i looked up frm my seat,
and he seemed to smile at me frm where he was.
(that priest and i are veryyyyyy close btw)

and he prayed that they will have the courage and will and selflessness
to lay down their lives for others.
and that,
is the noblest thing man can do for his neighbour.

MAN I TELL YOU.
God really knows what to say when youre in the pits.

if you were me,
and you feel like jst giving up med
cos no one believes you can complete some a tedious long course,
and no one stands behind you to push you along the way,
YOU WILL REALLY CONSIDER GIVING IT UP.

but then when you ask for help and faith,
God wont GIVE you the answers or pass your exams.
in stead,
he'll show you, you're never alone,
and the werld is believing in you. no matter the situation.

and tho i'm supposed to be studying with sam today,
he's sick and he cant come.
and i cant go there cos i got no car.
sooo its jst me alone.
but it doesnt matter much anymore-
its not like im entirely alone... right?

ilu*

i told baby sm dirty little secret of mine today.
and i felt so relieved
yet
overwhelmed.

thks for not judging.
im whole all over again.

and ilu*

always.

mwahhhhhhhhhhh*

exam in bout 3 days. oh man.
the aftermath is worth the pain of waiting. (:

torture

oh mannnnnnnnnn 8 days to the exam.
NOW im freaking out.
wahahha.

ok my car isnt fixed.
i cant buy groceries.
im pissed.
very pissed.

you dont understand the feeling of walking 98275963489 miles to buy 9847573 worth of groceries.
and having to walk all the damn way back- TILL you had a car
and then you suddenly dont (due to unforeseen circumstances)
it suckssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss.
worst of all,
im in a clayton neighbourhood with NO PUBLIC TRANSPORT to clayton central. bsides a cab/
now now.
lets not go there.

if this was singapore (with perfect public buses and what not)
we have EVERY metre of spore covered by a bus that runs around in circles.
but at least theres a bus righT????
i cant walk to clayton in the fuckin cold.
which btw,
is SOOOOO Cold i thot it snowed.
(then i figured i was dreaming of a white xmas. and my dreams were shattered. once again)

I HATE BEING CAR-LESS.
call me spoilt
or gu niang.
or whatever.
ok god, work your miracle again.
make the roads less wet (cos it rained last night AGAIN. roar!)
and shorter. hehehhehe.

oh man.
the things ppl pray for.

ohhh and sam has otitis media AND externa.
MY POOR BABY.
take care.
come to think of it. lucky u.
got an excuse nt to study or move more than necessary (which to me, is none. hah)

ilu* take cr okie.

happy anni babeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh

today started off greatttttttttt, i tell ya!
woke up in time for the early mass at church.
and since my car is wogged, lets jst say hah,
i had to walk. and nooo its not that far. prolly 10mins or so.

the thing is, right,
i missed church 2 weeks in a row , honestly,
cos' i was pissed at God for a lot of things.
(one of them being my car. another being aaryanna. the other being my roommate.)
and a lotttttttttt of stuff like exams and all the $kaaching probs that have been putting me down lately.
and i KNOW its bad/wrong/ignorant/selfish of me to miss mass
but if u were me,
trust me,
you'd rather kill urself and go to hell
than ever see God again.

BUT TODAY WAS DIFFERENT.

i went to the EARLY mass *cough-faithful rach- cough*
heh.
anddddddddddd it started to rain jstttttttttt 2 mins b4 mass ended.
and i was shitting myself cos i hateeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee cold, wet walks home.
i took a step out of the church
and first thot in my mind-
oh god. forgive me.
andddddddddddddddddddddd (i knw its too dramatic to be a real miracle, but its one to me!)
it totally stopped raining.
like period.
and the sun was freakkkkkkkkkkin bright.
(kinda like the effect of its heat drying up the muddy paths hehe)
and then i strollllllllllllled home, hopping with each step,
and the second i reached the door to get my keys,
THE rain started pouringgggggggggggggggggggg.

ok so its prolly a coincidence.
but i feel so much better today.
abt myself. my life. my faith.

and today is our anniversary! 1 month. heh
we're back to the highsch days of celebrating each second being tog. hahah

and yes.

i wanna say ilu* baby.
cant wait for tonight!!
we're goinggggg to the worlds' largest ferris wheel (yes its down here for a mth or so)
and we're going to watch knocked up
thennnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn sammy boy is cooking ME DINNER. *panicks*
hehehhe.
nahhh.

(: ilu* baby. i cant wait to see you!!

did i not say that God has a way of working shit out??

happy bday baby

ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh boy
-shakes head-

sam the baby is sick sick sickkkkkkkkk outta his wits.
):

hope you feel better love.
and i, Dr Binny, m here to take care of you!! (:
heh.

nth much eventful today.
other that chaddy!!
went to see the oh-so-cuteeeeeeeee puppies at the petstoreeeeeeee.
anddd bought some Mac shit.
anddddd socks!
ohhhh n Boost!*yummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm*

hah.
nth else.

oh but TODAY is a veryyyyyyyyyyyyy special day.

happy bday to you
happy bday to you
happy bday dear aaryannaaaaaaaa,
happy bday to you.

babyyyyyyyy
i love you.
i alwayssssss pray fer you
and i miss you with everyyyyyyyy bit of my heart, my love.
(:
happy 1st bday baby.

OMG WHY IS THE EXAM SO FAR AWAY

i never thot i'd say this...

but...

where the fuck is the exam?
its literally crawling its way from the UK or smth.
sooooooooooooo slow.

i try so hard to study when i can
but the length of 12 days to go jst gives me an excuse to procrastinate somemore!!!
and i dont wanna procrastinate
cos i wanna enjoy my post-exam DAY (note: not DAYSSSSSSS)
and then get back to studying fer the midsem exam.

yarghhhhh

grit my teeth and let it go.
letttttttttt it gooooooooooo. (:

omg thats ANOTHER THING THAT WONTTTTTTTTTTTTT WORK.

(ok btw its frm spongebob. yes yes all u non-spongy supporters, you shld be ashamed. thats u sam)

haha.

i wannnaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa eat breakkie now okieeeee.

bye werlddddddddddddddd
and all you sad sadddddd ppl who read my blog ever so religiously.
(havent u heard of getting a LIFE!?!!??!)

sowwwwwwwwwwieeee.

went to uni today
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO not totally to study.
went to buy stationary for fun.
hah.
and pay bills again.
roarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr*

and to send letters ard.
yes yes july mth.
fuck la. sure go broke. hahah

oh yes.
andddddddddd this entry is especially for a person. one person- a lillllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll baby of mine who is prolly freaking out now
cos of my insensitivity.

i started ranting on abt PCLs and all Gerry Ahern's lectures and stuff
and i think he realised he catch no ballz
and started panicking abt the exams.

you knw how someone bitchy just HAs TO walk past you and talk about some medical thing that you knw you SHOULD knw but havent gotten down to it yet.
and then you feel utterly dumb cos' youre clueless
and uninformed.
and then turns out, the stuff ISNT on the exam?
YES i was that bitch today in uni
who freaked him out
when i shldnt have.

baby
i was ranting and im sorry.
im really not that smart.
i promise you im pretty dumb.
and noooooooooo i didnt slp with the lecturers to get thru 1st yr. heh

BABYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
im sorry.
):
(this shld remind u of my puppy eyes when i do smth wrong... like i usually do..)
ilu* anywayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyys

):

omgggggggggg.

you'll never understand why some pple are the way they simply are.
friendster whoring opens up new doors to enlightenment.
probably new doors that will never improve your impression of certain pple.

wht will you tink of someone if theyre ONE girl out of 44 boys.
and wht if in every pic, a girl's hugging a different guy.
(in hugging i mean HUGGGGGGGGING)
and wht does it tell you abt them when they walk past you utterly oblivious to you, like you never met before?

i dont think i rembr one IJ girl who came to my 17th party that rembrs when it was.
(of cos meg does) heh.
or a single Churchie that made an effort to find me on xmas eve mass 06 to say a simple one liner 'merry christmas'.
sometimes
i get tired jst watching friends (or whatever they call themselves) turn into strangers.
and when the ij bunch in melb meet up and chat,
all we do is bitch abt those 'friends' we wish we never had.
you'll never hear us say 'oooh! we're so close now. closer than ever. she even writes me blah blah blah'. cos the truth is,
NO ONE WROTE.

and when we reminisce over a good smoke at the Bogarts' tobacco cafe (hurhur) and talk abt what we've accomplished,
we never fail to mention "i want kids! ohh a nice romantic wedding by the beach" or smth along those lines.
but we neverrrrrrrrrr mention the 'bestfriends' we thought we cld never get married w/out them beside us, well,... 4 years ago.

im nt upset.
and maybe its my emo hits of the week.
but im looking thru blogs, and friendsters, and facebooks and what nottttttttttt.
i even looked at neoprints we took yearrrrrrrrrrs ago in my diary (of IJ days ok. not anymore!)
and i have neos with words like "sisters for life" or " forever besties" or "mwahhhs" or even "ilu" (you knw... the typical ILU mnemonic we used to use in IJ for fucksake?)
and now, i can bet you my bottom dollar that if i saw them walk past me right now,
those same ppl wld be totallyyyyyyy blinded by their lack of friendshippy thingo to even say hi or how are you.

ask me agn why im suddenly so annoyed TODAY.
jst suddenly.

well,
cos' i won that bet.

where is the love.
the IJ spirit- i even rembr the song and hw off-key we were before.
but No,
apparently it DOESNT live on, does it?

BLOGAHOLIC.

bloggin when i shld be studying
blame me.

sam ar....
trying to read my entries. so annoying.
*slaps face*

he's sooooooooooooooooooooooooo cute.
peering at me over my laptop monitor
and using his charm to distract
and then grabbing the monitor to read my entry when im distracted.

HES JUST SO ADORABLE.

(: (: (:
babeh i lurveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee you.

ok im jst being cheesy btw.
so he'll see what im typing and gleam to himself

early day today!

yes yes you heard me!! (((((((((((((((((:

sam's over since like 9AM.
an early start.
did groceries and got maccas for breakfast. -yummy-
and then studied a bit.

viewed someone's friendster.
and omg.
i just realised how bi i am.
i mean...

aiyah complicated.
i jst cant stop missing you.

bleahhhs xp
thats IJ for you.
living agst norms- jst my thing.

pics of my larlinks.

//elsa carrie me jo. fuck la. i miss you all alr!

//sam the baby and i. in DFO at Southern Cross!
// this is what i meant by i wanna die.

//me n carrie at chapel st. aiyahhh she was eating !!

pics of my larlings. (:(:(:

and tho my life is a-messin',

i cant help feeling im blessed with something more worth living for, than dying for.