home. at last.

just got home from west coast park. went wif scully bel kevie nicholas n john, scully's adorable/violent/temper bro! so darn cuteeee k. hahha. well, we went cck to buy dad, scully n ian's gift. den went west coast. was greatttt. haha got damn dirty. n did i mention its almost virtually impossible to run on sand? ahha. yes yes. n its nt cos u TINK im a bimbo k. its really yuckkie. n its too wet anywae. kinda played in the rain. lite rain. i got bruised. thx to the flying fox tingy. -slaps forehead- y did i bother. haiis. den was late so we headed home. was damn long la the journey. we keep talking bout tmr's bbq. wonder if my organisation skills will fail me tmr. haiis. sighs. hope everitinks well tmr. yipee. :)) well, slept on the bus ride home. kk here's the details. wahaha XP at 1st i leant onto the neckrest tingy till my neck 'chou jiing'( cramp!! ) den i dunno how come i was so tired until i fell aslp on my kevie's shoulder. den consequently made him shift ard so im comfortable. DARN it. u noe when ure aslp, u dunt care hu ure lying on n stuf. u just do. so tats exacctly wad i did. felt darnnnn bad when i finallie got up. cos my kevie had butt pain la, this la that la. haha skinny shit!! = den kinda msged him to apologise n oso thk him fer his wonderfulllllllll shoulder. was goOOod!~ hehe. SHIT. k . whoever reads this. shush.! dunt want to get the absolutely wronggggggg idea yupps? oh ya. n if it did matter to u,... i was only having my slumber. nth more u morons. haha kidding ya. i was just.... just.... argh! wadeva. i was tired ok! pouts. k im tired. goodbye world. celebrating daddys dinner bdae now. byeeeee. HMPF! i wasssss tired OK! haha -nods-

will i leave youu? ='(

**i dunt want the world to c me. cos i dunt tink they'l understand. when everytinks meant to be broken. i just wan [youuu] to noe hu i am** just chatting wif nicholas. sighss. finallie... i realise the truth of everyone. i noe wad they're tinking when i say i want to leave. shhhh. tell NO ONE else pls. thk u very much. i just got the registration form fer aussie. i got acceptedin med course! my gosh* my prayer is answered. begs**. BUTT... now tat ive talked to nicky, im getting worried bout going. its 7 yrs leh. cost almost a million in total. n im getting worried. again. haiis. how to leave now when i want to be here fer so many ppl i really love? sighss. i woke up today wif 14 msgs from the camp pple. they dunt stop msging! n the main ting is this... they're al different ppl n so sweeeeet still. n i just knew them like 3 days ago n they're alr so sweet! al telling me stuff like miss u, love u, etc etc. how i love them so... ='( sobs. better stop reading them... its getting me more hesitant to go. no rachel. go. sighss anyway, just want the world to noe i miss u guys! (i hv a reason fer tis) n i really love u all. alots alots. n also..im gg to meet gerd they all now. sighss. miss me pple. but nt toomuch.. hehe :) byeeeee

confirmation camp... a blast~

okok. im backkk!!! wheeee =) alriteys. 1st day at camp: games were wonderfuL! wet n dirty-flour n water games. had funnnnnnn. it was greattttttt. okok we had TOOOOO much Praise&Worship... made me sleeeepy :) anyway, we had lotsa sharing!!! haha too muchh kills. i was in Faithfulness Group wif xavier,cindy, michelle, 2francis, dommm! haha, had fun. Dom was one of the 'masters'.hhaah he was wonderfullllllll. farnie n smartt too! :) kk rachie, STOP. hahas. 2nd day: pple started jumping durin praise n worship (P&W). was funn... again. the only thing tat stood out was the healing part. darnnnn. pple fainted. mari (my baby wabey) cried non-stop!! poor babe! u noe when i saw her cried, tho i told no one, i cldnt stop cryin too. each tear she shed, each part of my heart shattered. "she cried n i died"... sighsss. anyway, i cried like mad. esp after confession, it was greattttttttttttttt wahahah. we kinda received the holy spirit n all.tho many dint show it, i noe we felt a lot. more than we expected. there was a sense of urgency to touch him.n after talking personally to anthonia, i knew everyone has probs. even the strongest person is nt deprived of their share of probs. its whether we show it. ndun act all happy when u keep so much hurt inside. ive been hiding i admit, but at least i took the step to release the pain in side. now im a happier gerl. n i thk god. oh yeas. dint sleep at all cos the room was friggin cold. wore 4 layers of clothes. haha. :) den okkkkkk. this was good--- i slept on kevin's shoulder fer a while. fell aslp k! it was freaking good sia. haha. iloveeeeee hiM! my good bro-in-christ, haha. played cards at nite. i won all the games i played. 5 times in a row mannn! whee. 3rd day: got up late but got dressed. had P&W again. den went fer mass, everyday is good. cos god is with us. okok. was fun. took lotsa pics. n received a million warm fuzzys. purrfect day to end it, hah. i read notes from pple i nv expected to get it from. overall i had fun. but i missed the pple i dear to. i missed youu. dint wanna leave at the last min but still... walked home in the pouring rain. damn. sickker now k. farrk. anyway,gtg slp again nite worldddd! god bless. Amen? amen. *dances* haha. wow. im changin. we learnt many forms of P&W. there's this part i like exceptionally! haa .. here it goes... P&W leader: god is good? we: all the time. leader: all the time? we: God is good. leader: god is sweet? we: totally ~ (wif a angmoh slang. hehe iloveit) leader: god is totally.. we:awesome. n everytime they ask 'amen?' we go... 'amen!' ahah its fun to noe there's someone out there fer u. cos there'll owaes b a time when we dunt get wad we want. but that's when we learn that we shld accept the tings we cant change, change the tings that needs amendments, n hv the serenity to noe the diffference. WOW im a holy gerl man. hhah oooooooops.i shld just join YSM now man (youth satanic ministry)= set up by gerd honz n all to counter ypm (youth praise ministry) the camp co-ordinator. haha anyway, since im back, must say a few tings to pple i missed. shout outs. ky bungbo:: hey dearrest. i missed u. thx fer ur countless msgs. i did miss u ok! anyway, believe god will lead u thru ur probs. okie? but dunt rely on me to much to c u thru aiightx? ct owaes b e one to carry u thru tings u noe. = sajon:: hey honey woney! i noe u miss me. cos im readin ur msg!haha but anyway, thx so muchh honz, yup. i miss u alot too. somehow i wish u wldnt. william:: heyy. thx fer the gift n card. realised its from u. thx. but pls dunt okie. its really nt necessary. n u dunt hv to b sorry.i totally understand. my babes at camp:: bel scully margaret mari michelle cecilia etc etc... i missed u all so much, thkx fer bringing me thru camp.loved the sharings n eating. sorry if i vomitted or fell sick so many times! i love u owaes. haha ypm pple:: thx fer holding the camp. loved it. but less PnW can? ahah tiring to jump lah. haha :) yo everyone else::: esp the usual gang like archie kevin nich!! daniel n all... miss u all lots. thx fer the fun n jokes u pple played. n gaying ard. haha all the time man! glad u all finally felt blessed. luv yas. to louwee n gang:: hv i told u lately tt i love u. hv i told u dere's no one else above u? feel my life wif gladness tk away all my sadness. ease my troubles tts wad YOUUUUU do. luv u all. mwaks -hugs-

prom was purrrrrrfecto!

k firstly, the evening at Meritus Mandarin began with all the usual lame games n prizes den dinner too. the best game was the boogie woogie tingy. haha we were like tripping endlessly on each other's skirts*coughcough* anyway, thk god after all the complications, i managed to squeeze into 4/9's table! wif the usuals. ILOVETHEM like hell. kk. our IJ gal... is... nice lah. walk ar the pois tooooo qiao alr. cant say mah. pple got training! :))) k den we had a hellava dance party/disco/cantmakeit-dancefloor/yuckks.but we had to leave at 12am. sooo... we all changed n met at the lobby to go party!!! prolly the last time many of us will actuallie meet each other so bondingly. sobssobs. anyway, we walked ard. my prom shoe was a blardie hell 4inches high pointees. so it hurt like fckkk. got 2 blisters now. *tears* anyway, there's a price fer beauty man. pukes. anywayyyyyy, we went acid bar den it was like, ok, nice ambience, but quiettt. den we luff loudly will feel guilty. wahaha. so we went Rouge. the 3 ugly/flirtateous-but frenly bounceRs were like promoting the oh-so-wonderful promotion. ladies nite...blahblah. free flow. no cover charge. allllll crappp. left acid bar fer that Rouge. yah k. so we walked in free but drinks cost an atomic BOMb. *boom* haha dennnnn we partied like mad. but linn had trouble. some guy was like holding her so farkking close n like crasping her arse k. f*ckker. dunt lemme c his farkked up face man! -defends linn- but im no better lah. kena like 2 times on the dance floor too. haha. den HOW PURRFECT rite, all the bungs xcept kahyee was drunkK! while the gals were dancing their nite away, the bungs kinda drank alotalot. so helena n candice (the bungs HAHA) got so drunk they were squarling all over each other n everyone else. haha linn kena by hel n me too k!! grrrrrs. biattccch. anyway, den we dragged them back. candice nicely lay on the dirty road. yuckks!! i was utterly grossed out ok! eeeeeeeek! haha but farnie to come to tink of it all.. hel went to the hotel in a cab. cand insisted on seeing sam only. hmmmmmm. ;) anihow, we went back. put them to slp den went dw to get snacks n normal drinks. it was annoying tat we had to leave a perfect party. but it was overall funnnn!!! haha :))) oh nt forgetting. qb was dead drunkk too. after chatting n walking all ard town ahhaha (hyperbole!), we went back to succumb to our restless souls. wahaha. we all slpt in 3 rooms. thx!!! hehe :) reached the hotel room at 5am?yupps. or later lah. haha we were all over the floor n bed. yada yada blah blah. ohh i slept bside qb!! my dearrrries. haha. she ar. sniffsniff sniff. aiyo. i took out my jacket n covered her already-covered body.haha. den, i froze to death in my mini tube top. haha but u noe i was constantly waking up to check on her. ooooooooh noooooo. hahaha nahs. anyway, poor qibbS~ i miss her alr. anyway, i kinda rushed home to go to church conf camp today. *yawn* i hvnt slept in days man, need beauty sleep. n anyway, just wanna say tt i had DE most enjoyable day of my entire life last nite. the memories i created yday will stay engraved on my palm n my heartt... n fer all u who actuallie cared soo much fer me, thx. we're no more IJians but we're no less IJ bimbs n all~ hahaha. oh well, time to move on. but NTH will beat this nite we shared. the 1st time we all never hid any misjudgement or discrimination... (perhaps only on oneeeeee issue =p) haha, gotta end. LATE fer conf camp. who careS? urghhh biatch la. anyway, i miss IJ n the pple in it, iloveyou guys. mwaks*** really. i do. -sobs- i cherish every moment of pain n happiness.of failure n success. of meeting n SEpArATiOn. we cant keep tings fer-eva close to us but we can only have memories n dreamS. so dunt stop dreaming babes. ilu all. esp youuuuuuuu ='( //hold on to OUR dream//

.whee.

im bored. came back from raffles place.dint buy ani friggin ting k.aniway, prom is in 2 days, no friggiin idea wads going on.anywae, nt in the mood to blog now.gg JB wif my mummy tmr, fancy gg shopping wif a oh-so-righteous stepmum who wil disclaim all faults unto me when my incessant dad complains bout her shoppin fetishh.shall b a gd gal tmr n listen to mie mummy EVEN when i noe im right. haiis. bleahs XP i hope prom nite is nt screwed fer me. i hope daddy noes i miss him. i hope he stops flying off everytime i try to talk to him. i hope i can c youuuuuuu tmr my dahlinks. i hope. i hope. sighs***

slimmmmmmming=faiL

went gym. im getting fatter, farkk. so pissed.

aniwae, stuck at home again. sighss. nth much to do without my atm card. still hvnt gotten it yet. so yeahs, my mum offered to pay fer my prom hairdo n mk up. but NO. i tink its stoopid *no offence* to do it professionally. im only gonna do it fer my frens like jess n carol. i mean, OK, u wanna look pretty n all or presentable, but LOok, this is a sentimental event. its meant to b warm n close-to-the-hearts, nt some modelling show. getting professional help is common, but wAiT, wats the use of all this dress up stuff? for a nite of promqueen fame? pls. no one will rembr u as the prettiest gerl ard. n bsides, u shldnt b wanting them to rembr u fer that rite? true beauty shld come from within. if ure remembered fer ur looks, its superficial, but if ure remembered fer how uve touched pple's lives, den gd fer u, ure one of the few remembered fer a gd cause.

sorrie. nt meant to offend anione. just feel like if i did the mk up n all wif profession help, i wld b rembr fer the wrong reasons. n i'll leave the ballroom emptyhanded, wif no memories worth keeping. so sec life has been quite a challenge wif enemies n oso frens, but at least im trying to mk peace wif pple i love. tho its difficult, im trying at least. wldnt wanna leave this place worried that someone is scheming an assault back home in spore ritE? haha. so yupps.. just a note::: mk peace wif those who hate u n u'll b rewarded. whether that person accepts the apology or not is nt impt. it only matters tt uve done ur part n God is waiting to embrace u wif the love u deserve.rite? so live life the rite way! we're all gg separate ways, we ct b hating each other fer ever, riTE? so nic n all, i noe ure nt reading this, but i nv hated u at all, so im sorrie, wish ud hear me. n tis. sorrie aiightx? ='(

Wo De Ai (My Love... by stef sun)

Wo de ai ming ming hai zhai
zhou sheng le cai ming bai
kuai ba xin fu zao hui lai
er bu shi ge zhi bian huai
wo hui zhai, yan hai di dai
deng zhe cao xi geng gai
song ni hui lai (shi zhe en ai)
yi zhou lu zhi dai
wei xiao de shen tai
qian li shi cong cong guo de
zhen ai

** I LOVE THIS SONG ABSOLUTELY. justtttt hearr it. n u'll see its nt cheenaa chingk at all. alritees. my sister say im hopeless when it comes to love sappy songs. i cant help tinkin bout the words. k even if ur chinese fail, at least just tink bout the simplest words, i belif u'll get it after awhile. damn. sweeeeet song man.**

yday was fun. den met sajon at nite. he came all the way to my hse to c me. haha bleahs. xP he got chased out. haha by guards. so he went home at 3.30am. haha sweeeeeeet guy. FINALLY a guy who's nt a farkking jerk fer once. biatch! well, aniway, just finished giving tuition. sooo frigging tired... im underpaid, overworked, undernourished, overstressed after the Os!farkk. the only reason im workin is fer experience sake n also cos my farkking atm card seems lost among my farrking frens. IM SORRY fer my vulgarity. but i want my farrking ATM card back my dear. return it before i burn every hair on urbody. *pukeS* bitch. NO. JERK.

im so scared bout the atm tingy u noe. tt im taking like almost 2 jobs. tuition(it suckz) n my daddy's gettign me stuff to do. so poor ting rite me? n worse still, my other atm card is almost subzerooooo man. haha (the lowest running balance ever!) thx to my uncontrollable shopping fetishhhh. -yummylicious- i miss my mummy. woke up today, rushed to check if the letter box has her mail. she hasnt talked, wrote, or seen me fer a yr plus 2 yrs alr. ((mummy ni zhai na li?)) suddenly this mornin, i felt this urge to check if she's still healthy n living well. dunno y. i just feel like i've lost her somewhere along our lives. n i ct seem to find some connection wif her. mummy. ((hui lai))

FREAKKKK. just got a msg from youu. says she ct go JB animore cos her dad last min dunt let. shit. \\tears// somehow everytink seems like its agst us. i dunno. just feel like the aussie ting too. same feeling/reaction i get when i c her msg. feel like i dunt wanna read it, in fear it'll disappoint me again. *time can break ur heart, mk u beg n bleed* buttttt NO WORRIES! (tts my famous phrase now) ---beeeeg smile--- just need ta smile when the world puts u down. n it'll b ok. ritE?? ... ... yupps. tt's rite.

miss me?

wadda shit. wads wif pple gettin all sensitive bout my bloggie? get a life. this is MY blog fer a reason. n basically... my tots r all in it. sooooo...no comments pls. THANK U very much.

wells, a little bored now. went fulltime shopping today from 9am/10am till like 5pm litat. haha den went to mass. cooL. took nice pics!! haha i mean neos. n... it was purrrrfect! oh yeas, i bot alotta stuff today....

-jeans
-tube top
-pink heels
-sisters bday gift (some charmbracelet)
-short demin skirt

haha spent bout a &100 ++++ today/ hahha tmr's just another day! well, gonna shopp like mad da whole damn week! haha. well, i miss my atm card. *those who noe bout this shit, SHHH!* hahas, well, tuesday gg JB wif meggies to shop! haha actually gg overseas fer a few hrs wif someone i lurveee!! haha. okie. getting too excited. wells, gtg eat my jie's bday dinner. haha. byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. mwaks.i dunno... im getting paranoid bout my weight n fats tt r spilling outta my clothes. hahaha. well, anihow, hope everyone's happy today! jsut like i m... cos when the world's happy, rachel's happy too! :))) lameo. haha listen to stefanie sun's Wo De Ai. i really can relate to it. sighssssss. love it. its obut her finding happiness she lost. n bout how she sent the guy back. sighsssss. damnn sad. pls hear it! -mwaks worlddddddd-

A hAPpY dAy aGaIn!! =pPp

-=it hasnt been easy trying to tell youu wad i feel.but u dunt gimme a chance to explain how much youu meanT to me=-

kkk. gave tuition today. den went out wif meggs n linn. my dearies! miss them both alreadie... aniwae, den we shopped. the only freakin thing ive bot so fair is a pendant fer sarah BABE! her bday's yday. ohhh yeahs, n i spent 3/4 of my freaking shopping money on cabs n food. wtf rite. i hate money. it ruins pple. haha. oh wells... anihow, went ard n linn left. den me n megs got bored of shopping at heeren tat we left fer HV's Baden n crystal jade. -yummylicious-. alrites. aniwae, met meggs frens n her bro's frens too. haha. well. they were screwed lah. haha dunno wad 007 game they played hahah.wells, i DO have smtg to say.. but i dunno how to. i mean it sounds by itself... wrong. \\\\\\okok. shall keep mum bout it. n dunt bug me fer it! ='( u noe, i dunt even noe wad im feeling. im kinda stuck in between. sighs.

anywae, MEG is so humble to ask me to blog bout her. or at least mention her... a million times. haha oh kkkk, well MEAGHAN rawks YOUR socks (nt mine) haha nah kidding, cos she does rawk mine :)))) oh wells, i dunno wad else to blog. other den i do almost everytink wif meggs. n i will always do everytink wif her! (n linn when she's dere wif us. miss u babe!) yupps.

**nt to mention, sam is super nice. must publically thk him fer being a gentleman to send me home first cos im a girL. btw, wads wif nice guys being either gay or taken?? NOT hinting lahh. just tinking bout it. tats y all the guys i noe r lousy. cos no one wants them,. sighs. haha kidding man. here i m, sitting ard, tinking bout wad my heart feels n i wonder wtf m i doing here. butt nahs, must stop hanging out wif guys. esp youuuuu, cos i dunt wanna fall fer anione i'll regret, nahhs. it ultimately is my loss, but at least i feel happy at loss... rite? shit. k wadeva.

((today we were drinking like a fish n u turned to ask me to stay. n i cldnt tell u i cant. cos ure so impt to me. n wads a future with one gurlfren less? -plus ure my only one!- but i guess it seems i need to find a life dere. n its gonna b realllllllll long. pls leave wif me. i'll promise nt to get together with ani guy or wadeva condition u want. pls? -tears-))

the f*cKKingg Os is overrrrrr.

wahaha not tat im verbally violent or wad. but me meg linn had the most wonderful time ydae together. i figured the 2 of them wouldnt b soooooo quiet. ended up talkin much more than me! haha. aniway, i kinda m angry at youuuuuuu. biatch just go away. darn it. anihow, went shopping in shorttt shorts. damnnn fun lah. haha. den. they left bout 11 n i met sajon (saee-june) haha. den we watched The Forgotten. lame but damnnnnn funny cos got alotta popping out stuff. oh yeas. Os is over Os is over. *lagging*

this was yday's schedule after meggs n linn left. watched movie. walked from town to holland there i tink...in the pouring rain. wahhhhhh, he held my hand i nearly died k. ohhhs. den we slept at the Windmill foodcourt outside there cos it was really pouring man. den woke up at bout 3 plus n it was stillll pouring. ohh. did i tell u he's kinda jerkie!? always trying to 'rape' me waahha. thx god i punched him. ohhh i slapped him too. but felt bad. cos i meant it to b like play play litat. but ended up having to apologise fer causing his face to have a cut n a blueblackk. sorrie honz! **
oh yeas. n then we stay up talking under the shelter till bout 5.30am. den walked to Jelita there n waited another hr fer a cab. i am drenched. got sick. den dropped him hme n went home too. lols.

so now im awake soo darn early. i slept fer 2.5hrs. but SOMEONE is STILL sleepin. bastard* lols. gotta give tuition now. haii i wanna work fer experience. but no where to work. shld i go work fer my dad. NAAAHHHHH, he sucks as a daddy-boss. haha. wells, gtg peeps. catchya later. mwahs* all u Os pple. freeeeeeedom. enjoy b4 JC. or u'll live to regret when we get down to da As!! hahah =)

wheeeeee. LAST friggin paper tmr.

thk god fer Os. ahha but im getting a little toooo worried cos heard from my stepmum tat all her nieces n nephews said it was toooooooo easy to b true. n SERIOUSLY, they r from a normal neighbhd sch. man. can u imagine i actually tot amaths was hard?? haha wad a loseR rite. well den... shows y i shld go aussie like riteeeeeee now. ahhaha

oh k. gotta keep this short n sweeet. gotta stardie chem. stardied wif meggs today. SHE MUGS. n its so annoyin smtimes when i try to sleep/slack but get guilty cos she's so hardworking. N she CLAIMS she hasnt started the textbk yet. like HELLO? where hv u been?? i hvnt started ANITINK. the onli time i looked at the chem book was in my dream bout failing chem. okie? so relax. i mean still stardie but LOOK ard. ure nt the last person who deserves a A okie? luvya.

k gtg now. really. btw, tmr is last paper. CHEM! wheeeee, haha i lurve hols. i miss you too. haas. jsut felt like blurting tt out. ... .. ..... cos i do. mwahs*

physics=over. allelujiah mannnns haha (sp?) well well, hope amaths is nt a killer. which is impossible but wtf lah. haha oh yeas... just read my frenster's testis. realise its like majorly sweeet la, haha n i hvnt even written fer pple. -terrible. nods head-. haha. ooooooh yah. i tell u damn farnie k! my class so screwed up k. last day of sch gg out to dunno where dunno when. so muchh fer cohesion yadayadablahblah. grrs. stoopid pple hv stoopid tots. aiyohs. OOOOOOH! do u noe.... waahhaha... tat i was soooooo happy to receive a msg at exactly 5.17pm saying some vehh sweeeet stuff. haha. i mean the minute i finish my papers he msgs me like so zhun lah! n asks bout my day n says he misses me. blah. OK. get tis str8, im nt so softhearted n i dun fall in luv to easily OKIE>..... or do i?

=)amaths sureeeeee die. but nvm. considering im not perfect in maths. haha i miss youuuu meggies. i guess meggies is my darlinkks la, so pple out there, i cant help it if i constantly remind u how much i do love her. she's sweet nice n pweety too! ha reallie ok!! -hmpf-

ooh yeahs. i must add today i m officially not gonna study much, come on lah, once the major papers r done, im thru wif books. n notes. burn fer all i care. let it burn. let it burn. wahaha. -evil grins- oh yea. i tink im highly capable of staying out of danger n keeping accident-free. so jon, RELAX. ive nv seen or heard someone soo scared of my falling down or fallin ill. yep but ure farnie lah. tink im so weak ar. bleahs! =PP

anyhow i must stardie now. gd bye n gd nites. -snores- im gonna sleep! hah k not contradictory wad~ sighs. *drained* have i told u lately tat i love u?

*tears in heaven*

//IM SO DAMN F*CKIN' PISSED//
yes i m!!! -tears- i dunt like youuuu, biatch okay! i wasted half my life just tolerating youuu. argh. k im nt angry actuallie, cos im sad. IM SAD, you hear me?, thx to youuu. msged me a whole lotta crap! i dunt wanna hear it.grrrrrrr. shit. i need meaghan. ='( i just dunt c y ure litat. which part of my reply do u nt get? i dunt understand really... how we ended up litat. sorry im nt hu u tot i was. mayb bcos i cant be who im not. go look fer someone else. someone u can mould the perfectt gurl into.

this is it mann. f*ckking sad now. Os is in abt 24hrs time n im worrying bout u. n how ure doing. shittt. F*CK! y m i bothering bout u when we just argued a whole lot? cos im nice~. UUUUH--- if i hv a knife, i'll carve out my pain on my skinn. if i hv a rope, i'll hang my sufferings away with every breath i lose, but i only hv a rosary, so i'll pray God'll tk my tears away as he protects u. F*CKK. i m startin to talk crap. hu ever said stress improves lives? UH i beg to differ. after reading yourr blog, i'll feel guilty of wad have been b4, but deres nth i can do if ure so adamant abt this whole issue. so this entry is especially fer youuu. i noe im unreasonable, but its only bcos i tried to accomodate u n i learnt its wasted wif time. n fer al the tings uve done fer me, i thank u. but i juz realised my tears hv dried from crying n trying endlessly all i can. so once again, thank u. hope u c tat love's nt wad u want it to be, but instead, wad two pple should be to bring out the best in each other. haii, smiling is nt my forte.*break free*

[[would u noe my name? if i saw u in heaven.
i must be strong n carry on,
cos i noe i dunt belong here in heaven.]]

lyrics by nelly. WHOA. damnnnnnnn sad

Cause its all in my head

I think about it over and over again

And I can’t keep picturing you with him

And it hurts so bad, yea

Cause it’s all in my head

I think about it over and over again

I replay it over and over again

And I can’t take it yeah I can’t shake it.Nooo

I can’t wait to see you, Want to see if you still got that look in your eyes

That one you had for me before we said our goodbyes

And it’s a shame that we got to spend our time

Being mad about the same things

Over and over again

About the same things

Over and over again

OhhBut I think she’s leaving

Ooh man she’s leaving,I don’t know what else to do

(I Can’t go on not loving you)

(Now that I’ve realized that I’m going down

From all this pain you’ve put me through

Every time I close my eyes I lock it down

oh I can’t go on not loving you) by Nelly. *DAMN NICE SIA*

esp fer meggs. my darlinkk!!

since ure nt here. here goes...

realise this color font is somewad ure forte?? haha wahaha. aiyah. *guilty* man.... but i reallly m waiting fer u to come back. not bcos ure the only one i supposedly talk to (haha) but cos i owaes prayed u'd b safe n sound. BUTT.... ure in HK! it sounds so unsafe esp just b4 the exams. wldnt wan u to get sick or wadsoever alrites?! shitt. someone who doesnt noe me n is reading tis will prolly tink im superrrly les. darn. BUT hey!! megs is my darlinkk warlinkks okay!!! mayb i nv said it. but it doesnt mean i dun feel it k! -pouts- haha. to come to tink of it, i never did tell her anitink nice to cheer her up fer Os or wadsoever. n youuu, my darlinkk, is prolly nv gonna read tis. argh. wadda shit. y i miss u so.

this blog entry is bimboly youu meggs. hoping ur safe n sound n everitink i wished u'd b. hmm... sighs. wadever the case, study hard fer Os. its the last few papers. gotta hang in there balls! n if u nid me, just close ur eyes, n say a lil prayer. ur angel will fly to lift u up on angel wings! n u'll tell her u need someone, n i'll tell u 'im here'. life seems to empty this week. my parents said its so listless n unproductive. but they dunt noe wad ive been doing inside:: ive been watching over youu meggie. ilu* more than everrrrr. mwaks dearr.

shucks

wtf. major wtf-ersss man. i hvnt started any sciences. WOW rachel. WELL done. biatch la me. freakkkk. so freaked out, coming to tink of it. haiis. n i still dunt noe wads gg on in phys. sighs.*deep sighs* yes yes. me=slack=die=confirm gg aussie. SIGHS.

oh yeas. i got a new fren!! his name is... -a Secret-. his race is... -a Mystery-. wahaha, but seriously, he himself is confused wif his own race. wahhah. oh yeas.. he's super nice to me lah. coughcough. but he's damn sweet n all. a typical NP guy. wahaha. yupps. *crosses fingers* hope he doesnt noe louwee n all. SIGHS.

im full of sighings. ahah gg cussie's hse nw to partee. tho the Os r still a day away, but nooooo smart me will still go out n ruin my life. haha. nvm. im doomeddddddd. yawn* cheese n crackerS~ i just realise i hav geog on WED! oh majorrly fucked man..
bye pple.no long nice entry today.my life has stopped its existance, here--> .

still... dunt.

yepps. its a saturday nite. returned home from studying at KAP den watched a movie at lot 1- THE InCReDiBLeS/darn good sia. oh yeahs, it was good. -yummy- but sinful. so we stardied again at lot 1 macs. damn been at macs since forever man. yucks-

haha. well, been relatively fun tryin to stardie. considering i hv a bunch of nonsensical, constant loggerheads, bleeding shits frens!! wldnt say its a bad ting, they rawk total absolute subby. wahah. yawn* xavier sucks. nahh. he's nice. but he still sucks. just learnt tt he's got total gentlemanly qlties. darn sweet! helped me in the rain. n he taught foster how to chase a gal rite. i was like WHOAAAAA. rawk on my prince! haha. well, tat's his nickkie. n leonard has hidden from us all a deep dark secret. -chuckles- if nt to give him face, i'd announce it over the webbie. nownow foster, no blushing.

convo btwn the 3 of us- i shall name it 'the misunderstooded'
me:: eh. wads the color of any indicator in alkali or acid.
xav:: (proving he din deserve a B fer chemistry) i noe. its colourless.
me:: oh. which one?
xav:: alkali.
me:: no. which indicator?
foster:: orange one.
me:: methyl orange?
xav:: (emphasising the words...) Screened methyl orange.
me:: wads the diff? same la.
foster:: no. its acidic
me:: wads acidic?
xav:: the phenolphthalein.
me:: wad?! tt's an indicator! its prolly even pinKK lah
xav:: (acting smart but nt quite getting my sarcasm) no its purple.
foster:: she was sarcastic.
xav:: oh so wads yellow?
me & foster:: (empathizing each other) HUH?
xav:: so wads the end pt?
me:: tt's the ting. u need a starting color.
xav:: methyl orange is orange(like i dint noe tt)
foster:: actually we dunt noe.
me:: ^-^"

u c... its nt tt im ego, but its stressful talking to SJI guys who just dunt get it. multitaskin is NOT their forte. stick to chasing gals at the Malcolm busstop la. ^_^"
sighs. i have a list of love songs i simplyyyy loveeee man. haha thx to xavier the smart arse.

ohh yeas. pple keep adding me on frenster. im laggin beeg time man. i anyhow accept accept. can die sia. deres this guy 'william' whose damnnnn hott man. den he added me. n he was NICE. haha den i saw his frenster. n it read... "my mel..." blAhblah. the usual 'ilubaby' msges to his gf n i thot to myself. wow. tat's a nice guy fer once. n he seemed to luv his gf soo much dat e thot of befrening him totally left mie mind. i cldnt cause any misunderstanding btwn them. rite?
n i bhind the pics of smiles n 'intended' bliss, i saw myself, falling hopelessly in luv wif some1 i can nEvEr keep. den i saw my reflection. i cldnt keep you. nt tt i din wanna. i cldnt.

shitttttt. off i go onto my lil tangents again. sssssshit. Lit is really getting to me man! freakkk. all you pple's fault. constantly bombarding me wif retarded stuffs. pouts- me=feeling horrible now!! seeing so many pple together like pairs n all.... even xavier's getting annoyed me n him r left out from the COUPLE section. wahhhaah. *bows in reverence:: Lord, i dunt wanna b alone again* kk. done my hourly prayer!! hhaha (yeaaaa) isit me or isit u just dunt see me?

its the hardest ting i ever haf to do

to look u in the eye n tell u i dunt love u

its the hardest ting i ever haf to lie

to show no emotion when u start to cry.

-slobs=of=sobs-

dunt noe. thx alotalot kyx. my bungbo. wahaha i mean, it was sweet n pleasant u came all the way here. i noe ure nice. *coughcough*but u noe, i reallie cant promise u anitink rite now. quite tight on my schedule along wif studying. i... guess wadeva has to wait right now honz. yupps X(

ooooookie, back to life. well today,. i ct said i was darn happy lah. YOU bloody hell shld noe y. uh. sorrie. im nt in a gd mood. so im venting it on youuuuu. in any case, i must announce that cutting oneself is stoopid. yes . this means ure stoopid. -points- u in particular. rite... okayy, i c... so u cut urself hoping the world wont c? whoaho. Rite. well done. y do i bother talking u outta ur puny lil' grey matter?/ uh/ wads left of it. no biggie rite? i mean its a cut. very puny, small, insignificant slit,... rite. n fer ur info. i only react litat cos i tink its right i show a LIL concern fer u as a fren. no no.mayb ure nt happy wif life n wad it brings u. well, whoaho welcome to planet earth. where hv u been?

been searching too hard, trying too long to try to get some sense into u, i dunt noe, mayb im meant to be just this gerl who'd waste my effort trying to pull u back to earth. nothing more.

yummy =P

wahahah. i got a newwwww bloggie. wheee... okie, contented i got a nice lil com n bb getting on. *phew* im backkkkkkkk.

.i dunt noe. i guess i will get over you.

yeeeeeeepppie. wahaha. im evil (according to xavier).haha wow. i actualllie studied a chapter of physics. yippie. well den, time to slack. Os is here. yes its kiling me. i shouldve just remained holy n study like a nerd, den i wont be here now. mourning my impending death. well well, doesnt matter much now. haiis. im addicted to the song STILL! damnnn shiok ar. haha nah. its really sweet. if i ever have a chance to sing it to someone, I WILL! haha. so darn nice man. cos... i STILL... *sings out LOUD*... i do.