NEED TO UPDATE!!

still no internet back in browns
useless shit.

oh wells.
hope everyone is doing fineeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.
(:

last night,
me n fina n my 3 hot neighbours had a drinking session
at my place.

it was soooooo wasted. we were plastered and totally not bearable.
AND THEN R. the oldest, married bro was being STUPID and careless.
thats all im gonna say. *mumbles*
so basically had a weird time dealing with my nextdoor neighbour every morning.

and J was a total prick this week.
and nw he's trying to redeem himself. bad attempt.
hope he gets over himself soon.

fucktards

i must hv been blind.

i realise jst how happy i am to be ALONE in melb.
with no worries for others.
no care.
nt even for myself.

i cannot be fucked if another is tired, sick, and basically in need of dire care.
COS I DNT GIVE 2 FUCKS ANYMORE.

im carefree.
no peace of mind but who cares,
honestly.

J is comin' laters.
but WHO CARES. SERIOUSLY WHO GIVES A DAMN.
im better off with myself.
in my house with my hsemate.
with my conscience.
IN MY WERLD.

its not about who's right or who's wrong
its not about who's weaker or who's strong
its not about who's innocent or who's fault
it aint even bout that kinda thing at all
its not about who was she, who was he,
who's creepin on who.
wont matter if the both of us lose
its really not bout nothing
except for me and you.

its all bout drama and love and lationships.
and when the going gets tough, you deal with it.
you dont ever, you NEVER walk away frm it
hold on,
be strong.
its all bout drama and drugs and making it
if youre somebody messed up
then you jst dig it in
dont let nobody come between you
you jst stick with it
hold on. hold on. holdddd on.

its not abt the stupid things we say
we're always saying stupid things anyway.
its not about the secrecy or the lies
girl everybody's got their secret to hide
its not about who's done, or did it,
or didnt do.
wont matter if the both of us lose
its really not bout nth.
except for me and you girl.
-babyface.

CUZZIE IS COMING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

yay yay yay
my cousin IAN BINNY is coming to melb to visit muahh
YAYYYYYYYYYYYY!

anyhoww
big woots!
(:

easter sunday with me? YEAHHHHH.
good easter. heheh.
looks like i gotta start studying now for the exam!!
OH FUCK. im fucked. (not literally)
OH WELL.

andddddddddddddddd i gotta stop smoking for a while.
OH SHITTIE!
lalalallalalalallaal

im pissed.
seriously.
if a guy hangs out INCESSANTLY with his ex, does that mean anything at all?
and when he leaves you in a rush for her,
does that mean anything at all?

i cant believeeeee andrew thinks im being whipped.
COS IM NOT DREW.
check your conscience you stupid cow.
yes and thats my new line- stupid cow.

i love cows. cow-tipping is fun.
oh wait.
random. -emoness-
spongebob 24-7 does things to ppl.

i love you too. eternally.

save me.

nth to blog abt.
besides the update that today is pants off friday.
no more pfe cos' a fellow medical student has sadly moved on with life.
):

i swearrr i have the worst luck with living.

oh yessss.
logic dear is coming back today frm bendigo.
DONT REALLY WANNA SEE HIM THIS WEEK.
things are getting a lil way outta my hand
and i wish i could rewind time
and NOT fuck tings up with the one i had and loved and was loved by.

and im sorry.

but other than that,
i'll be seeing J as well. aft lectures.
andddd hope we dont end up punched in a fight with each other.
i have literally 6 blueblacks (with utterly NO exaggeration)
on my leg frm having a fist fight with him.
ughhh.

we neverrrrrrrrrrrrr get along well. NEVER.

and maybe i was too hot tempered yday night
but I DROVE ALL THE FUCKING WAY DOWN TO HOPPER'S CROSSING
which is fucking far btw (almost the other end of melb)
jst to pick him up
and
he leaves in abt an hr (or less)
alllllllll the way back to hoppers,
JUST when i needed him most. thats a bitch yeahh?

oh shite!

STILL NO INTERNET back in browns.
cant really update.

on tuesday.
J my neighbour i call BUDDY *&*I#^*&%^W!@
STEAMCLEANED my whole hse.
what a darling.
he alr did my backyard. (:
anddd he's polishing my car on fri.

BTW im not making use of him ok.
he's a clean freak (he's philo- get the drift?)
well yeah.
basically- im bored.
i study 24-fucking-7
and i got no freaking idea what for.
seriouslyyyyyy.

i drove 3 hrs to bendigo and back (another 3 hrs) to send logic back home cos he got into a car accident and his car was totalled.
how sad right. yes. so im being nice!
and nw he prolly thinks i feel smth for him. SHITOMAN!!!!
ohwells.
god forbid.
i better be a gooddddddd girl!!

anywaysssss im in the lib and i shldnt be using the net for INAPPROPRIATE reasons,
so im gonna go.
but dont miss me,werld!
rach will be back! with the fastest, more not- retardest internet wifi shit ever!!
wahahhaha.

-ok stress gets to you-

oh i tell u!! my cussie might visit me during easter.
he's nv been abroad before, really.
so its gonna be greatttttt.
and im gonna be his tourguide.
hopefully i dont FLUNK my exam the week aft that. wahaha.
ok.
gonna start studying for holy's sake! (:

someone save me frm myself.

loveless-.

I DONT UNDERSTAND WHAT YOURE SAYING LIONEL.

pls tell me again what you mean.
write it in a letter.
your blog is driving me nuts.
i cant understand who or why youre putting urself up in a fix for-
forgiveness?
for what?
what did you do?
OHHHH WAIT. i might jst figure this out.

if the 'guilt, shame, regret' and all that is for her
as i am thinking right now,
then IM SORRY.
but i jst dont get why now.
why when im in the greatest shittt ever with random annoying guys.
(lemme mention, its not just 'GUY')

whatever the situation pls talk to me.
IM LOVELESS- not you dear.

incapable of loving or being loved.
thats my line rembr.

fina's bday bash was realllllly good.
MORE turnups than expected.
plus the ppl were funny.
tho my carpet is stained with candle wax and lotsaaaaa chocolate mousse.
and cigg smell and alcohol spews,
everything else was fine.
hah.

wasted night.
anddddd a new hot hottt eurasian (jap + czech) friend-
Sho.
OH MAN. to droll over and die for. wahhaha

no internet- no blogging.
all i can say is....

i miss meggg and belly and all others like my sd club and all.
cant really blog im in uni and coms are meant for work so....
yeshh.
so much loving and missing you guys!
i got so much to update!

jst knw that im lost between a hundred guys (with a wee bit of exaggeration)
and i need major counselling. (i swear to god)
(:

today is fina's bday bash!!at my ho0use.
so lotsa booze weed and bbq meat. yummylicious.€€
all you ppl, COME. dont be lazy or retarded.
its the weeeeeeeeeekends!!!
(:

i realised im hididng my emoness very well,
dontcha say?
(:
well to sum it off,
im depressed. jst when you tink you cld live in utter harmony with oNE love of your life,
a few hundred stroll in,
like its not even funny. ughhh

someone counsel me and slap me pls
i got a hot eye candy + a hot neighbour. both of which are staring in my bloody face.
thank you god, but that was my wish 874265278 years ago!!!!! arghhh.

in the library.

havent blogged in ages.
i knw i knw -shakes head-
basic update!
bel is gone. (oh you figured)
andddddd fina n i are gooooooood.

LOTSA drinking nights in our neighbours hse across my lawn.
yes convenience should be illegal i swearrrrr.
andddd alot of partying to do!
viks party was nice. simple. tho somewhat complexed.

having a biggggggggg party at my place on fri night 7pm till sat morn.
all invited (who knws fina) cos' its her bday bash.
WOOT!
cant wait ehhhs.
anddd yes,
im still talking to my HOT HOTTTT nieghbour (or so i claim)
and to logic as well. tsktsk.

three's a crowd. i swear to god.
i shldve known better.
and to all who is wondering where the fuck i disappeared to for a few days here and there,
im bz messin' up my life.
yes,
thankyew for the concern.

I WANT BELLY !!

ohhhh man.

bel's gone. big whoop!
i cant believe she's really goneeeeeeee.
i drive alone. to aimless places.
with aimless ideas.
i wish bel was still here.
and maybe we're childhood buds,
thats why i miss her so much.
but lemme jst say that
these 18 days were a-blessin' and i wish i had the chance to reallyy say i loveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee you belly.

and another 15 years down,
i'll be lovin' you.
------------------------------------

ALOT OF FUCKING WORK TO COMPLETE.
these last 2 weeks was totally work-less for me.
omgggggggggggggg. fucked up.
tmr is yet another presentation thingo.
oh shitties.

UPDATE!!!!!!!!!!

gg clubbin tonite at Platform 1. ooosh
cant wait. its reallllllllly gd.
only thing- im gg with both LOGIC AND J.
oh great
and for those who are lost in regards to J,
he's my hottttt philipino-aussie neighbour.
who's dropdead gorgeous
and utterly IN.

butttttttttttttttt oh well,
im keeping my fidelity up! (: yes yes.
hope all goes well tonight.AND bel's leaving tmr. BOO!
sniff*
cant wait to see logic. gosh!!!!

oh btw logic is a botswanian/tho fair guy. hahaha

veryyyyy nice. my lil date-r, we shall call him.
he's soooooooooo funny
and absolutely worth waiting 5 days a week for him to get back frm his rural placement in Bendigo.
OH BOY! (:

and to L, my oochie koochie only one,
i miss you and im sorry.
i wont msg too much so you dont tink im intentionally trying to lead you on.
but i miss you sooooooo much
and if only you were HERE.
oh god, i wouldve been shot for good, baby.

sorrrrrrrrry

when you start to miss someone else,
and you call him yours, other than YOUR OWN,
you knw its wrong
and shouldnt be forgiven.
i made a massive mistake
and i am sorry.

i loved TRULY before with all myyyyyyy strength
and mayb i lacked faith to get me thru loneliness.
but * i need a guy thats mine all mine * too.
understand that im not loose-
hate the sin, not the sinner. rembr?

irreparable.

doesnt anyone else make mistakes anymore?

i guess its not my part to be feeling so shitty
cos others wld prolly be WORSE.
but for the sake of my conscience thats eating me frm the inside,
i jst wanna say a small sorry.

sorry may nt be enough for someone like you.
someone who deserves EVRYTHING i have got to give.
someone who treats me A star with no other complaints.
i wish to say i DIDNT want it bad enough,
but i did and i wont lie to you.
it was a friday night- a typical one out in the city
at F four club.
and all 3 girls were vying for untold attention to be loved.
and maybe i am wrong,
but im honest abt it.
and i only wanted what i needed so badly months monthssssss back.
oh god,
dont punish me with guilt. its working.

and so,
im sorry.
forgive me again.
i made such a bad mistake.

forgive me.

nw that things have reached this stage
this point in my life,
all i am worthy to say is-

i wil work hard.

face the shit facts of life
and accept it with courage.

oh god forgive me.
i cant stop crying.

imuuuuuuuuuuu*

uni today is nice.
tho longggggggggg hrs in btwn.

we had a CVS lecture fer an hour
and a 6 hr break till 3pm.
yes do the math. the fucking longgggggggg math.

ohwells
i called my oochie koochie this morning at 6AM (: (: (:
wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
and i miss u alr dear.

call me soon and i'll be waiting hor! (: cant waitttttttttt man.
(ok was that ironic?)
home nw wastin time.. hah.