unsickly love.

this is a pic of how i was gonna cut my hair like. only diff was that i wldve dyed my hair red. (not streaky blonde)

butttt lacking the courage to part with my long hair, i didnt cut it off.

anyhowww. ive had a bad week. anyone who has seen me wld be able to tell how SHIT my week is. (to be precise- my health)

(being a med student) i refused to see a gp for the plain fact that i knw what sickness i got.
its written alll over my face- TONSILITIS.

the classic symptoms.

and i tolerated it for 4 days (of HIGH FEVER every night + swollen tonsils) till i finally went to Monash Clinic for a check.
and indeed, it was tonsilitis.
i went to the doc jst to get the antibiotics prescription (thats all. not to reassure me that my med skills is stil intact. hehe)
ANYWAY
im STILL sick as shit and my voice is going.
i cant speak with wincing with pain upon swallowin my saliva with UTMOST nociception. heh.
and wake up COUNTLESS times at night to make sure i didnt choke on my tonsil :S cos' it feels like its lifeless and... well... sick.

the worst part of this ordeal (as trivial as it seems to thee)
is pyrexia (yes, layman, my high fever).
it was a soaring 39.6degrees av everynight (assuming it fluctuates)
and i kept tahaning it for 4 whole days.
you knw, that sull feeling you get-
like the whole werld is freezing (when its 34degrees outside)
and you wrap yourself in 984276465 blankets but nth , absolutely NTH, keeps you warm enough?

yes i had that for 4 nights and
i never felt so sick before.
even with a raging car accident and crutches and STRESS and what not-
i've never felt so weak and helpless.

but every suffering has its payoff-
i had Dimmy boy over every day to take care of me. (:
to get me water and what not (in the middle of the weeeee night)
to cover me with the blankets that i dominated ): sorry babyyyy.
to warm up my FROZEN feet with his warm warm hands.
to massage my lower back + limbs + forehead every dayyyy.
to remind me of my daily schedule (so i dont miss work).
to call up clinics to get an appointment for me! (:
and to convince me that im fallible as a medical student and i cant keep 'curing' myself. (:

and thats why im getting better bit by bit.
thank you my babyyyyyyyyy Dm. (:
iloveyouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu.

ohboy.
what will i do without you.

ohhhhppl. listen to Shakira's Illegal. awesome!!

slight distaste.

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
i jst woke up. (which its 3.30PM btw)
slept 17hrs or smth. ERGH what a wasted day!!
and now, i cant go chaddy to shop for my xmas stuff for sg.
SHIT!
and to mk matters worse,
today is my ONLY day off frm either of my work. SHIT!!!!!
): ok im sad.

tmr, supposed to meet rasha ken n all.
hope it actually happens cos' i really miss them.
REALL REALLL missing.

and to meiiiiii::: have you gotten the stuffs yet??

ooh ohh oooooooooh

watched dimmy at soccer today at monash.
yes the biggggggg competition yet... i tink...
ermm...
he got 3rd place out of 12teams. wooooooot! (:
anddddd ...
i met my major eyecandy frm indoor soccer in taylors college.
yesssssss.
oh goshhhh. lets call him A. (:
anddd i rembr walking past this hot HOTTTTT guy in uni in feb 06 during orientation
and i was jst tinking bout it allllllll night.
(until of cos... 28th feb... when J n i had smth gg on)

ANYWAYYY *blanks j out of my mind*...
YEAS and when i saw that hot hot guy again,
i realised he was A.
and i rembrd why i was always so googoo over him last yr.
how i went EARLY on friday nights (rusdi's futsol games)
jst to catch a lil glimpse of A.
and today- i saw him and actually TALKED to him.
and that kept me smiling (like a total idert) for the rest of the arvo.
untill... of cos... i met my dimmy.
and the story goes.

but im glad i met A again.
cos' it got me wondering if he'd ever forget me,
and if he didnt- why not.
you see, me n A date back longgggggggg longggg time ago (ok fine. not THAT long)
and we always had the ways but didnt have the will to try to work anythin out ... even as close frens.
he was the kind you cld call out any time and he'll still be there.
he's the one you wanna drive all the darn way across melb to meet when youre down and real fucked up.
you see,
he's the ohhhh and the ahhhs.
the one you'd run a mile in a sec for. (:

butt evry gd day has its end.
and i had to leave for work. erghhh waitressing's a bitch! ):
hurt my foot and burnt myself 359827984 times.
roarrrrrr!! ):

OOOHhhh. listen to Shakira's "Illegal" its sooooo fuck good.
and ermmm. aussie idol is DAMIEN! (: YAY YAY YAY.
go d/l his latest single- "night of my life" AWESOME IDOLLLL> (:

ohh 2 ppl proposed on radio today.
got me tearing. (mayb im jst some emo b*tch)
but it seems like my dream of getting married young and blahblahhh is all jst turning up agst me. ):

yarghh

i am bored.
noooo im still working today. but not yet.
only at 6-11pm,
*YAWN*
been working SEVEN days per week.
YESSSSS.
omg. to tink i would die of boredom during the hols.
nw im dying frm overstressful events. like work.
(which shld be GONE during hols. oh well..)

oh yes.
anddddd i finally got a few presents done.
i havent partied since exams.
mayb a few pfes here n there.
bt no clubbing which saddens me.
i feel deprived.
anyhow.
hope tmr is a better day. and scully, yes its rigor mortis. but thats what happens when you die. hahah

WORKAHOLIC

recovered (finally) from my emoness.
the dwellin in uncalled-for misery of a loss.
S:

today i worked 2 times- one as a lunch waitress.
the other as a nanny.
OMGGGGGggg im soooooooooo fuckin' tired now.
i could eat a whole cow (if i had the option)
(:
sigh.

nv thot, for once, that i'd have to resort to working my bum off
in an attempt to let those i love have a nicer christmas.
but its worth the while
and it comes to a point when i realise,
jst how much i can take in one day- to make those special to me smile for more than a second.
and i tink to myself-
i love you guys too much!! (:(:(:

ohyes!! i received the letter of the year frm GERARD R WILLIAMS.
my dearrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrest.
reading everything with utmost modesty,
i am awfullyyyyyyyyyy glad to receive your letter.
your effort, and your exceptions tt you had to mk for me.
and all the things you said you'd do-
like one- wait for me to return home no matter your schedule.
two- write to me no matter how much you hate letters (:

sweetheartttt i've got you on my mind now! (:(:
and ilu* you knw i always do.

im glad im nt in sg YET.
cos as much as i miss her. and everyone in it,
i need my daily dose of dimmy and all my med pple!
(: i cant wait till tmr,
when i get to meet sweeeeetiepies like alex, ken, maybe mark and all of them.
MY DEARSSSSSSSSSS. imu* all. come home frm interstate n hols quick pls! (:

emo attack!

i shall type this is grey. to further emphasize the regretted nostalgia im feeling right now.-

--------------
do you ever feel like you are physically near a person,
but yet so far away.
like there was never a connection to begin with.
and all the pain of watching that person walk away frm you each time.
yet you cant say a thing.
do you ever feel the need to touch him?
cos' there's no other way to feel him inside.
and when its all over,
you regret not doing anything to get him back.
and if you DID do smth, it was too much to take?

i feel like i blew him away (adversely)
with how much love and pain i felt inside.
like i had no pride left to cover up my flaws
and i let him see thru me- with eyes wide shut.
i feel like i stooped myself so low,
to the extent that after he left, i was lower,
lower than ever.
i could taste the earth- thats how low.
and when i hope to move on,
i see him and i feel like its starting all over again.
and i jst CANT move on,
cos' theres no where else to walk-but towards you.
the reason each morning- i wake up to a smell so familar-
like our usual pancakes or toast.
but when i walk down to savour my breakfast,
its not there.

so it was all in my head, was it?

now i start to have olfactory hallucinations.
and it scares me that i have had visual and audio hallucinations too.
i see you at night, no wait, youre not coming back.
i hear you call me on the dancefloor.
no wait, it wasnt him. it wasnt my name.
im scared that i dream of you so much
i wish you'd disappear. and finally when you do, i cry myself awake-
ahh. yet another day without you.

-----
i dont jst randomly hv emo posts.
but i read someone's blog.
someone i prayed would get least of you.
and now it seems to be hopeless.
the idea that you always want what you cant have,
and yet you still go all in for it.

J.
my history was written bcos of you.
maybe even B. (my fav daoni) stands close to you
but i chose the latter.
and im so happy i have dim now to walk me thru' this time.
this time of celebration and enjoyment.
i mourn us. i mourn you.
cos' i didnt deserve what you did.
and you'll still have the honor of breaking me down.
for the first time.
but i wish she could see what you really are, and choose otherwise.
she is smart and innocent- someone undeserving of your uncontrollable dick.
and i hope she knws jst where you've been.

nice house, nice family, nice car. - it doesnt matter to me.
i used to want those things.
i used to want you.
but now it turns out, you DONT have a nice house, cos' its jst expensive bricks and paintjobs with vast space, which could be used more efficiently for other impt things.
and you DONT have a nice car,
cos' one day you'll lose your independence to speed.
and you DONT have a nice, easy, rich life,
cos' you dont have principles or morals or values to live by.
you just quote them frm a bible
and you forget what they are.

and i stopped wanting you.

home. again.

YAY this is a good day.
woke up at 1pm.
hmmms.... gonna get some pancake mix for brunch! (:
YUMMYLICIOUS PANCAKES.
yum yum! (:

and im waiting for dim to come.
hmmmpfts. gettin impatient. haha. (:

oh yeahhhh.
i have NO WORK today . fina-fucking-lly. (:
got 2 jobs- nanny and waitress.
thurs (tmr)
- lunch waitressing at 12pm.
-nanny mitchell at 4.45pm.
WAHHHHH not stressed what!):

sigh*
i shld be enjoying melb before i get home to the oven.
): i cantttttttt wait to get home.
see all of u. (:
ohyes. uploaded a pic of a maltese.
the dog im gonna get to accompany me next yearrrr. (:
CUTE RIGHT?? hehe.

(ok obviously i have ran out of things to blog abt)

YUCKIE PPLE.

HONESTLY,
some pple have NTH ELSE BETTER TO DO.
period.

and my day is, yet, ruined again.

esp to my fav MEI- marilyn khng.

-this is my mei. only mei. (: MWAHHHH*
MEIIIIIIIIIIIIII *screams*
thanks a milllllllion for helpin me get the stuff.
(paiseh)
S:
sorry i called sooooo late. forgot the time difference.
and i hope your exam went well TODAY (:
A levels. last paper for u right?
GOD BE WITH YOU ALWAYS mei and i hope you get into the uni you want.
and even better- COME TO AUST.(: stay with me ok.
hahah..

anyway thank you mei for everything. ilu* to the ends of the earth and back!
(: mwahhhhhhhhhhhh*

and yes, youre always my fav and only mei. (:

BAD SKIN day.

can some1 when nice skin pls tell me what they use?
i honestly have REALLYYYY BAD SKIN this yr.
i can pose for the "before" pic in curing acne.
erghhhs.
):

today- no plan.
mayb clean up the hse abit here n there.
and wait for dimmy to finish work at ard.... 7pm!
yesh. so i have... 9 hrs to kill..
oh yay. -looks ard the empty hse-
okay thats it.
i need a roommate
before the silence in this hole kills me.
andi realise smth- i havent smoked or drank alc in like.... MONTHS.
firstly,
i was more than a casual fagger,
then,
i was more than an alco.
i was THE alcol.
so i need my daily dose of ciggs n' fags now.
fine, to admit,
its cos i have nth else better to do.

SMTH PLS HELP MY COMPLEXION.

i'll jst be proving myself wrong that j DIDNT leave me cos' of my complexion. (which he did btw)
and now,
i hate my dermatologist more than anyone.
(oh besides j. haha)

coming home sooooooooon.
(: wait fer me ppl. (:

2nd day at work.

as you can read (youre not illiterate),
its my SECOND day as a waitress.
i wish i cld tell you how much better at this i am than on wed.
and how much better my period cramps are than on wed
everythingggggg is right, than on wed.
and i thank god for this.

but still,
the devil never lets the innocent have a good day without throwing in some realllyyyy fucked up shit.
so to speak,
i did a few blunders,
was scolded a couple of times,
i had TIPS! for once.
and i enjoyyyy workin cos' i knw my mummy's getting her health as im getting the hours. (:

im home alone these days.
you see,...
dim's mom thinks that he shd go home evry day
(respect, maybe.)
and he himself feels bad.
so now, he goes home on the daily,
and I, on the other fucked up hand,
stay ALONE in this spider-infested, fucked up hole
with NO food and NO life.
and may i add,
the waitressing job is NOT helping.
clearly!!

okok i gtg to bed now.
its 2 am and my complexion is wasting. ):

good night werlddddd.
ilu* allllllllllll.

SDintro.

just a nostalgic pic of us in july.
i present our SD Exclusive club. (:
tsktsk.

lemme intro you to them.
(:
frm top right: Linnie, our lowest clerk possible. (you see, the more SD, the higher the rank. go figure)
top middle: xinyie. our president.
top left: stefffffff dear, on-&-off manager
bottom right: candice, somewhat SD (if u tink abt it), hence- our COE
bottom left: me! (rach!!), admin staff (:

but overall- these are my girls (: my babes.

pain.

im sad.
had the WORST day at work yday.
first day as a waitress went BAD.
was scolded 3456789 times in one min
and btw the pay is WAYYYYY below the min labour wage
and IM NOT complaining,
so by right, they shldnt too.

becos brighton is one of the richest areas ard,
the tips are generous.
a customer who liked MY service
tipped me 50 bucks.
(now... thats almost 60 sg$ and is wayyyy more than my daily salary)
and the bitchmanager jst conveniently TAKES it frm my pocket
and claims all the tips of the day.
now THATs an italian bitch for u.
ERGHHH.

soo i try to be nice.
but to no avail.

was let off at 9pm.
not too bad. an early night.
decided to go down to monash soccer team to surprise dimmy.
ohhh u see, its our 2nd month on the 15th.
so i went down- bearing in mind that i have not eaten or slept the whole fucking day-
and nooooooo he continues to play wayyy over the time
and i have to starve for a while.
):

THATS OK. cos' in reference to the rest of the YEAR,
i tink that was very minor. (:

thennnnnnnn..
im supposed to go to Mount smth (forgot the name)
to pick strawberries.
yes.
and guess whattttttttttttt-
i HAD to have my period righttttttt this morning.
ROARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.
nvm the f*cking blood-
the CRAMPS was unbearable.
seriously.
i shall declare today the 2nd worst Cramp day in my entire life.
so i curled up in my bed, freezing my bum off, hungry frm yday,
and no food- no money (intended to draw some today)- no energy (from all the crying)- no hope.
and DIMMY BOY nicely goes to the strawberry farm anyway.

ookok
im in no position to question or doubt.
no position to expect or attach.
and definitely no position to request he stay.
but honestly,
(in all modesty)...
i felt my womb was gonna explode.

after that happened (linn & tiff & meg u will knw what im talking abt)
the dr said periods will be VERY pain
aka more blood, more cramps.
and soooo,
u can jst imagine how my head is spinning at this point.

im sad today.
not that im hungry, or lonely, or broke, or STILL NEEDING TO WORK AT a chinese restaurant, or home-sick.
its the fact that tmr is aaryanna's 1 month.
and im home alone with NO ONE,
whilst my punani churns out its own story.
its the fact that the oh-so-faithful boyfren
can bear to watch my mourn out in pain and still walk away
you NEED to pick strawberries??
the girl who practically lives on strawberries NEEDS to pick them,(me).
not a guy whose gf is praying she wont pass out frm the loss of blood
and the lack of food.

and to conclude my dwellin',
happy 1 month aaryanna. you're missed.
and i think of you EVERYDAY that i breathe
and wish i could meet you one day.
i rembr your smell. your shape.
i rembr your color. your face.
and i will rembr you ....

pinocchio

OK so we alllllllll grew up
with the pinocchio story
abt how lying gets us NOWHERE.

but today-
at the baystreet job interview,
i lied abt nt gg back
and it got me a job!
yes pple, they employed me!!!
buttttt like every villain's telltale,
it gets them into a BIGGER mess.
and relevance to myself?

nw i cant quit in time to leave melb
i have SHIFTS over xmas AND new year.
i have a pay only DUE after those days.
so what did i bring upon myself?
NOTHING but mess.
so learn by example pple (for those soon to work)
never lie to your bosses. (or soon to be boss)
and seriously,
if you cant get a job, go on contented that you tried at least,
and not dealt with your unwillingness to accept it by lying
to try to prove a point.
cos' the only thing youre gonna get- is more shit than the one youre already stepping in.):

teddy grahams for breakkie! (:

i knw i knw..
its a random post.

buttt today is a big day for my work experience (:
hehe. yet ANOTHER f*ckin interview to go to.
hmpffs.
this time its Bay st Grill & Pasta.
god pls let me work soon.

hmmms.
hope theyre nice.
im all dressed up now. (: haha
felt like the time i had an interview for med. S:

oh well
im having TEDDY GRAHAMS (honey) for breakfast!
yummmylicious! (:
and orange juice.
ahhhh. finally eating.. *checks watch*
omgggggg its lunchtime.
S:
RIGHTtttt. looks like my breakkie plan ISNT working.
ahhhh wth.
WISH ME LUCK!! (:

We'll do it all
Everything On our own
We don't need Anything
Or anyone

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel
Those three words Are said too much
They're not enough

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

Let's waste time
Chasing cars Around our heads
I need your grace
To remind me
To find my own

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes,
they're all I can see

I don't know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things will never change for us at all

Chasing cars- Snow patrol.
-----------------------------

jst talked to stef and poor her misses jit soo much
first up- babeeeeeeeeeeee!
dont worry u'll only b sd for a couple of weeks.
i'll be.... for.... 3 months.
haha
(:

anyhowww tkcr and GOODLUCK to my darlin' stef! (:
hope all ur exams are gooooooood.
ohhh and ILU*
im soooo glad u even rembrd our mambo nights on weds in spore
(: im so so so so so glad you rembr babe
(: (: (: mwahhhh*

and as for the 2nd yr med peeps:::
GOODLUCk for ur osces tmr- namely:
prashan, dinesh, jeremy, carol, evelyn, dilani, adam, jess, allllllllll you guys.
(: hope its not as bad as ours! heh.

sighhh.
DIMMY is coming over now! (:
I CANT WAIT!
hehe. tho i see him 24-7,
but he's such a darl! (:

CHRISTMAS IS COMING! (:

yes i knw the irony of being AWAY frm home
jst when christmas is arriving.
i must say,
i've spent the wholeee morning + arvo getting my xmas cards written.
this year, (because i wanna be good for santa)
and to mk sure im not last minute cardless,
i went down to clayton central this mornin' to buy over 50 xmas cards.
(:(:(:
andddddddd i've written ard 30 already.
PHEWWW!(:

i cant wait for xmas.
im constantly online shopping for presents.
and reading catalogues to order hampers for pple (:

I CANT WAIT FOR xmas.
i'll be having the usual open house on 27th dec (yet to be confirmed)
andddddddd
its gonna be sooooooooo wicked.
cos' its in the new condo in hazelpark...
and for those who wanna reside in the familar, casual home of cashew hgts, you may! (: heeeeeeeheeeee.
i cannot wait to see my family, with all the babies in pretty pretty dresses.
and bows and feathers.
and locks, and maybe even I will have locks.
OHHHHH im having cornrolls i tink. i hope.
hahha..
(:

isnt christmas jst so near?
i can barely rembr living without it.

nth done, nth accomplished.

okayyy.
if i blog less, it only means one thing-
(as my title suggests,...)
ive done NTH useful, nth worth bloggin abt.
and i'd jst be ranting on,
whining abt my inactivity and how this leads to morbidity
(yes, im nt sparing any of you med pple.)
haha.

well,
all ive done today,
(besides the usual nostalgic reminiscing abt spore food and frens! n family! haha)
is written a whole list of xmas cards n prezzies that i need to get.
to all those close to me
(and of cos, deserving a xmas gift frm me)
pls lessen my load by just tellin me your xmas wishlist.
(: much appreciated.
pls dont write "my two front teeth"
or "all i want for xmas is you"
(cos' cheesy xmas songs DONT apply in my world.)

heh.
yesssh.
to kill time, i'll be writing cards, and letters,
and preeeeeeettty much nth else.
ohhh. of cos, shopping! (:

anyone with melbourne requests- pls email me. (:
heh.
(pls dont ask for dutyfree ciggs andd all that, i've reached the quota) haha.
righttt.

im living on chips + cookies + juice +... ok thats abt it.
hope money flows in frm some-random-where.
andddd i can pay off the epay thingy which my itchy fingers conveniently clicked 3456789 times,
and now- i HAVE to pay for items i dont want or need.
pfffft!

ohhhh yes.
this thursday-
i have work at Kingdom Chinese Restaurant. hope all goes well
and i have a stable job till i get back.
if not...
1. i'll be living off air for good.
2. i'll be bored to death watchin youtube 24/7
3. i have to lessen the amt spent per xmas gift.

kurggggggh.
tinkin of money makes me SICK.
eeeeerrghhh.
=(

poker night (:

okokkkkkk.
now the exams are FINALLY gone for EVERYONE
including dimmy.
(: yay.

celebrated our lil victory (of not dying amidst the exam papers)
by having a Mini 'Celebrity' poker.
you knw.. the kind we watch on tv and start yelling out whether to fold or check?
(: yes that one!
so basically....
we played with Mark tdoug, tim makar (came later), alex kugellllllll, and ken teo. (: all my favs. and of cos, dim n myself.
we didnt play with money
(due to inconveniences of getting change)
and so,
played with a losing dare- eatting a rotten apple
thats been left in alex's car in the sun over a few days
on his dashboard.
so heres how it looks like after all the decomposition. (:






eww.... YES ewwww is right. the original color of e apple was GREEN (not red)
well... first off, alex was winning.
turn out mark lost all n had to tk the first honorable bite.

and jst when you thot alex was winning,
its his turn to be chip-less. (:
*notice the piece of rotten apple right out of his mouth. YUCK!

then came the rest... one by one.even I wasnt spared of losing all my chips due to arrogance.
wahahaha.
(you have to click on it to view it)

then... it was down to dim n ken to fight it out.
and becos' they were too incompetent to win over the opponent's chips (hehe), we decided,
that BOTH should eat a bite..... Together....

and of cos, tim, being late, didnt get a chance to join in the 'fun'.
and for punishment (for not being punctual like a doctor shld),
we made him hav a bite of the juicy apple...

....or didn't he?....

okok.
and for the finish up, we all had a nice ultra THICK raisin bread (almost an inch thick) with our fav-
nutella! (: cheerios!

to linn/stef/xinyang::: HOW TO ACCESS our sdexclusive blog?
and how to use facebook?? ): *lost*
ilu* guys. mwahhhh.

the Last PFE (or PTE). sigh*

//steph jackson my sweeeeeet lolly partner in tute! (:
//me me me YES I KNW. //theekshna baby girl and me!
//me and RASHA my favourite girlllllllllllllllllllll. all time.
//my lil vik. with a major diagnosis of lack of sleep. heheh.

//allister ware. // SHANE !!! (too bad u cant see his gf emma in the back)



//ME ME ME again. and me n MARK my tdoug. (:


basically last night went ok.
could have been worse.
but one thing that struck me DEEP INSIDE, like a winter's night- cold and merciless- J.C (lets call him).

and i would love to say how ecstatic i was to see you try to grab my attention
each time you tappedmy shoulder or smiled at me.
and each time you walked/ squeezed past me in the crowd,
you'd hold me.
and without a word- serenade me till im weak inside.

i rembr walking past V. ( that #$%^&*) and seeing smth i wish i hadnt seen.
and being my usual, hard up self,
i walked past and even gave a smirk.
a smirk of resentment and maybe a hint of victory that he could never have me.
n-e-v-e-r again.

ANYWAYYYY...
back to JC.
im kinda glad i saw you yday.
cos' i looked good. (or at least i hope i did)
and you? well... you looked awesome as usual.
but no offence,
i kinda think i look better. HAH.

and despite everything,
everyday of our lives here in melbourne,
in Med,
i stil rembr you so clearly.

i rembr your taste.
i rembr your smell.
in fact,
i spray it ard the house sometimes when smth smells bad.
cos' i knw you'll drown out the bitterness of solitude.

theres always a difference btwn us.
whether its time or words,
attitudes or feelings,
regret or resentment.
i tink you knw that too.

but you're that level which defines intelligence.
the charm that defines gentlemanliness.
the effort that defines sweetness.
the grace that defines worthiness.
the line that defines the ying & the yang.
the existance that defines life & death.
the personality that defines a man.
the skill that defines an apprentice.
and the heart that defines a lover.

and like you always said,
(quote/unquote)
she is the bird that shits on your armani suit.
but she's the reason you could afford a thousand $ suit in the first place.
she is....

me?

jst got up. guess the time.
kurgggk.
its almost 1pm.

made appointments for a job interview at 2 restaurants tmr.
god be nice (: plssssssss.

with that foul luck aside,
im in need of some sd-exclusive-lovin'!!
babeeeeeeeeeeeees. all my babeeeeeeeeeeees.
namely, stef linn xinyiee cand. (:
im soooo lookin forward to those newton nights (and weight gaining days)......
stayovers and mainly doing NTH at all... haha...
talking about *winks* and that *winks*....... LOL..
planning thailand trips and what not....
smoking in staircases to hide frm smoke-detectors (literally, as well as PPLE) hehe...
and plannin a lifetime worth of future soo far ahead of us and yet we grasp it with our own hands....
(: my winter break was complete with you guys.
this summer break is gonna paint the town. (:

andddddddd not forgetting, the all-time favourites...
-meggg my darllll'
-Marilyn khng wan yu! my meiiii meiiiiiiiiiiii.
-churchies eg Josh Gerk! elmo... etc
-mahjong khakies who cheat my feelings! eg william YQ! ahfLor!!
- family OF COS' eg alllllll my sisters, parents + mummy!!!, cousins!
-childhood buds eg scully belly tiffie etc.

you guys.....
rock rock rock my werldddddddddddd.
i cant waitttttt.

but since its xmas, and i wont be in melb,
i HAVE to shout out to all those close to me here.
you'll be kept close at heart during this time away.
have fun guys,
play hard but take care of yourselves when Dr. Rach isnt in town!hehe.
- DMITRI ZARTAISKI my baby wabyyyy.
- alex kugel, ken teo, rasha sweetie, my lil Vik, kerf, elliot, evan dear, shane, patrick doube, aaron bloch, theekshna hunnie, dil & tim, mark my tdoug, anshini my buff girl, allister wareeeee, chris carmen, my browns road budds (prashan, carol, jem,dinesh), the Singaporeans, the botswanians!!, the Schombergks i nanny, himawan/hiep/hyacinta, the jews (jess-es, alex, jonathan), jonno, the tutorial group 06, the malaysians/ monash msia, steph jackson.... all monash med 06 peeps! my lifeeeeeeee , my career, my werld.
-taylors pple: rio, rusdi, all the indos, all the singaporeans that i realllyyyyyyyyy miss (xie, el, etc), fina, MICHelle hunnie!, kris hunnie too! ilu u guys!!!
-all the tutors frm taylors AND monash med.

you guys made melbourne such a liveable place to be in.
hope we'll all come back next yr with sooo much to share!
iloveyou all mwahhhhhhhh*
and i always will.
_peaceout oz_

-you give me smth-

sometimes i think,
you cannot afford me V
):

YAY. i finally have a nannying job tmr arvo.
fuckyeahhh.
(:
picking 3 kids instead of 1. big whoop.
):
at least im working.
well... its only a day. so thats pretty shit.
considering im in dire need of a job,
that will do. (:

my mummy is sick.
in a medical way you tard.
she needs a lot of medicine
and i have to get it for her.
jst when my financial plans are all set out for me-
1. thailand.
2. xmas dresses and GIFTS (that will cost a bomb)
3. december BILLS BILLS BILLS.
and now, a new addition (and a major one too!)
4. mummy's medication.
)))):
wouldnt want another cardiac episode to be brought on by my negligence, right? S:

i shouldnt even be CONSIDERING abt my mummys med.
that shld come FIRST> yes.
so, to prioritise my financial situation,
1. Mummys med.
2.. thailand....
etc etc.

get well mother!
and you'll look as good as new when you're better.

EXAMS NO MORE.

today was the OSCE.
(: for those who are lost,
osce is like a reenactment of a real doctor-patient situation
whereby the patient is a simulated one (trained to act and be 'sick')
and an examiner sits in to grade your skills,
in accordance to youR:
-communication skills
-non verbal skills (like eye contact, SMILING)
-empathy skills
-explanation without jargon skills
-your personality (like how understanding and nice you are.. ETC)
-your knowledge of certain illnesses and diseases.
-radiology skills
-dealing with angry/psychiatric patients.
ALL THAT STUFF.

and today was prolly a very good day.
woke up , had brunch, relaxed ard the house,
got dressed formally for the osce,
drove to uni,
catched up with hyacinta (i miss that girl! sucha darl)
(:
and did the osce without anyy stressing.

(:
it was good. had a schizo patient (i tink...)
who was a lil scary. sitting and talking to herself,
rocking a lil in her seat,
addressing herself as "we" not "i"
and hearing voices in her head.
(:
then had the usual Xray with a fracture/dislocation.
musculoskeletal and neurological examinations.
(:
an elderly patient with sciatica. (this one was funny. i kept flipping the pt on his back and then on his front. heh.)
(:
another elderly, angry guy with basically every possible disease
and legally obliged to give up his licence.
(: then came the hotttt white guy that had to take off his top
for me to examine it.
HOT GUY! (: (okok i knw.... professionalism.)
chek. *tsk*

basically it was fun
and i had a tummy ache frm all the jelly beans i was tryin to fill my tummy with.
kurghhh*.

YAY NO MORE EXAMS!!!
time to get a job and save up!
so that the sd-exclusive club can go to pattaya/phuket (where again??)
together!!
yay. hahahha.
YES PPL im gonna be independent and pay it myself this time.
to make the situation worse,
i have to get home for a wedding,
buy mummy 9 bottles of pills for her heart illness thingy,
get xmas presents for EVERYONE.
and basically get alllll broke.
(:(:(:

good arvo werld!
im jst starting to feel the festive spirit today!

lalala. la. la. laaaaaaaa.

heh.
met up with Jo yday.
yessss JOANNA GOH from IJ.
(: shes not a bung anymore (which most of u probably alr know)
but she's still with B--.
yesssss. (: happy for her!! haha.

ohhh she stayed overnight.
and we watched a lottttt of dvds.
thanks for renting them! and getting snacks!!! and drinks too! (:
thanks lotssssssssss babe. cya agn before i go home okie???
(: mwahhhh*

anddd went to church today.
had such a coincidental moment in time
that it almost seemed like God was indirectly telling me something.
it was freaky.
TOO FREAKY to be spelt out.

yes anddddd im gona go uni tmr morning. (yes nerdy jst cant get enuf of monash ey?)
hehe. i hope all goes well with my ONE attempt to practise osce.
(:(:(: looks like dimmy's in for it!
wahhahaha..

im on msn now.
with DAMN V.
he's reallyyyyyyyy pushing it.
with all the 'i miss you' and 'do you still want me' shits.
i wish i could reach into the com and box him.
he ended off our convo with 'i gtg. gimme a call later if you like'
WTF does that mean?
that I (not YOU) have to call you??
V, you claim you wanna try for us,
and yet you expect ME to call you??
mayb you didnt understnad what i meant by- NO.
i used to call u up all the time
and be contented paying 1000bucks on phonebills ,
as long as i cld talk to you.
but NOooo. not anymore at least.
i spent the last few mths tryin not to care
til i learnt how to let go
and detach myself frm what you cant mk me happy with.
so if you dont mind,
i'd like my space and privacy.

dim is not yours to try to get rid of.
i knw what i said before and im sorry you felt i was SOBER enuf to decide for myself if we shld have a 'connection' or not (as u put it)
the day i told you i was going,
i meant every word i yelled ovr the phone to you.
"i cant be with you
cos' you never tried enough.
what he is to me is what you will never be"

and i wish we were still as frens wld be,
hanging out for a movie,
holding hands tryin to run across the damn princes highway when we're drunk....
and sober....
talking about the future and where we're heading....
...together...
thats what we shld be.
f-r-i-e-n-d-s. perfect in allways possible.
cos' we skipped the 'i love you' part.

pictures frm Evan's houseparty.

//yara & me. (: always closing her eyes!!!!
//evan & me. thats what i call BUFF. (: he loves me. and i love carlton draught. (: hehe.


//evan (getting wasted), elliot's back & ALLISTER mah hunk! (:

//(clockwise left t0 right) liz emma stef bill yara vik(hidden) jess fran ken! (:(: chillin' out by the pool.

-the joke was on me-.

evan's party was alrite. pretty good.
only that it was sooo far. like almost zone 3 or smth.
UBER FARRRRRR. an hr PLUS drive frm here.
his house was pretty.
with a wholeeeeeeeeeee back yard of space. (and we're talking SPACE)
with a pool (which allister kept tryin to dunk himself in to drench us all)
heehee.
yupp. had a barbe as expected. the aussie way!
sausages and steak patties! (: and bread.
(:(:(:

nice niceeeeeee.
anddddd mostly med ppl were there,
jst chilling out,
wishing each other good luck for osce on wed.
and basically catching up.
another top of my list plan for this hols is....
*drumroll*....
EVAN'S HOUSEBOAT! (:
yeas.
its a wholeeee week frm 17th to 24th nov.
and its gonna be massive. it'll be a lil weird tho.
all meddies there (VIK, allister, fran, stef, etc etc)
anddddd evan invited dim yday too.
soooo its gonna be awkward. (thankgod J. isnt there to fuck anything up)
literally... no really, literally. S:
anddd i dont really knw if im going stil..
cos' i wanna work and all that. sigh*
oh yes. its sat. what shld i do today...
NOTHING. greattttt (:
sooo i guess i'll jst hang out at home finding something to amuse myself with.
heh.

ohhhhh omgosh been friendstering IJians and came across E.
omg. she is soooo goth now lah. its not even funny anymore.
S:

peaceout- and hope we'll never rage.

another entry for today. S:

//and jst a lil failed collage of myself to show how free i am.
pout*

yes. this is how much time i have.
roar! ):

jst a random post//

im jealous.
ive been friendster-whoring this whole morning,
looking at ppl's profiles and pics.
and i came across one particular friendster account.
which really blew my mind.
(not in a sexual way u perv)
hehehe.
well i got sooooo purple jst looking at bett in spore with her boyfren
and how theyve been tog for almost a yr now
and they hang out allll the time tog.
everyone knws them as the sweetest couple.
they club tog, shop, eat, get rich/broke tog, do everythinggggg tog.
hw lovely.
and all their nice nice pics make me want to be like that.
then comes the longest running couple i knw- clar.
she's the other sweeeeeet girl i used to be closer to.
with her 4 yr long boyfren and running.
lol.
i tink im missing out.
and they are practically married by now.
thats sweet. thats love! (:

and then i think to myself,
i'll never have that in spore.
and we definitely dont even have that strong a foundation to be half as sweet as those guys.
but u knw what,
i shant compare or complain.
we've got our downs, but we have soooo many more ups.
and we're still young, still new at these things,
everythin takes time.
its jst abt you and I babe. (:

i shall party today only-.

(: yes today-
going evan's for a poolhouse party.
(: nicenice.
FINALLY. the first day of the week that im actually excited abt postexams. (:

gonna drink and maybeeee swim.
ohh its a barbe too.
(: my first aussie bbq.
cannot wait!
(: yummy.

gotta meet dim. hope it works out before our plan falls thru
as usual. hehe.
and i hope you study hard (enuf) today okie babe?
(:(:(:

to tiffie:::
babeeeeeeeee ar. thanks for letting me be the first you turn to everytime you need someone.
to be the first to comfort you
and joke abt failing with you (er... we're joking right.haha)
and to be the one you call girlfren each day.
ilu* and wish u alll the best u deserve this exam period.
mwahhhhs* hunny bunny.

gotta go monash to collect my results for all the assignmts.
roar!!
hope i do as well as i need to. if not... *scary music plays*
):

fuck!
im hungry againnnnnnnn. sigh.

post exam and my tummy hurts. ):

okkk! first day after exam!
(: lets see hw productive i am. tsk*

uploaded a pic of myself! (: haha THATS productive.

went GROCERY SHOPPING. wooooot! here comes chicken stew, curry!!, steaks, eurasian food (shepherd pie and devils curry), BREAKKIE in the morning so i get rid of my stomach ulcer. (:

yay.
and looK! an improvement in my skin in just ONE night of sleep without worrying about exam. (i knw it still looks bad, but thats considered BETTER)
hahaha

yeahhh.
im gonna get dimmy some food and go to his place. (: surprise my poor dear who still got 2 exams to go. sigh*

ohhhh congrats to Viksta! (:(:(:
who got.. *drumroll* 96% on his assignment (which i tink i failed. haha)
(: congrats my lil baby vik! (:

heh.
to all else with exams:
all the best! (: mug mug mug!

fcukkkk yellll. it nv felt this good.

OUR EXAM IS OVER.
heard muahhh?? (:
its fuckinggggggggg overrrrrrrrr.
(: (: (:
yeahhhhh
to top it up, ppl thot it was pretty NORMAL.
let me rectify that- it was fuck hard
nth harder than that okkkkkkkkkk.

and the boyfriend surprised me with the sweetest thing!
(:
pics for sho'.
ohhhh added one of myself (Which BTW i thot was cute. pfffft)
(: (: (: time to get a job (yessss rach is workinggg....)