emo attack!

i shall type this is grey. to further emphasize the regretted nostalgia im feeling right now.-

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do you ever feel like you are physically near a person,
but yet so far away.
like there was never a connection to begin with.
and all the pain of watching that person walk away frm you each time.
yet you cant say a thing.
do you ever feel the need to touch him?
cos' there's no other way to feel him inside.
and when its all over,
you regret not doing anything to get him back.
and if you DID do smth, it was too much to take?

i feel like i blew him away (adversely)
with how much love and pain i felt inside.
like i had no pride left to cover up my flaws
and i let him see thru me- with eyes wide shut.
i feel like i stooped myself so low,
to the extent that after he left, i was lower,
lower than ever.
i could taste the earth- thats how low.
and when i hope to move on,
i see him and i feel like its starting all over again.
and i jst CANT move on,
cos' theres no where else to walk-but towards you.
the reason each morning- i wake up to a smell so familar-
like our usual pancakes or toast.
but when i walk down to savour my breakfast,
its not there.

so it was all in my head, was it?

now i start to have olfactory hallucinations.
and it scares me that i have had visual and audio hallucinations too.
i see you at night, no wait, youre not coming back.
i hear you call me on the dancefloor.
no wait, it wasnt him. it wasnt my name.
im scared that i dream of you so much
i wish you'd disappear. and finally when you do, i cry myself awake-
ahh. yet another day without you.

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i dont jst randomly hv emo posts.
but i read someone's blog.
someone i prayed would get least of you.
and now it seems to be hopeless.
the idea that you always want what you cant have,
and yet you still go all in for it.

J.
my history was written bcos of you.
maybe even B. (my fav daoni) stands close to you
but i chose the latter.
and im so happy i have dim now to walk me thru' this time.
this time of celebration and enjoyment.
i mourn us. i mourn you.
cos' i didnt deserve what you did.
and you'll still have the honor of breaking me down.
for the first time.
but i wish she could see what you really are, and choose otherwise.
she is smart and innocent- someone undeserving of your uncontrollable dick.
and i hope she knws jst where you've been.

nice house, nice family, nice car. - it doesnt matter to me.
i used to want those things.
i used to want you.
but now it turns out, you DONT have a nice house, cos' its jst expensive bricks and paintjobs with vast space, which could be used more efficiently for other impt things.
and you DONT have a nice car,
cos' one day you'll lose your independence to speed.
and you DONT have a nice, easy, rich life,
cos' you dont have principles or morals or values to live by.
you just quote them frm a bible
and you forget what they are.

and i stopped wanting you.