i dont believe God made us to suffer.
i think suffering is our OWN human way of learning and living.
and accepting the shits of the world and keep on going anyway.

exams in 2 weeks, fuck me.

someone leaked out an email from my personal account to keith about everything.
so evrything is out in the open.
and of cos, like evry fucked up rship ive had, its over now.
but its ok
cos ive realised alot more ppl are there for me
belly dots michelle etc.
and i like it
i mean i dont like what i did, duh
but i like it now. i mean, things cldve been SOOOOO much worse right?
(:
andddd i just cut my hair.not short la. i wldnt dare.
and temp curled it. its more blow wave :D

sigh. gdluck to al examers out there!!! (: cya on fb LOL

Nice is not enough.

ok this is a blog for all the guys who think life is unfair when their gfs dont respond the way they should.
actually, the truth is, there is no Should in a rship.

and so. here's the mofo truth abt life and love.
nice is just not enough.

you cnt live off love. neither can u on nice.
nice isnt gonna feed u.
nice isnt gonna make it last.

theres a guy called Danvis who makes me Green Bean soup
and buys me my favourite tofu from chinatown (which is far frm me btw)
and sends it to my door.
everyday.
now, that is n.i.c.e.
but that isnt love. and so, you cant live off it.

its hard to say i love you when thats all youve ever known to say.
it became a habit not a choice.
why cant we all just co-exist in one place, with no strings,
and no commitment.
obviously not like sleeping ard la.
but u knw wat i mean....
nott..... ugh.
just not.

and so... i hope that u guys, who's been in a long term rship, dont feel so obliged to be nice.
or lovey dovey all the time
(im not spiteful. just outrightly blunt)
its true.
and to end off... a nice canto song im addicted to by joey yung. (: (: (:

被你无情出卖
由细个到大
就算在伟大

sorry

green for the greeeeeeeeeeen-ness of my weekend.
shit fucked.

been drinkin heaps like... ALCOHOL POISONING HEAPS.
everynight for 3 nights in a row.
havent been home for ages. been living at michelles place.
somehow somewhere i wish i was in the snuggles of my own bed so i wouldnt notice the looks.

THAT look when youre closest frens go "its okkk hun. reallly. im sry it happened to u"
and that look when youve sobered up and all you can do is scream in your lil tiny mind
WHAT THE FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK.
the same what the fuck when the engagement ended.
even worse if i may perceive so
the same what the fuck when the whole Y2K (karaoke place that ive been hanging out at everynight) saw and heard u puke my guts out... in the walkway, the toilets and cabs.
a greater what the fuck when the little INNOCENT mei mei you thought you had stabbed a knife, not in your back infact, but right in the centre of your chest and you cant even look at her anymore.
the same same same what the fuck when all you see is your pain walking by you every day and night.
the smaller what the fuck when youve resorted to cursing in canto at the things you hate about ppl.
and a bigger what the fuck when the only you turn to is in spore and cant have em here beside u to tell u "you'll get over it somehow".
the kickass what the fuck when you turn to look at what youve become in the morning, that even the sunlight wont spare you some grace of dignity.
the same what the fuck when the prettiest part of you, your smile, becomes the same smile that killed you, in 20 seconds.
a deeper what the fuck when you realise, youre no more that young sweet girl that everyone goes "ho leng ah!" and youve became this horrendous slut of the century.
or so i feel so.
and the same what the fuck when no matter whatever you do, you could never, NEVER take back your words, your actions and your deadly smile.

when i wake up, i dont see day or sunlight, i see sadness and REGRET.
the greatest character of my very being cldnt exomerate me of the shame and
all i can think about now is....
what if.

and if what if isnt good enough to distract me from what SHLDNT BE if.
and if then becomes a when.

you can cry, sure, but no one will hear you.
for a life so forelived in such a disgusting way, that even God wouldnt hear you when you cry.
for a life so insignificant that even ranting became a whisper.
for the bigger things in life youve foresaken for a smaller today.
and a bad bad baddddddddd tomorrow.

im so sorry. to myself. to everyone.
and if ever i could dream a different life right now,
i would never everrrrrr wake up

life is such. again.

im soooo sad.
finances is bad atm.
srsly- its not gd this time.

im already vego, now i can barely eat la!
so depressing yeah.
):
i got.. SIX bucks in my account right now.
and i dont know how i stil have the mind and energy to wake up each morning, shower and stil NOT collapse.

i think most alr mistaken me as ano. and man that sucks.
but thats all i can do right now til... begining of June. S:
i wish i cld be a golddigger.
how unfair isit- some girls get the hottest guys and leave them for a fugly rich ass person.
best of both worlds. so unfair.
i wish life was easier just alil bit.

and like my hun wld say- youre so stubborn, that you would live well thru this.

listen pls.

everyoneeee!!
listen to these 2 lily allen songs if you hvnt alr! (:
i love it. addicted!

1. It's not fair
2. Fuck you very much.

both hilarious. belly and all: read the lyrics of Its Not Fair.
freakkkkkkkkkin hilarious! (:

Fuck you very much is just catchy. i like!! (:

random. my daily post is done.

my hunnie mich asked me n keith's starsign.as much as i dont believe in this shit, its kinda true.actually, its why we're tog in the first place!! (:

here it is...

You can find true love and happiness with the Taurus boy. He is a down-to-earth guy who you will really feel you can talk to and confide in. He is also very intense and passionate, and he will bring out the hidden romantic side in you. You both share the qualities of being strong-willed (i bet the author knows keith, i swear!!!) and eager for success in life, and you will help each other to keep your focus on winning and achieve your most important goals. He will focus his powerful personality and romantic attention on you, and make you feel loved and treasured in a very special way.
A perfect soulmate match.

one word- LOL!

wow. 2 days past me by like it didnt happen.
S:

getting realllly bored here in frankston.
no no, not the place, just the whole med course and livin alone,
with my daily ritual of simpsons, Neighbours, Scrubs, sex & the city (yes againnnnn), Greys and all the shebangs of being just ME here in franga.

not forgetting my daily trips to the back to smoke.
lol.

other than that, its officially 8th day of non-engagedness and its looking up.
mayb someday i'd get a reallll proposal (nt one I performed of cos),
a nice biggggg bigggg ring (u try to be modest, but after such a long hard 1st engagement, you just think fuck that. get me that mofo-ly big diamond. and im not being rude)
(:

ahhh lifes such. and after all the shits of the world, you wish you were a lil child with ignorance (or really, innocence) to combat it.
and then, reality checks in,
and ure back to face the shits on your own.
wow one big bullshit post, yet i feel so much more fulfilled in spraeding my lil crappy wisdom.
lol!

(and one thing i really need to grow out of is my LOL)

and meg is gone. again.

so i was mad. wrote and said some mean mean things cos my excuse is depression.
oh wells.

today at like 7am on a SUNDAY morning *yawn*,
i sent meg to the airport, oh and Ming her bf of cos.
(cant leave him at southbank right?! hehe)
and as much anger as i contained at her for not being THERE there when i was all down and depressed and emo,
when i saw her, my eyes lit despite the 2 hour sleep i had.
and then i realise....

life is just so fckin short,
that anger shld be held agst sm1 for even shorter a period of time
and forgotten.
cos i love her, always have and always will,
and when you can finally say those words to another girl (without a lesbo connotation pls),
then you knw, no anger can be too great or "impt" to be held for more than a second.
(:

so to Meggg my bestie, my darlin, my angel:::
- Im sorry. I know you've had your share of shit in life.
and i really just want you to know, (and I know You alr know!)
that I love you.
and when you need me, i'll be there, even if its 6am in the morning and im half drunk (:
I miss you already. (: xxxxxxxxxxxx.

and a short shoutout to Scully:::
darling. YOU MUST BE KIDDING ME!!
let love take a chance anyway.
coming from ME- MEEEE--> BINNY.the one whose life stood stil when the ring she waited 21 yrs for, came off her finger so easily.
Trust me.
Nth is too hard it cant be solved (:
love u too.xxxx

i know ive posted this song here before.
but emoness sets in, and you jst need to sing it out loud.
so here is what ive been singing in my own corner of the room all day all week.
(:

WHEN YOU TELL ME THAT YOU LOVE ME (Diana Ross)

I wanna call the stars Down from the sky
I wanna live a day That never dies
I wanna change the world Only for you
All the impossible I wanna do
I wanna hold you close Under the rain
I wanna kiss your smile And feel the pain
I know what's beautiful Looking at you
In a world of lies You are the truth

And baby Everytime you touch me
I become a hero
I'll make you safe No matter where you are
And bring you Everything you ask for
Nothing is above me
I'm shining like a candle in the dark
When you tell me that you love me

I wanna make you see Just what I was
Show you the loneliness And what it does
You walked into my life To stop my tears
Everything's easy now I have you here

And baby Everytime you touch me I become a hero
I'll make you safe No matter where you are
And bring you Everything you ask for
Nothing is above me
I'm shining like a candle in the dark
When you tell me that you love me

In a world without you I would always hunger
All I need is your love to make me stronger

And baby Everytime you touch me I become a hero
I'll make you safe No matter where you are
And bring you Everything you ask for
Nothing is above me
I'm shining like a candle in the dark
When you tell me that you love me

- all we do is linger-

im not mad at ppl in general.
its just my mood and i come off very grumpy.
wow. shoot me.

i mean,
i FINALLY mk an effort to dress up, put mk up on, get my hair pretttttty and all that.
and then- NO PLANS for a fuckin friday night.
and its ok.

i mean,
im fine stayin home and all that. (im not a clubaholic or alcoholic)
but still!
a girl's been pouring her eyes out into her palms everymorning, arvo and night.
the least u cld do when u mk plans is to keep it right?
grrr.
its no one in particular. just grumpy ol' NON-engaged me.
no more reason to get up each day, let alone dress up on a fri night.
and im sad. i am. depressed? no comments. but sad fo' sure.

and all i needed was 'my person'-
u knw, that person u can call on when ure shit or happy,
one person to say nth yet mk everything better.
MY PERSON.
of cos meg and all, but everyone has commitments of their own to be bothered drowning in my tears. ew.
so when all comes crumbling down on me,
who will be my person?