realisation- what a cause.

living with a girl with so many complaints yet so lil to offer (as a housemate)
i guess im growing up now.
REALLY growing.

and her lovelife is SCREWED.
and mayb ive learnt frm that too.

she cries all day abt some guy she met at a club/party/random busstop
but i tink to myself everyday why i DONT do that.
yet im dying inside.

and to sum it up-
i dont go looking for love.
sounds weird ehhh?
to say it so simply, yet so true,
i cant believe how much shit ive been thru
yet i dont tear in front of my housemate.
or even try to.
i WOULD HAVE in sg.
i wouldve poured out like a lil girl, innocence lost to nothing.

i wish i was sadder sometimes.
so i cld feel smth.
and thennnnnnnn i wldnt feel so innately emotionless.
and so... unaccomplished.
becky is alr married in the US.
that leaves 2 of us.
sarah prolly isnt getting married anymore.

i hate weddings.
you cry not cos youre overjoyed that a couple (you alr knew were in love) were making their love official,
but more so,
cos you knw you're not that lucky girl with the white gown looking all too happy,
and you wish it will be you one day.

movie marathon?

omgggg.
boredom.

Anzac Day was ok... at least med ppl in group B get 2day holiday! woot!
yes to those ignorant b*st*rds, Anzac day is a memorial public holiday for the veterans who fought the first Australian armed initiation in 1915.
killed over THOUSANDS of aussie blokes
and so today,
we remember them.
in prayers and lighted candles. (:

anyhowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
i watched the movie Becoming Jane- AWESOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMME
guys go watch it
and then you'll understand love- and how it can tear you down.
and i watched Sunshine- BAD SHOW. lameeeeeeee.
anddddddddddddddd also watched alot others.
like Disturbia and stuff. not too badddddddd.

anyhowww i'll blog more soooooooooooooon.
net still down so less updates.
missing everyone in sg!!! (:(:(:

yes you too YQ.

i lubb chu L!

yes yes.
another way to shout it out to the werldddddddddddddddddddddddd.
(ok fine. besides all my SDclub-ers and Megg n Mei n churchies n yq etc etc HEHEHE)
i lubbb chu!

ehehe.
jst felt like u dont knw what im thinkin and what ive been up to.
can i help it?
you barely call (or NEVER) and u barely msg.
and you expect me to be hanging ard
(ok well i still do. anyhowww)

missing youuuuuuuu anyways.
even logic doesnt come close. (: mwahhhh

no-cigg-yaddaa-yadaa

theres a reason why some ppl will alwys be single
and others will alwys wish they were.

yes stoop neighbour-
im not as cheap as you EXPECTED EH??
(:

wells my bad.
to disappoint you like that :)

ohhhhhhhhhhhh might meet up with brendon soon.
GOSH**
he's the guy frm Ffour club, IAN!!!!
rembr? the eurasian dude! (:

anywayyyyyyyyyyyyys
im bored. sick. exam= oveR!
but work= NOT over.
stupid as.
still no net.
and alot of shit to do before rural week.
ohhhh the following week i'll be going to Horsham for 2 weeks rural placement
so all you ppl- im prolly too bz to meet up w u guys
andddd hope rural is not too rural. well yeah.
no biggie.

OH YES.
and today- is the FIRST day of my no-ciggs-unless-utterly-necessary resolution! wooT!
(:(:(: praise me praise me quick. hahah

rachie is loveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeless.
someone pls love me. (:

oooooooosh!

its a saturday and im at uni's lib studyin.
first up- im back to being cheery cheery rachie now!

no more BOYS (NB: not MEN)
and i got work in place!
i scheduled out a way to study
and im left with a hell lot of anatomy and physiology to study.
but you see-
at least ive reached realisation stage
and im acting on my self-inefficiency.
how good is that!
my studying mood is perfect!
with zilch inspiration, nth is accomplished.

(tho i have to admit, why god whyyyyy)

hehehhehe.
ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh wells. jst 4 more days and the exm will be a-ok! (:
cant waittttt.

lotsa work to do now.
so cheerio folks!
catchya laters!

(and pls dont ruin my life in any way now that its perfect. thankyew very much)

\= a-mess.

i have time to actually blog blog now
cos' im skipping a lecture at.... lets see... 3.07 pm today.
eeek!!

its a shit lecture.
thank god for freewill man. (ehehhehehe)

ohhhhhhhyeshhh.
ive have 3 missed calls frm someone in ONE hr and im guessing its you.
maybe its a bad time to rant,
considering exams are close, im stressed by work, im SLOW in work
and what not-
butttttttttttttttt its inevitable to feel so strongly that things shldnt be this way at all.
AT ALL.

this is how i'll settle it. here and now. once and for all-
we're neighbours. or we were (till ure brother came home frm philo).
we're buddies. jst the way you call me
whenever i run my life right up yours.
we'll still be buddies.
fer life. hopefully. while it lasts.
im not gonna tell you what you shld be like.
im not gonna be a total bossy bitch about it.

i was mistreated by you
and thats fine with me.
i'll take it. jst dont overdo it. and dont do it to anyone else.
you lied. you had your fun. you misunderstood me.
no one will let you treat them the way you did to me.
but im sorry you felt so insignificant to me.
cos' u werent.
and as much as you wanted this,
i wanted him as well.

he was everything i wanted in you.
you could never give me what he did.
not in any way like him.
if i had a choice,
i wouldnt even be on browns.
i'll be with him on browns.
thats the difference.

you jst want everything and i want to live
normal.
period.

at uni!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

oh yes meggie:
i'll call u soon okie babe.
imu* and ilu* lotsaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa okie.
sorry we havent talked much. besties still babe.

(:

i studied today!!
yes. first time. for an exam next wed.
roarrrr.
better off dead now. ((((((((((((((((((((((:

i miss ian. lotsaaaaaaaaaa.
):
wish u were here for me to rant to you.
abt all the shit ppl in my life that shldve been eradicated a long longgggg time ago.

ilu* cuzzie

emoness comes frm within

when youre in the pits of a doomed friendship,
you knw that tryin to salvage it frm nth is not gonna revive anything.

i have a purpose fr this entry.

i met someone.
someone, so close yet so far.
someone, different- shall we say.

he had eyes of honesty, yet proved otherwise.
with a smile of admiration for my existance,
i cannot give affirmation to,
anymore.
he was of clear history, a man free of deceit or misdeeds,
clear as murky waters.
with stature so strong,
but with a breeze,
will be blown like a feather.

he was pure. in spirit.
no worries, no frownings.
jst eager for confirmation about his actions.
and for that, i must commend,
he was more than a gentleman to me.

but back then,
i was promised to someone else,
with an invisible ring of trust and longing.
(yes you will always be my numero uno)

and then this ring broke,
lk a careless chain of lovers.
and he took the chance to take my hand.
it was great. he was great.
apart frm the fact that he didnt stayed long enough to prove it.

his woman did.

she swept us all off our feets with her glorious smile.
her innocence beamed though we didnt request.
with her hair tucked bhind her ears,
and her fringe,
almost blinding us,
like it was to her.
she was nice.
understanding, nice.
but with every innocence that eminated,
there lured a devil on its shoulder.
oh why, you say,
what luck have i.

but i just loved.
with no disguise.

this wasnt innocence,
it was faith
that whatever pitfall you have,
you receive a stronger pull towards invincibility.

i cant say i didnt try.
or that he was a prick with all intentions to hurt.
cos' he wasnt.
and i had the werld underneath me,
but i chose the latter.
and im left wth the option of moving on,
like a cripple forced onto an endless travellator to nowhere.
and i can only move away from what i believed it so strongly.

----
so you've heard this drama tale before, have you?
its a simplified version of the book 'rachs life'.
it sucks to be me. it really does.
looks become highly overrated.
and the inside doesnt even count anymore.
and if it helps,
i cldnt get any lower.

paint me red

I HATE J.
omfg.

apart frm the fact tt ian made me feel soooooooo much more loved and what not-
I HATEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE J.

take ur haught to someone who gives a shitttt.
YES.
even to C.
I DONT GIVE TWO FLYING FUCKS if u dont want me or whatever you preach.
i hateeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee you
i dont believe i still bother to meet up with u for coffee to hear u weep everytime she doesnt want you.

and erghhhh YOU PIECE OF LOWDOWN SHIT!
i wish ian or danielle or jem or sarah or becky was here.
they'll kick ur flyin arse!
back to philo where you really belong.

and to hell to those who tink i cant do without-
cos' i can!
ERGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
thts it!
alco tonight! and nth else! ERGHHHHS.

GLADNESS

ian my cuzzie wuzzie is here. yay!!
(: no sarcasm meant btw. tsktsk*

we went a lot of places. fun ones! yay. i wish i cld do more!
we went: healsville open range sanctuary,
de bortini winery (bought lotsaaaaa wine!)
surfing tmr at torquay
Crown casino. ian actually played. WOW. haha
city
and st francis church. its gorgeoussssssss.
we went shopping at chaddy!
and we might go skydiving soon. we'll see. (:

see! melb is not that boring.
J is, unfortunately, NOT all that nice. oh wells.
i miss the j*-free days.
now i have to face him EVERY SECOND in uni.
thank god for distractions like logic, J, DOM!!!!, jason and all that. wheeeeeeeeeeeeee