simply the best.

went to the Balcony with tricia dearest after eating @ crystal jade.
and btw...
whats with all the different crystal jades ard????
=s utterly confusedddd.

today is mei mei's birthday.
happy birthday amanda !!!
my unbeatably loud little sister!=)
with so muchhhh love dear.

ohoh and B. is coming home today frm KL.
soooooo we can finally go out out out!
roars-.
new year's at breko will def be a change this yr.
anddd hopefully all goes well.
=) heh.
to tricia...
thanks for last night.
i'll post up the million pics we took soon k?
(when i figured how to use photoshop!)
heh =) with love girlie bimboooo.

and finally to you.
sorry (yet thnk you) for whatever has happened.
i lovedddddd the cookies (tho i puked out my lungs thanks to gastric)
and for everything else,
hope we'll stay the bez of us always.
jie-di for life?
heh. so cheezy me.

pictures2

-me in my hse in melbourne. =) photowhoring alone??
- anthony & i. *pouts-together*. thats when i love you.
-gerard dearesttttt n me. after midnite mass! =) ilu sweets
-belly and i. sehhhh alr lah belly.!! =)

pictures1

-SarahJie & I! hmmmmms.....
-linn dearest in town. =) ilu one & only.
-beckydajie n me. twinnies!!
-there'll always be spring on our hands and autumn in our hearts =)
- linnie still. mwahhhhs* (literally.) heh

eyes of heaven-

i get lost
in your eyes
something's there
we cant deny
when i get lost
in your eyes.

i dont mind not knowing
what im heading for.
you can take me to the sky.
its like being lost
in heaven.
when im lost in you eyes.

isnt this,
whats called romance.
when i get lost.
in your eyes.

random.
picking up lines of the song i like.
=)
oh mannn.
yday was so goooood.
despite the fact that i kinda like Balcony now.
hahah bt went acidbar instead,
i reallyyy enjoyed every second of.
yday wentt like thiss.....

met kim in the afternoon.
she left to meet relatives after an hr
and i met jeremy cuzziE!! =) at starbucks for 2 hrs.
den shopped ard.
and met kim again.
kim left (for the last time) to go back to the hotel
so me n jeremy went to meet my fren ky.
and we ate din at longjohns.
then...
jeremy left to do a project.
and me & ky went paragon's starbucks.
stoned ard.
looked & observed ard.
den we started catching up.
big f-ing time.
=))) i loved it.
anyways.
met up with bonnie, inka, tricia tan!!! , megg @ acid bar then.
was so niceeeee the songs
(bsides a few annoyances)
lol.
but overall.
i was simply overwhelmed.
=))))) to all yday...
ilu guys lots lots and tric, we'll be meeting on thurs yeas??
mwahhhhs* peaceout-.

today....
now im at sarah's hse.
going to meet belly n scully at breko soon.
hopefully we all get lotsa catchingg up done!
=)

jst some random tots..
i tink its so relevant how the songs play in our minds.
and im sorry for the irelevance i caused you.
and hearing all the stuffs,
im glad u told me.
tho i do regret hearing SOME tings.
i wish u'd lie to me sometimes,
at least we'll both be happier.
and after all the shit we know we want,
i still have myself left to blame.
im sorry for the silent treatments before.
i cldnt accept u loving so unconditionally.
and i was afraid.
if i cld, i wldve tried to prevent it from happening the way it did.
and yes.
i love you cos of you.
and you know that.
we both do.
i wld really love to add the -'ed' but i cant.
cos i still do.
:) with so much love left inside,
and only walking away as an option,
i guess only i lost out.
and jst to clear things up,
i DONT put myself out there all the fcuking time
and i wasnt the one who chose to let go,
to not be loved.
and btw,
it DOES matter to me.
thankyou very much.
and unlike u,
i dont have other girls to replace the one i really wanted.
and lastly, thaks for being concerned all fcuking year round.
=) thank you very much.

BIGGEsT sigh* to come.

it couldnt be more dejavu i tell you!
everything i expected to occur happened.
and somehow it slipped my mind
cos i was bloody mofo-ly tired.
but nooOOOooo.
it still happened.
jst the way i disgusted it to be.
EEEEEW.

breakfast is not an option in my mind,
its jst a want and a need.
which pretty much sums it all up.
and its so sickening that it stains my memory every time a LILLLLL' bit of an event occurs with it in it.
pouts*
last nite, after all the cousins and frens came over to sarah's place instead,
we all fell asleep on the couch!!!!!hahaha
only josh gor stayed up to watch Dominion- the prelude to exorcist.
which is so f-ing lame compared to the original movie.
-slaps forehead.
anywayyyyy.
the main pt is... that we all slept in the hall.
and i dint even realise how bad i was zhao-genging lah.
thanks gor for not telling me
:S
ohhhs.
and anthony left earlyyyyy in e morning without telling me.
thanks for that too.
*GOSHGOSHGOSH*

i tink we all expect things to happen the way it does,
but only cos we know its not to our liking.
its just a dread.
nothing much of a pleasant surprise.
and as i rant on in sarah's room now,
josh is currently oversleeping.
cos....he's got workworkwork soon.
GOR WAKE Up.
hahah like it'll work.
oh n btw,
my blog timings are all screwed up so the date and time doesnt coincide with my actual time.
=S so lameeeee.
anyhow.
i jst saw ur nick on msn
and i tink i'd really beg to differ.
(cos i feel ure jst simply pointing ur big fat finger at my face)
unlike ur understanding of being 'in',
there r many others better and far more wiser than u my dear.
and im not dissin' you,
but pls,
not everything is abt the size or
the color.
or whatever u perceive it to be.
and if u tink it is,
then stop funking ard w other's boyfriends.
get urself a gigolo or smth,
Ms. BBWW.
*pouts

you made me this way.

omfg/

f- you for chasing my frens off indirectly.
AND AFTER THEY LEAVE
you bitch your way thru your 'logical' reasoning with me.
oh bitchoff.
if it wasnt for daddy's magnanimous ways of stopping you from bitching on,
i wouldnt step a teeenie weeeenie bit outta MY house.
thank you very much.

but overall...
thanks (and reallly sorrie) to:::
megg, scully, breakfast, josh, elmo, leonard, Lionel!, chris, danielle, jeremy, ian, etcetc.
for coming and yet having to leave cos my ohsogreat relative who decided that its time to close MY party.
wow.
=S
this is so randommmm.
but i want strawberries.
=) cheers all. happy boxing day
and happy getting-fcuked-and-not-giving-two-fcuks-abt-it.
righttts.

*pouts*.

ohfcuke

omg i tink i spoilt my digicam again.
oh f-.
it cant on/!!!!
pouts* someone help.
=(

pictures

lionel & me. heh. i embarrassed maself by retarding my hair in front of everyone. elicia kate binny. my loveeeee.

cousin Ian and rachieeee. withlove

Cousin Danielle and meeeeee- the jipsy wipsy
Boxing Day & Xmas Pixies! =)
-i chose to reside in the self-desolation yet self-retrieving corner of my soul

*sisters for life. they call us Colin's Angels.

sighs*

despite staying up since xmas eve non-stop
drinking
and puking,
im still awake at 8 am in the f-ing morning to get ready for todays Binny Open Christmas House.
hahah
lol
andddddddd im all dressed up,
waiting for my imaginary fwens to appear
SOMEHOW.
ohwells....
ppl r coming over in the evening so its pointless to stay outside entertaining maself in front of 20 pple i have neverrrrrrr seen before.
and if i tried not too,
i'd get whacked big time by you.
righttt.
so it reached a climax where i can only hide in my shell in my daddy's lil corner of the room to use the computer.
-fascinate me please.-

andddddddd now,
for updates... =)
xmas day::: went cuzzie's place to party.
they had their house party.
and we stayed till 4.45am today
which was wickedddd.
cos we all played soo many games and it jst made me weak.
too much alcohol kills.
and this week, ive drank enuf to puke out my entire guts.
straightforth.
(dont even think of asking..)
*pouts*
ive taken a grazillion pics and now im clueless as to where to store them!!!!
pouts
shldve brot back my laptoppie!
BIG *pouts-.
period.

linn is going home today.
sighs*
what a waste.
we spent ONE day tog
and i must add,
it was a SHORT one day.
pouts*!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
linnie i miss you alr.
pls come to my open house asap.
lovelove..
=)

and to all..... merrychristmas
and tk cr.
i lurveeeeeee yew.

MERRY CHRISTMAS to one and all...
have a blessed year ahead and may God be with y'all endlessslyyyy.
=) mwahhhs.

THank yewwwwww Belly Sarah Gerk Josh Elmo =)
for spending the LONGEST xmas with me last nite.
even in the midnite mass.
sitting alone would neverrrrr be an option again =)
and to lyn &chris, sarP, vAl babe! etcetc.
to all...
thanks for the picture whoring and times we luffed it all out...
(finally!)
hopefully we willl continue this legacy of bloody fun every year!!!

heres what yday realllyyyyy went.... =)
went to Life is a Booze but was closing.
so we cabbed to Holland V
EVEN worse.
so we settled for the holland coffee place.
which wasnt such a bad option
(considering it was the ONLY one. lol)
then we drank our lives away from 3am all the wayyyyyyyy till like the next morning.
f-ing high was Sarah and esppppppp ELMO.
that wasnt too bad.
but funny. esp elmo.
trying to be DARING and alll~
-pouts.
but one thing reallllly bugged me last nite.
you.
yes YOU.

i cant believe you smtimes.
its soooo sickeninggggggggggggggg
really.
you always delay and come up with the lamesttttttttt excuses and when i ask,
you get offended.
its not MY fault that youre so goddamn egoistic
and cant take simple comments.
and youre sooooo smart that you decided to do the things you do.
which sucks, of cos.
but who am i to question YOUR bloody schedule
cos YOU DONT have one.
(and i bet if you did, you wldnt realise IT)
darnnnnnnnit.
i cant believe im ranting onnnnnn abt you you you.
cos i was so f-ing excited to see you bt obviously it wasnt YOUR idea of meeting.
im so pissed nw.
and i cant even start to comprehend why i bother abt you. youre so errghhhhhhs.

YILINNNNN i miss you alot and i really wanna send you off.
and at the least ,
get to send u off this time.
pouts*

and im back onto the you topic.
cos i really dooooooooo wanna try to understnad you.
i must rant onnnnnn

pouts*

im so ashamed of the frequency with which i blog.
im an official blog-slut.
erghhs.
why couldnt i just be.
i dont think that shopping is helping at all.
im getting sicker and tired-er
and its reallyyyyyy pleasing to meet a familiar face once a while.
todayyyy (and the past weekkk)
ive met so so so many pple....
-celestine
-dawnnie!
-kris
-willie
-elliot
-brian
-debbbb
-dongg
-peii
-dan
-keviee
-leon!!
-william.
etcetcetc.
aint i luckkkky?
heh =)

anyways....
no more daydreaming bout my wishlist!
[pouts]
its sucha torture to imagine how im goign to get it fulfilled.
and NO.
stop askingg about my status rite now.
im sick that its all youre after.
:S
anddddd
i made a bigggg mistake.
actualllieee.... its not MY mistake (avoiding all modestyy)
its just our poor luck .
hahs.
i tink you made me tink,
i meann,...
seriously....
THINK.
i dint want you to see me this way-
in sucha clueless state about my own life
and until tis sec,
im still figuring out where i left my mind
just then.
why did you have to ask?
your concern makes me weak.

i wish today dint happen.
of cus meeting william and all was good...
but the part after was swell
too swell for me to even be elated tat we finally met.
without trying to avoid each other.
and its so weird now.
we mk it seem like our past was jst a joke we decided to share out today.
and YES im ashamed you felt so weird too.
ohmannn.
if we were two in this world,
we wldve hit it off soooo well
i tink we'd regret what we lost.
but for the moment,
lets pretend we never had.

yayyyy

i wont try to even comprehend the purpose of staying home.
zoning out.
but towning is becoming a torture.
and im too young for that kinda sh*t!!
lol.
okok.

another reason to blog.
im publishing my wishlist for xmas.
hopefully
santa baby is nice this year and treats me good.
=) heh.

-the roundish tube-like LV bag
-longgggg LV wallet
(i only got a fetish for LV since ad brot me dere. hehe)
-tag H midnight watch edition!!
-sony/canon digicammmmm
(red one!)

okok.
poor santa is getting broke jst reading my entry
so i'll stop demanding things.
i tink life wldnt be so miserable if i dint have all these WANTS.
and yes
i still need to quench my fetish.
biggggg time.
lol

today...
belly ps me!!!
sighs. this is revenge for when i ps her.
lol.
no la jk. i understand y.
so no worries!!!
since today im empty again...
i'll prolly meet william.
and mr free-your-williiiiie,
its raining cows outside.
pls build a canopy for me.
=)

anyways. back to the main point...
tmr is either chinab or indochine.
gotta choooose,
but i figure that im gonna end up going out to cussie's place.
haha for the love of christ,
STOP appearing everywhere i go.
its sickening once in a while.
anddddd to belly and scully
when are we going to ever meet girls??

okok updates.

sooooo far.....
been to town a million times.
i hate it alr.
lol.
and been to holland village yday at breko!!
heh =) thanks meg for the nighttttt chat
and all the catching up.
send me pictures pleaseeeeeeeee.
hehehh.
today is jeremy cussie's bday
happy 18th dude..
with loveeeeee and mwahhhhsings
:)
going to his hse soon for partyinggggg.
yay.

ohhh anddddd met kris yday too.
congrats on ur results dearrrr.
double degree= double stress= double fun!!!!!
RIGHTttttt.
so lame.
anywaysss.. im in love with breko.
mainly cos of their innocence. *Winks*

ohhhk.
tmr gotta meet belly and scully and
hope all goes well.
i really din mean to ps you all the other time.
jst jetlaggin. heh
=)
anddd fri is sajon.
darnnn heard bout chinablack and falala at indoc.
i miiiiiite wana go.
if you dont.
but wtf.
gotta jet now.
mwahhhhs werld.
xmas is jst a love away.

.... i m home. omggggg....

......
im home.
been tooooo townnn and meggies hse.
been to taka and stuff.
still has newton and chompchomp on my list!!
ohhh and the oh-so-gooooood turf city's sri lankan crabs.
ohsooooyummylicious.
but one thing chains me down to nostalgia.
youuuuu.
buwahhhahahaha

i cant wait to go bpp now.
its getting late and im bored.
.ohhhhh.
ohh to all. my new spore number.
+65-81876519
no stalking pls.
lol.
and to add....
Rusdi yusiadi.
pls sms me asap okiie...
=) missing you dearest and mwahhhhs
loveeeeeeya truly.

still got lotsa stuffs to do and pple to meet.
andddd i need to wrap stooooopid presssssies which is overcrowding my livin space. lol
andddddddd
im bored.
first day and i hate the weather.imagine this girl wearing pink and carrying a friggin' umbrella even in the shade.
yuppps.
thats me.
looking like a bimbo and half a fool.
=)

OH.
one flashy shit i wanna thrash outta my mind.
ARGHH
-roars-k
that stinkin womannnn is makin my life a living hell
shes sooooo annoying.
i THINK I KNOW BETTER MY HEALTH
thankyou verymuch
woman.

i misss melbourne and for a change.
i actuallie abhor everything im up to.
seriously.
besides meeting megg and the tot of meeting belly and all...
i actuallie hate this.
im sorry but i reallyyyyy do.
and i wanna go home.

........

one f-ing dy left.

wheeeeeee.
jst one more day. ONE MORE.
and i'll be making my way back to homeland.
=)
*exhilarated lufter*
i reallyyy cant wait to c al at home,
esp Meg
Belly & Scully
Breakfast
Churchies
and alll alll alllllll else.
ohhhh not forgetting my family.
ohwells. gotta jet off to get some candy and other stuffs for home.
ppl want anything?? pls sms meeee.
thankyewww.
=)

mwahhhhs werld.
i'll coming home.

2 days. just TWO days.

home never smelt soooo good.
omg.
just twoooo days left .
actuallie...
less than day
(considering its cloz to midnite)
heh
=)
wells...
i kinda miss melb.
gosh.
pity me.
always wanting the best of both worlds i can never have.
ohwells...
i tink i'd weep to death at the airport.
and thinkin bout leaving my lovely new clayton home alr brings me to tears.
i cant even start to imagine the festive hols without my dearies back here..
like
-Amanda
-Michelle hun!
-Rusdi B
-omar & hostelites!
etcetc.

i wish i cld say how much i'd leave melb jst to be in spore
but ...
its tough.
knowing how attached and DEPEndent i have been on the rest here.
i reallly really look forward to belly n scully's girl nite out
and meggs everyday-shop-and-eat plan.
heh =)
buttt.
its eating me out just saying bye to this side of my life.
gosh. i know i'll be spending a lifetime here
but still!
okok stop whining rach.
its excessively disturbing.
LOL.

okayyy. gonna help rus settle some shit abt uni.
a few special notes to pple first before i jet off again..
:)

Amanda dearest:::
heyyy girll. have a safe trip home to canada.
tk cr of urself and drink less! gosh*
andddd pls keep in contact.
im sorry to hear about that.
i wish there was more i cld do but cry and watch you cry.
but im jst clueless.
i nv tot i'd boil down to this.
and now that it has,
i really miss ya and i hope you come back here for good.
canada is too far and im waiting to be shopping
and pigging
and complaining bout fats with you again.
and i promise to go albert park whenever you whine about my laziness!
=)))))
love u girl. just come back.

Rusdi B:::
hey lembu moo moooo.
i am so f-ing happy for you boy!!
=) ohman. i nv seen you so happyyyy before!
and you know what,
you deserve everybit of it.
so tkcr of urself (SERIOUSLY, eat more pls)
when im gone and i'll cya in exactly 2 months??
heh.
=) imu alr. and loveyyyaaaa too.
pls come back plump like me !!
mwahhhhs**

faith.

monday is officially our results day.
and before we all jst faint *literally*
in the hall...
i guess i just wanna wish everyone all the best and you guys hv worked so hard this yr.
you all deserve the best.
=)

as a faithful unfrequent blogger as i have now became,
lemme update maself on my recent shopping sprees
i REALLY should control.
:))))))))))
but if i cld turn back time, i tink i wldnt change a thing.
Lol.
okok quickquick list 'em down!!! =)
so far.. this whole month of hols, ive bot TOO many things to name
but i'll use my trusteee receipts here to aid me.
(:
-Xmas cards!
-~$350 worth of Darrell Lea chocs.
-$90 body shop facial prdts
-6adidas tops
-4nike tops
-4 pairs of shoes =)
-$120 to perm my hair for the 2nd time!
-Germany-made Glass for godma!
-Handbags
-luggage
-Liz C. handluggage
-Guess wallet (amanda)
-LOADSA groceries. =(
-calender for coughcough
-santa candies for my tchrs!!!
-CK polo tee
-3 fcuk tops! =)
-etcetc

OK alot. and too much to rembr.
suddenly my mind is a blank.
and all i can think of is getting HOME now.
i really misss home.
if u took away my uni offer right now,
i tink i wldnt even notice it.
cos im homewardddddddddd bound//
*gosh*
ive been saying that tonsss of times!
=)
shocked to know...
ive alr made plans back home!!!
ehheh
:) thurs nite - either cuzzies or newton
fri nite 6.30pm- kap to go newton!
fri aft.- meet meg!!
sat- cuzzie's place!

ohh shit. that reminds me.
must get a nano before i get to meet cussie.
ian's bday gift!!
=)
heh.
life is sooo wonderful when its spent with the ones you lvoe.
and i was reading alotta blogs recently and i realised alotttta pple saying cliche phrases like
spend your day like it'll be the last...
or
what if tmr nv comes..
or whatever you can possibly think of.
=S
and asssss non-comfirming as i may sound,
i beg to differ.
seriouslyyyyyyy.

if you think abt it...

why SHOULD i regret??
it doesnt take me a whole day to say ilu or jst simply sms my family
and frens.
and im not being cynical or anitnk.
but i can actuallie say,..
*touchwood*
that if tmr nv comes,
i'll be glad rightt where i am.
and what ive accomplished.
all the shit and plucks thatve alr happened.
and the sorrys i shldve said is done with long ago.
(well.. the stubborness of another is not my guilt)
all the thankyous and gifts that one deserves, i have delivered.
and all the love-hate mystery is out in the open
with nth to hide.
and IF,
jst IF tmr nv comes,
the ones who i shldve said ilu to will alr know how much i really do.
it didnt take me one whole yr in melb to figure my life out.
and im sure you shld too.

exams never smelt so goood =)

checked.
done with.
avoiding the fact that MONASH is inaccurate
in relation to the release of our results.
okok. back to the mainnnn pt....
i jst wanna have MOREE shoutouts.
esp to these special pple whom i hope arent feeling too down.

Lili, mono, ilham,fred, rus, kc, shirley
etcetcetc
HEYyyyy. its only numbers okayyy dear??
dont let it get u down dearssss.
MONDAY is the actual sh*t offers coming out.
sooooo fret not!!!
and i'll be praying for you all.
always.
loveeeya and we'll meet soon yupps? =)

RACHIE is happy today
soooo destroyers of my peace,
please dont ruin my day.
belly jst sent me a song and i tink its beautiful.
but i never actuallie caught its lyri cs
even tho i had it in my com.
-.-''
thats when i love you belly!!!
=)
you make me realise the beauty of things.
mwahhhhs***

i miss the idea of high school
IJ.
without troubles of grades
cos only the Os count overall.
and living in the simplicity of just BEING.
and now.
i guess i will nv imagine saying this.
i miss taylors//
peaceout.

as to all back home.
all the loveyssss.
im coming home babiessss.
6 days and counting//

peacedone`

SHITTTTTTT
cowdung!!!
erghhs.
according to the oh-so-trusty monash uni,
we can only check our results on friday after 5pm
buttt today,
the sporeans, (having our kiasuism trait),
realised that results are actuallie already out!
which really mks it annoying
cos i've been praying so hard but now theres one less day for that!
(:
well well.
i'l check my results when rus comes home.
thennnnnn....
buwahhahahahah.
we can alll just pass out together
due to shock/anxiety/restlessness/etcetc/
from wherein i conclude,
PLS pray for me.
for us. alllll of us useless bums who forsake the price of education.
esp all the way here in kickarse aussieland.
:) amen.

to update....
watched harry potter...
wellls no comments. ((besides the fact that the events that occurred lacked detail and length))
ohhh i tink aussie has VERYYY interesting advertisements before the movie starts.
the thrillers and all.
hahahhaha heres the advert ITSELF.....
............
the thrillers hv been on for abt 25 mins alr
and this aussie girl frm the audience shouts out
"get on with it! get fucking on with it!"
and suddenly, a director of a movie INSIDE the screen repllies
"what?? im sorry. are you from *censored* uni??"
and she goes
"yeah. so??"
and he replies (ON TIME btw)
"i know you students are always on time. trying to cut to the chase. thats good." blahblahblah.
and then they started conversing as if he could REALLYYY hear her. lol.
and it was just sooooo funny.
she stomped off and everyone was applauding.
LOL.
cooooliedoooolie. she was brave.
cos rage is everywhere here.
-road rage, cinema rage, etcetc.
so a girl shouting like that wld hv been normal to anyone here.
but the fact that a virtual being replied????
nw thatS advertising at its best. :))))
-----------------

okok. results r cominggggg. i really just wanna shoutout to you all frm yr 12 anddddd mufy 05.
its been a longgggggg and tough road for many. even myself.
and i just hope MUFY and VCE has been a blast
esp with all the cutiesssss who just brighten my day alll the time.
thanks lots guys
and may your christmas be merry.
be safe and enjoy back home... but GET YOUR ARSE back here in jan/feb and party b4 uni kills us okkie???
:) with alll my love...
esp to Amanda::: u will do well. LAW is your middle name. so dont panic girl. ilu and thanks for these few days of company and shopping. ilu and imu alr. come home to clayton pls.
to winston::: HEYYY law is just as good as pharmacy and keep trying. dont let spore down!!! :) ilu too dude.
to Yinghan::: wahhhh kaooo youuu shld be deemed king of bullshit man!!! cos you alwyas say you cant make it but you get like WHOOOOA> close to 360?? thats great dude. all the best and hope to cya in spore ok??

to all whose results are unfit for telling me,
dont worry. im nt gonna bug the shit outta you.
but just hope you knoe that ilu guys.
all the way.
and may your future be pretty!
:)cya all soon.
and home sweet home.... 7 days!!!!
andddddddddddddddd i got a surprise for godma etc :)

roars. again

your smile's a beautiful grace.
inborn on your flawless face.
your eyes,an impowering being.
more enchanting than anything ive seen.
your skin is a perfect blend.
your beauty. it has no ends.
speaks words we'll never know.
yet touching the depths of my soul.

-you're the definition of a sin.
my soul has learned to abhor.

roars. my hearts a-shatter.

flight details:::
BA0018
2205 hrs
terminal 1

i was planning to msg all of you who asked me for it,
but since its almost like
20 odd of you in spore,
i just tot you cld rip it off my blog :)
---------------------------------------------
before i rant on uncontrollably,
i think i shld thank ohgreatttttttt meaghan see ming yi
once more,
for calling my for almost 2 hrs ++ last night
to hear me rant on
and whine my life away.
and to hear my troubles and petty squabbles evry now and then
also to wish you dear
a very clean and happy move to the new place!
you can do it.
dont worry ,...
you're too reputable to be left on the streets,
bside a lamppost,
trying to figure where your hse went
:) LOL.
bigggg LOL.
you'll do good. mwahhhhs gerl.
always my numero uno! :)))))
------------------------------
BACK to the whinings.
ROAR-
i really cant stop countin down teh hours and days till i reach homeground
and literally kiss the floor there.
its so terrible to even imagine why anyone,
and i mean ANYONE,
would postpone their flight home
or even consider staying here for xmas.
its practically committing suicide
in the first degree!!!
:))))))))))
i REALLY shld stop ranting.
im suchaa pain in the arse. *GOSH*

anyways
(i cant stop... so....)
ERGHHHS. megg.or someone,
anyone!!!
please just slap me .
slap me hard.
i dont believeeee what a mess im in,
or prolly wad i created myself.
cos according to the gospel of Relationships,
this IS the definition of self-imposed emotional pain.
and i DONT enjoy whining all day ok.
thank you very much.
its so erghhhhhhhh sometimes.
thank god my new place has no internet.
so i must travel to rus' place to use it,
or else,
i wouldve balded just pulling out meticulously,
EVERY friggin' piece of hair i got,
reading blogs and emails and msn-ing.
thank heavens.
now i realise...
absense is bliss.
truly.
and you better believe it!

bsides the fact that i didnt wish things turned out this way,
im actuallie relieved its out in the open.
cos its backstabbinggg B*itch-up-your-arse to be wondering wtf you're thinking or wtf you're doing whilst im thinking of you.
and it sure is tiring just hoping you do.
and who ever said love was easy.
puiiii.
this time, its reallyyyyy getting up my arse.
(: its only blissful when its at e right time and yaddayadda.
other than that,
its alllllll a loada crapppp.
this song is playing in my mind and i just gotta sing it outtt loud...
im a kellyclarkson-slut all over again...
*sighs*
:)

i will not make the same mistakes that you did
and i will not let myself
cause my heart so much misery.
i will not break the way you did
you fell so hard
i learnt the hard way
to never let it get that far.

because of you
i never stray too far frm the sidewalk
because of you
i learnt to play on the safe side so i dont get hurt
because of you
i find it hard to trust not only me
but everyone around me
because of you
i am afraid.

I lose my way, and its not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry, because I know that's weakness in your eyes
Im forced to fake a smile, a laugh,
every day of my life
My heart can't possibly break,
when it wasnt even whole to start with

I watched you die, I heard you cry,
every night in your sleep.
I was so young, you should have known better than to lean on me.
You never thought of anyone else you just saw your pain.
And now I cry in the middle of the night,
for the same damn thing

---------
gosh. got that song outta my mind.
and im sure why i tot of that song when i think bout you.
for sure.
it makes me sick,
this weather.
farking hot and windy still.
*pukes*
the idea that results are out in just 8 days makes me sicker
til the full.
and now,
the petty problems that i rarely see why they occur.
you make me weak,
ya know that?
and i hate that feeling of being vulnerable to what you say or think.
even if it doesnt concern me.
(that state of subconciously accepting as my destiny, a life i vow never to walk again)
it cldnt get worse...
now cld it???
roar. im tinkin of Breakfast now.
cos you're the first (well... second to Meg!! :) ) person im seeing
at the airport!!!
wheeeeeeee.
cnt wait. a lifetime of bliss,
in spore. sunny sunny (too sunny) spore.
wells... if i leave the memories of melb bhind
and the hope of being entirely alienated from our misunderstandings.
i gues...
home will be sweet sweeeet smelling.

//stage me up.

the perfect moment.
its you that held United Square so beautifully in my mind.
Baker's Inn made it humorous to even try to rembr.
we stood at its doorway
and tho they say ...
"the easiest path to life is a straight one",
we never cared to adhere.
then...

*CRACK*

the memory has faded.
period.
(( sorry. this entry is gonna be entirely vent-ful))

ERGH.
did it never once occur in your right mind that that sm1 is you??
did you NEVER once think that i was waiting for you to contact me instead of the other-way round???
and was it not clear ,
or did i not show it to you?
everything happened alr.
and it did with a good reason.
i was scared.
tat you cld love sm1 the way you did.
and i thank you for that.
but i dint see you at the airport,
even saying bye or waving a friendly hand.
and you think that I WAS the one who dint make the effort??
clearly it was you
cos you moved on much faster than i did.
only difference,
is that i moved on together with you in mind.
YOU just simply moved on and moved away.
now
theres one less reason to miss home.
ONE good reason to stay in melb.
and mug mug mug without keeping 'seeing you' in mind.
and ONE perfect reason to pretend we never talked.
cos it dint make a diff to your ohsowonderful world anymore.
and fer the record,
I CAN take care of myself.
thk you very much.
i think the only one that need taking care of is
her.
i dint ask to relive the past.
it was a mistake to think we could.
and if it mattered AT ALL to your invincible world,
i needed you
and NO,
you dint even try to be there.
so much for the cliche tone of Friends Forever.
we'll always be together.
yaddayadda blahblah
you give my str8 lfe a whole new meaning to it.
and im not mad...
(am i ranting that much??)
wells...
good luck for your future endeavorz.
i didnt spend a whole night thinking of
what cldve been
what shldve been
what mightve been
(shldve cldve wldve are the last words of a fool)

im not pissed.
i reallie wish i wasnt.
but you put me in he bad light
and i dint ask for that.
it wldve been perfect if we remained as the time during the camp.
where we bathed in the ulu toilet with trish
and when we shared our own petty probs.
and i did lie a lil back then.
cos the one i was referring to in my problems...
was you.

------------------------------------------------------
its ok.
im damn happy you moved on and found a lovely girl.
im happy you tried to
im sorry i left such an irreparable wound.
you know i still do.
and aif it makes this any worser,
i guess i shd stop here.
but the days we shared is engraved in my memory.
irreplaceable with yearssss
indescribable with words.
you really made an impact.
and i really fell this hard.
period//

im off to a bbq now. and im sure we'll sort this out one day.
but till that day
you owe me one.
and you'll never understand why.
(:
im done with the ranting. im sure it was longg and naggy.
but my minds a blur,
my hearts a mess.
love has ALWAYS been enough.
you just dint get there.
;\and one song you gave me,
i think it reminds me of you.
still. by brian mcknight.
you placed that tune in my mind
and you sang it well for the days.
with this same tune i'll leave this here.

avoiding all modesty//

i can almost smell the singapore air.
freshhhhh and simply home.

i think it never occurred tht anything (and i mean ANYTHING) could go wrong as long as im back in my snuggly home. in sunny spore.
then again...
IT CAN.

and before i start hesitating abt the impending,
ludicrous ideas i come up with,
i think i better start xmas shopping reallll soon.
gifts to buy
chocs to bring home
pressies for the GSHome.
etcetc
ohhhh and not forgetting the
dresses.
lots and lots of party dresses to start me up! :)
-bday dress
-xmas eve dress for dining AND church
-xmas dress
-27th dec openhouse dress
-new year dress
-etcetc//

oh wells. joy is in the mood.

today (friday) schedule:
empty.
and tmr.... ohhhhhh....
tmr is gonna be exciting ..
well.
for me of cus!!
im goign to the driving range at Oakleigh.
wahhh. which is sooooo fast considering i just got boogyyy
buttt who cares.
daddy wants me to get an international license,
and i just gotta do it.
well. daddys lil girl.
so yupps.
thennnn
on Sunday....
goign smith st to do some last min shoppin for all in spore.
:)
yupps.
theres nth much.
except to accompany amanda and get my aunt her stuffs.
ohwells....
anywyyyy
im gonna watch the Biggest Loser now.
so tata werld. binny is coming home.
:)))))))) loveeee

to daddyy dooooooo

happy birthday daddy doooooo
with all the love and wishes,
may you have a truly blessed and graceful birthday
and may the days ahead be a perfect journey for you
pup!

okok.
hope you got the prezzie i sent back home for you pup!!
:)
i cant wait to get home and wish all of ya a happy birthday
esp since its the dec babies.
so..... to avoid confusion of who's birthday is whose......

happy birthday to all these special family members!! :)
1st dec- DAddy
2nd-godma sb
3rd- ian cuzzieee!!!
4th- aunt sandra
5th- Uncle Benny
6th- grandaunt Dot
7th- the Olivero's :) in Holland now
14th- Aunt Val
21st- Jeremy cuzzie!

etc etc
and alot i may have forgotten. but nonetheless,
happy birthday to all the Binnys heehee.
:) with love and peace. mwahhhs*
i'll be home soon.
wait fer moi.
:)

today's schedule...
picnic at Botanical Gardens
in Domain Road.
greatttt plan guys!
i wonder where next we'll be eating flies...
:S
ohwells..
whats worth...
Happy Anni to Lembu.
hope youre happy.
errrrrrr okayy.
lame.
ohwells../
mwahhhs to all.
just 14 more days and im homeward bound!!!!
:)))))))