just some consideration

its like a sin ive created frm thyself.

seriously.

ppl can be two faced. and all we can do abt it, is accept it or get the fuck away from that person. and me? i chose to stand ard and watch till the amusement from it fades away.

so lately a good fren of mine broke up with her 4 years plus boyfren.
they were in de facto rship prior to this awful end, i must say.
but things happen. shit does too.

anddddd
she felt the pinch every moment and lived it anyway.
she KNEW what it felt like to be stabbed right IN THE FRONT
without any form of mercy granted.
she KNEW the pain of being lied to and lied about.
she KNEW it was coming.
and all she cld do was protect her dignity of whats left.

she convinced us all he is, is a bastard and no-good STD-carrying loser.
and i took her word for it.
and she was cut deeply for the false accusations he spred to the whole werld abt her.
and im not saying she's allll right,
but you get what i mean.
it takes two.

andddddddd jst today,
i find out, without much surprise really,
that she liked my ex.
WHICH ISNT A BIG DEAL considering im dating keith. haha.
butttttttttt the same thing he did to me, her ex did to her.
and she empathized.
and yet- she had the stupidity (of a in-need-of-a-rebound-girl) and the foolishness (of a theres-no-other-guys-left-in-cabrini-for-her-to-pick-girl) to pick my ex.
and im nt one to judge when it comes to rship (no shit)
butttttttt
I WAS THERE WHEN SHE HELD HER TEARS AND STARED STRAIGHT AT ME FOR SOME SILENT AFFIRMATION.
i was there when no one else in cabrini even liked her at all in the beginning.
when ppl scorned her for whatever reasons,
i INVITED her into my circle, into my life, into my pooch's life.
i drove to her place the second she msgd me to cheer her up.
i offered her countless lifts home and gave her hope of a better tmr.
and im nOT asking for some recognition,
but at least, frm the point of view of an almost-leper-like-human in cabrini-
i asked, for friendship-sake, dont do to me what you wldnt want to do to you.
i ask for some consideration.

how wld it feel, after you bitched a lifetime abt ur ex, and i walk ard the workplace hand in hand with your ex?
IN FRONT OF YOU, with no thought of whether you'd mind or even care.
it doesnt matter WHY you fell for him or HOW.
it doesnt matter if I dont care,
but it matters that Im alr in pain everyday of my life in cabrini cos of a mindless prick
that you happen to like as a rebound.

take it frm someone who has been there, exactly where you are right now,
and where you never wanna go again,
its not fun having a rebound.
you feel ooooh at least someone this good loves me. AT FIRST.
then when you wake up with utmost remorse for your lack of self-preservation,
and realise what a fucked up me.

and enough abt her for a while.

i wanna rant about himmm. this time. pls. let me.

YOU STUPID MOTHERF*CKING ARSEWIPE.
lemme first say- that if i reallyyyyyyyyy was the worse thing that happened to you,
you WOULDNT be bitching abt me still. till this day. ONE YEAR AGO.
read it loud to yourself, cos maybe youre deaf or in denial.
I WASNT A MISTAKE TO HUMAN EXISTANCE. neither are you. but WE were ok.
and yes, we were good, once,
and we lost it. and thats jst it,nth else to it.
its really nt that complicated.

and if u reallllly wanna keep bitchin abt it to the ones closest to me at work...
here goes-
YOU LEFT ME. thats one. its not your place to rant.
secondly, you SAID "even if this ends one day, i'll be thank god for what we shared"
THANKS FOR THAT YOU SORE LOSER.
next, YOU SAID you expected us to end once i leave melb. and it did, didnt it?
PLS DONT TELL ME YOU TOTALLY FORGOT WHAT YOU TOLD ME 9398564 times?!?!?

i probably shldnt say this, but sometimes i get so scared
when i think of all the previous rship we shared.
it was awesome but we lost it
its not possible for me not to care, my dear.

who fucked who

oh my fucking hell

did u knw that sarah MY SISTER that i love a lot is moving to london??
ok she did a drastic mistake by going africa.
now shes gone to london for god-knws-what-sleezy-job
andddd then she writes an email to all of us saying that she will migrate to US soon?!?!?!?!?!?
WTFFF

firstly, what happened to "i wanna be near rachel to take care of her??" fuck australia out the door.
and secondly,
SHE's STILL IN MONASH IN AFRICA!! she's throwing that away!
and lastly,
what happened to "im broke i cant go anywhere"

I cant believe that i have willingly helped her with money for so long and all she does is take it and spend it all on an airticket for her and her stripper boy.

this is not right!
and im mad. not cos london is a nice place and im purely jealous. i am btw. melb is freaking 0 degrees last nite!! ): ... MY POINT IS- im mad cos she didnt tell me till she's all ready to leave.
if she did, i wouldnt be working my arse off to keep helping her out financially.
andddd im mad cos she promised to do monash so she can transfer to australia and live near me.
FUCK THAT SHIT.
and im mad cos im the last to knw.
im mad tht im treated so jst cos i love someone she doesnt like me to.

WHO FUCKED WHO now. seriously.

YIPEE EYEE YO!

Give me a camera and i was camwhore myself with smilessssssssssssss only.
no more emo/poser/depressed child- no not me!

well OBVIOUSLY im happier today
(pls tell me u CAN tell.)
cos the boy has decided to take the damn initiative to ask his coach for a weekend off.
(now lets guess why.... hmmmm)
YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES! he's comin to melb.
now now,
i know its only for a weekend in sept
but thats a weekend LESS for me to freeze alone.
(ok the pooch doesnt count. it freezes in the kitchen. and kris, well, she doesnt freeze. period)
YIPPEEEEEE EYEEEEEE YOOOOOOOO.
yesyes.

overkill. i get it.
but its sweeeeeeeeet i tell ya.
ive had sucha bad start to sem 2 that i realise i NEED THIS WEEKEND AWAY FRM CABRINI and all i recognise.
yay!

he's taking jetstar. SEE AT LEAST HE'D SACRIFICE FOR MEEEE (:
i cant cant cant wait.
i could puke from overjoy. (ok now i sound psycho) no serious.
hahahahhaha

i shant overkill anymore than i alr have.
butttt i had a shit day and now its all worth it.
for loveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

YAY good bye cruel werld (well... till sept that is)

im blogging. yet again.
not to show off my internet btw.
hahahahaha.

its jst,... im bored. with nth to do. well actually, i got too many things to do that im down to nothing.
and i got nowhere to go,
buttttttt anyplace away frm the poopbag.

i am very very veryyyy tired.
really
i didnt ask for a pooch. so now that its here, im allowed to whine and complain as much as i can.
and i really dont mind it.
untilllllll it poops.

im bored. sunday arvo at home. with 2 dgrees of pain and suffering. yonkers.

i wish i was righttt beside the boy.

(:

i am ashamed of how unforgivin some ppl are.
i mean,
OKAY,
gimme n keith a break.

we've been going out VERY WELL together for close to 7 mths.
AND LET ME REMIND YOU PPL
tat its been 7 gruelling, yet the BEST MONTHS, in a long-dist rship.
and its not ez.

sm ppl i knw in a rship alr find it hard to keep sane together even tho theyre in the SAME COUNTRY.
can you imagine a long dist one?
and pls, dont say distance makes the heart grow fonder.
fuck that. seriously.

to be able to tahan the distance, time difference, high phone bills, always-brokeness
and yadaa yadaa,
i'd say jagaa to 7 months!!! (:

im proud of myself, really. (not that ive been a total skank or anything like that)
buttttt rships in general dont stick well with me.
and a long-dist one! WAHHHHH. (: (: (:

i love my boy.
TAKE THAT BECKY AD DAD AND ALL WHO MESSES IN MY LIFE AND MY RSHIP-
i LOVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE my boy.
LOVE LVOE LOVE LOVE LOVEEEEEEEEEEE my boy.
hahahahaha
(sorrrrrrrrrry readers, my family is making life hard for me)

i hate pooches

im a sad child. a sad existance.

my home jst got internet. finally. after 3 years plus. hahs.
but that also means more internet bills every month. ): bleahhh.
and most of the space is used by kris. so yeahh there goes nth.

anddddd
i missed pathology and lectures at the alfred hospital this morning.
1)too early to be fucked
2)the stupid dog pooped all over my bed AND MYSELF which means i showered 2 times (or more...)
3)the dog ran out of food and couldnt stop crying.
4)i still smelt poop after i showered. ):

my life sucks.
soooo i came straight to cabrini instead to eat brunch w dil.
guess what-
SHE DIDNT COME!
ok she was held up smwher else. but no call?!?!?!?!?
ok and angie pangie didnt pick up her phone.

soooo to avoid awkward brunch by myself in the cafe , with patients recognising me as they stroll past,
i decided NOT to eat.
woooot.

think abt it,
it realllllly isnt that bad ok. (:

ok im dying of hunger. i jst need to eat now.
tooloots pple!
i WILL update pics of my pooch on this blog, however, due to circumstances,
i refuse to put up pics of a pooch i might give away soon. ):

life in a library.

irony. what life?

i cant seem to grasp the simplicity of being lower than plankton in the hospital hierachy of surgeons and students and consultants.
i think even consultants treat me with more respect than that!! ):

i cant really think now
its lunchtime. 12.50pm EXACTLY on a thurs arvo.
and i havent eaten yet.
and i jst finished my PBL work and im soooo not ready for more work now.

i liek thurs.
cos that means that tmr is fri. and FRIDAY is at the alfred hospital.
nothing much but pathology and leatures that we dont listen to.
it really isnt that bad eh??
(:
anddddd i cant wait for the weekend!!!
dil is coming over to see the puppy love!
and im bring my pooch to angela's place for a bit.
let it shit somewhere else but my house. hahah LOL.
jk la.

anywayyyys,
nth much this week. no alcohol for me (as usual i must add)
just a whole lot of reading and catching up with work. the first few days with the puppy has made studying almost impossible. sooooo heres to nerd attack weekend!
(:

and i still miss the boy ever so badly.

life in a library.

updateeeeeeeeeeeeee

Dont mind the lack of updates.

i cant be honest on this blog anymore. (or never could).
pple dont get it- blogs are a public arena for the obsession with ppl's personal lives, i get it.
but hellooooo,
FAMILY ON THIS BLOG??
and i dont mean RELATIVES, i mean FULL ON, DIRECT family.
now THATS gotta be smth! (:

anywayyyyys
jst a quickie update. (ok sorry that came out wrong. ALL WRONG . hahas)
been studying a lillll bit.
kris bought me a puppy wuppy (shih tzu maltese) without realising im dying trying to clean its poo every 2 mins.
yes and 8 weeks old puppies poo with a passion. and no overstatements there.
anyyyyhow,
its cute and all, but I NEED ASSISTANCE> ppl pls volunteer yourself to clean up hahahahha.
lol

yeahhh so thats one thing.
ermmmmmm kris moved in temp with me cos of POLITICAL DIFFERENCES int he household previously.
so yeahh now i got company! woot! but only temp, as i said.
anddd keith n i are goooood. (just HADDDDDDD to mention that)

me n mummy n sa- not TOO good. *tsk.
FAMILY.
what can i say. the binnys dont ride well with indifference. hahaha.
andddddd ermmm.....
nth else much i guess.
oh yeahhh im feeling so much better. those who knw, ive been sick lately, but im getting ebtter!!!! (: woooots.
STILL- no drinking for me.
ohhhhhhhh yeahhhh im dying in cabrini. with the scariest consultants who bully me!!! *screams and rolls on floor*
i hate this! why pick on ME?!?!? i dont even DO anything (ok maybe thats the problem) buttt still!
its female inferiority complex i tell yA!!

go pick on sm1 your size!! ( literally. pls) i feel like a great pig poodle getting picked on by a stingy lil chihuahua.
nw tell me, isnt that jst sooooo familiar to u???
):

so anywayys bitchfest is over for me. gotta go back to the life im resolved to-
TORTURE. buwahhahahahaha

life is such. really a total bitch slap in your face when you THINK all is well.

and so i thought ):

pple, fuck out of my rship.
this rship is mine. is keith's. is ours.
all else fuck off pls.

i dont get it.
shut the hell up and stop makin my life so difficult.
):
it isnt abt you, it doesnt even invite you in.
so take ur pride and walk out ! &#$(^*&%#@
grrrrrrs.
i hate the shit ppl put me thru