sticky situations

i need a flight homeeeeee.
boo.

i cant sit ard here staring across the room at you.
this wont work for me!

my theory to make my life less complicated or potentially rship-wise destructive:
dont put yourself in the situation in the first place.
its true.
if you tend to regret doing things
or you KNOW you shldnt do certains things but STILL do it in the end,
STOP!

why put yourself in an unnecessary position to make unnecessary decisions right?!?
well its hard to say.
i know, that DEEP INSIDE,
half the time,
we WANT to be in that situation to get that last lingering hope of love once again with someone we've lost or will soon lose.
and we try to rekindle that last, due to die, lust.
and poof. there goes the rship we NOW have with someone else.

why jeopardise what we have for smth we had?
God let us lose a past rship for a reason.
he didnt do it to torture either one of us.
its for a better next one. and even better next one afters.

i had the nicest time with S.
and these memories DONT ever change.
no matter how shitty times get now btwn us,
it doesnt change what we had.
it was real.
too bad it couldnt tolerate the hard times we shared.
but you see- thats the diff, one thing doesnt change- we shared it.
isnt that special in itself already?

and now that ive had my share of S
and all the perfect times together,
its time to let him share that with someone else
and me?
i'll deal.

so im getting myself back.
as ive alr stated before.
till im becoming an obsessive blogger to kill the time alone at home.

but to reiterate the fact i wanna share.
DONT put yourself in a situation you cant get out of- or that you knw you'll regret.
i alwayssssss do that and it sucks.
trust me.

if you tink going to ur ex's hse might lead you to cheat on your bf/gf,
DONT GO!
who cares if you wanna be 'nice' and be 'friends' again with that person?
who really gives a shit if you wanna look like you're totally over him/her?
NO ONE.
and the only one who WILL care, is your partner NOW,
who is left to suffer for your ineffectuality.
your lack of self-ctrl.
and your lack of respect for yourself and your partner.

i knw,
cos' ive been there.
i let S suffer for smth that didnt happen.
and its funny,
cos it didnt need to happen for us to realise this isnt working for shits man.
but to sum it up,
we'd be tog like for a year now if not for that one bad bad situation i let myself get into.
and now,
im left to crawl outta it myself. alone. and who was to say i was wrong,
even tho i did nth indecent?!
NO ONE. cos no one cares.

ok ive ranted. now im gonna shut.
poor keiboy is back home, working his arse off with iraq stuff and mat selamat terrorist things
so i can have a better life when we're both done with our work and shits.
see.
things always get better dont they?