dont stare too hard,
i might just fall in love again.

dont come too close,
i might meet your lips.

dont hold too long,
i might never let you go.

(for the deepness of emotions i felt just today, when you did just that-
and i couldnt pull away)
-------------------------------------------------------
nth much.
today i feel so shameful
i cant believeeeee myself.
really.
i deny feeling anything. anything at all
and when i hear stuff abt you or SEE stuff abt you,
i feel like breaking down
and i do break down a lil inside each passing day.
when i talk to keiboy and he always tell me "why do you keep tlaking abt him. whats so great abt him".

and i choke.

Nothing's great.
but nth was broken to begin with.
everything that happened, happened on my account.

so in tryin to figure out why i cant get over it. or him
i jst cant find reasons to be the way i was before to him.
a mere shallow of shame and yet, he never quite gave up.
the only one who stayed by me in my op and didnt judge
and even IF he did, he still stayed. and thats enough.

im only bloggin this in "memory" of him cos its his bday
and hes got the right to be praised and liked.
and i have the maturity and sanity to smile each time he rants on abt sm chick nurse or whoever.
i am not a figure of mockery, just standing by, waiting for smth to change.

i knw my place
and thats why today i gave him a lil note.
a note of wellwishes and what not
and to say jst how much im letting go as of today.

i'd regret this one day. i knw i will
but you dont love me anymore S.
the moment you walked out on us when you THOT i was indecent, you didnt love me anymore.