she's home.

of all the events in my life,
this is a first.

im not sure if im ready to move on,
but Father Chong is right-
its always easier to let go than hold on,
especially to this- to someone who's happier where they are now than on earth.

yday was her cremation.

also the day i let her go for real.
the physical isolation frm her gets to you sometimes,
especially at night.
who is to say she didnt love me enough to wait for me to come home in june right?
she has always wanted to go this way.
in her sleep.
in her gorgeous dress and a slight, subtle smile.
the look of peace on her face,
she couldnt look more prettier.

i miss you,
i do.
but i know now you're truly home.
for some reason,
ive lost my voicebox.
i dont talk as much to pple
i dont want to anymore.
i sit in my corner to eat lunch and wat not,
and i minimise words.

funny thing is,
keith was there thruout (except yday)
and my parents didnt freak.
my keiboy loved her and always got her favourite wanton mee when she lived wit him n sarah,
always listened to her love stories
and never grew frail.

she must have been glad he was there purely for her,
not for me or anyone else.
just her.

the bliss of knowing the purity of spirit and faith keiboy had,
i am contented.

things are never gonna be the same from here on.
cos' now, for sure,
i knw she's there, looking after me,
watching me
and picking me up when i fall.
things will never be the same again,
cos' now i live for my family and myself.
and the trivialest things dnt affect me as much.

My nana,
one day i'll see you.
and till then,
i'll be missing you.