worst sleep.

ok i realised how sad my entry titles are...
worst day of my life.
worst moment of the day.
worst everything! and now,
worst sleep. ):

it really was!

i met meiii marilyn at suntec. catch up session NOT LONG ENUF OK!
hahaha we gossip like tutu trains la. incessantly keke =D
and thennn met jeremy and lionel and ian.
went randomly many places la.
even pool la. (those who knw me will knw hw ashamed i am of my 'skills')
hahahaha.
anyhow im was only the commentator. arent they lucky?? (: (: (:

ohhh then went coffee club in town la!!!
i looked most inappropriately dressed la.
knwing me. aiyaaaah. cmi.

anyhooooooooow,
got home at... 4 am litat.
and i slept at 6.30 a-f*ckin-m la!
YESSSS and worst part of it all,
i had countless nightmares of the usual abuse, force, violence, escaping, ETC.
anddd i walked ard my hse the entire morning frm 8 till.... NOW.
thts hw much i slept last night.
YES. insomnia at its strongest! ):
and its not caffeine or anything u knw.

its a worried-yet-i-dont-knw-what-to-do state.
HELP! my minds a mess la.
the last time i tried to explain my misconduct/mistreatment,
it ended in tears and utter pain.

i ALWAYS plan a whole speech in my mind to tell you,
then when i get to the point of SEEING you,
i couldnt have looked any more dumber.
every word i memorized so clearly just disappear frm my mind,
as if i didnt practise it into life.
(which i did btw)
and when we're all alone,
its an absolute still werld,
until i break the silence with a lame joke i DONT get how i manage to tink of.
erghhs.

but your silence is serenity to me,
for the courage to accept the things i cannot change.

one funny thing i read in this World Book Encyclopedia.
you knw, the 8932953 book editions kind for display.
ANYWAYYYYY
i was reading "what do hands and feet do" for Delia out of boredom at 8 damn AM today,
and i came across an old couple holding hands.
and the caption read- "Hands say I love you" without saying a word.

ISNT THAT LIKE THE SWEETEST THING EVERRRRRRRRR.
seriously.
oh mannnnn.
i wish i was an encyclopedia writer la! (minus the ingenius bits of it)
but OVERALL i'll be awesooooooooome.
(:

im stil in the pits,
feeling guilty all over.
draining myself of whats left
and leaving you with nth but empty breaths.
i cannot tell you how much i wish you didnt love me this way.
so maybe she'll have a better life with you.. next time.

but i cant let you go.