im gonna stay at my mummy's hse today.
wish i had the heart to tell her i dont wanna be on a starcruise on vday.
tho this year is jst like every year's- boring and utterly disgusting,
i wish to be at home AT LEAST. no need some fancy restaurant or fireworks to mk me feel loved, or to love.

talked to meg on msn yday-
thanks for the cheering up babe. (:
i really needed that familarity that i thot we'd have lost by now.
ilu*

thats what happens when distance takes over.

anyhooow,
i realise that since my whole life is practically alr planned out,
i might as well follow it and stop being a real bitch abt it.
seriously, as much as i resent my 19 years so far,
ive had a good one (compared to many others).
and the least i cld do for the ppl ard me is listen to them.
eg. Nana, Chris my dear, my parents, my mummy, even meg supports the idea that i shld be with him.
and belly (im sure she thinks he's the only one good for me)
and lots other ppl.

and ive had my fair share of shit guys.
or nice guys with shit ways of treating a girl. TSKTSK.
or even normal guys with no idea what 'faithful' means.
u see, im ashamed of my past- and i wanna rectify it.
but to do that, i need a proper person.
who loves unconditionally (as tho im not imperfect as i am now)
and reallyyyyy needs me.
WHO THE HELL DOES THAT???
ok. mayb thats kua zhang im sure God does.

but unknowingly,
ive loved a person for sooo long. and every year that we meet,
im afraid to leave sg.
i dont like melb when i think of you.but i like the idea that being so far, i see you less. and think of you less. everyday.
but then you're always there.
and how do i tell everyone else tht i need him?

i shy away when we get too close.
and i talk to you like we're best buds.
i insist on paying cos' i dont want you to feel like its a must.
and i wish we celebrated christmas everyday. (:

too bad you got no idea what im tinking cos' you dont knw this blog.
but i'll still write in it.
cos' i knw you'll read my mind either way.
lenoil- ilu*.