fall on me- tell me everythin you want me to be

special shoutout to STEFFIE:::
awwwww babe.
thanks for the entry bout me. teehee
its funny how we started from NOT A SINGLE word spoken in IJ,
to sleepovers, and clubbing,
and faggin tog,
and now, girlfriends for life.
(: ilu* babe.
and take things slow.
just like us. tryin to work things out before they fall apart
):
sigh. call me soon dearest.
with missin' and lovin'. (:
------------------------------------------:::-----------------------------------

i cannot even start to comprehend what life will be in the future,
or imagine how we'll go on any longer.
like a sudden change of mind
to hint a tinge of regret.
wait a min,
maybe not regret-
just untold longing.

its good tho.
cos i stopped thinking bout the other 'you'.
the heartless 'you' with no idea how to be faithful
or how to love.
the 'you' with the sweet tongue of deceiving words.
the 'you' i never want to love again.
EVERR again.

sigh*
met you in the hargrave andrew lib today
and we didnt speak a WORD.
yes believe that.
maybe a harmless hi-bye.
nth more.
and how much i wish i cld just burst out and tell you
just how much i miss you
and tink of you
and want you to tink of me too.
ergh.

uhhh- the pain.
of watching you walk rightt past me
or just sit quietly where you always do.

---
im bored.
im home. skipped prac. hehe.
LEARNT effectively NOTHING today.
oh yessh,
besides that horrendous fact that our eyes catch ONE out of a million trillion photons in a given space.
hurhurrrrr.
-nods-

YOU dick, REPLY ME.
gosh*.
ive reached the point of NOT caring,
of NOT trying.
anymore.
im past the stage of nEEding someone for company,
of wanting someone to just grab my hand when i cross the road
or holding me while walking btwn lecture theatres in the rain,
or telling me how much im missed,
or loved.
or simply to be.

im over this.
this dreadful need to be touched (NOT DIRTILY you freaks. haha)
im OVER this.
i really am.

thank God for ppl like dilini anshini rasha theekshna (our new gossip partner).
i alr feel loved.
cos even when we have awkward moments
of arguments
or misunderstandings,
of silent treatments,
or annoyance,
we're still close. and im sooo glad to have them
to you girlfrens named above:
ilu* thanks for being there. (:

to you:::
sometimes it seems like i dont trust you enuf.
and other times
i seem like i dont give two fucks about anything involving YOU.
but thats just me-
the girl next door, who cbf with anything,
dont givashit bout studying anymore,
walk ard campus oblivious to those ard me,
and just basically being.. well, me.
but you must knw, (i swore to you before n i'll say it again)
i DO trust you
and i really do try.
in fact i feel liike im the only one trying at all.
i do the smallest things to take care of you
like give u my umbrella even tho i clearly hate the rain,
msg you to remind you to keep warm,
call you to check if youre tucked in bed
and ALL THAT.
and i still dont knw what you want from me instead.
but ilu* i do. and dont say it to cheer me up.
just dont say a thing.

STEFFIE! i knw what you mean
when we are happiest if we dont expect anything
and get the smallest things from him.
(: rock on babe.