tinge of blue to show the blues

seeing sarah's facebook pics with devlin in them jst mk me feel slightly sick inside.
just slightlyyyyyyyyy.

i mean,
i LET him make me look stupid and gullible and cheapppp.
(thats the worst)
i mean, i didnt do anything AT ALL with him (thank goddddd)
but still!
he made me look a fool in fronta sarah and RICHARD. (yes, her husband)
oh man whats worse than looking desperate & cheap in fronta your bro-in-law?
answer: the whole odyssey dancer crew in Gotham.

okkkkkkkkkkayyy.

so i clicked "close" on facebook to avoid the shame of even LOOKING at devlin
that turd.
erghhhhs.
*mumbles-thinkheshotandallthatbuthesnothingtomeatall*

OK enough abt all that. tsk. finally.

i received an email today frm my mommy in the US.
OH MY JOLLY GOSH.
the reply was unexpected and delightful :) *grinnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn.

it wasnt loud, or rude, or curse-filled as i was expecting.
no 'fucks' or 'stupid eurasian men' in there.
no 'rachellllllllllllll (with a long windy tone)'
it was sweet.

its like my mommy figured i wasnt 4 anymore
and instead, gave the support i needed most.
she didnt fully endorse my ways or actions,
but she listened
and to me, that will always be enough.
for those who judge, whether outrightly or deep inside,
i hope you listen first.

its hard to actually shut the hell up and jst listen to others when you've got a mental block on sm1
and its even harder to restrain yourself frm judging.
you knw,
i take pride in the fact that i wanna bring up my kids in a wholesome catholic family,
but sometimes,
i get the feeling that even the most "holy" ones j.u.d.g.e.

ok so truth be out.
im dating the one person i probably shouldnt.
and every night i dream abt the worst things that cld happen.
but i dont believe anyone has a damn say in it
unless directly related to this situation.
(which i suppose you're NOT)

do i love him? (for you to ask that, you must really be blind or jst ignorant)
YES i do.
i actually do with all my strength and time and thoughts and wits.
i do.

can i wait so long for him to come?
YES i can.
ive reduced my smoking,drinking,shoppin,partyin jst to save up so i can bring him nice places when he actually gets here.
i can.

and as for him, he's been waiting to save up enough to come,
and he calls me everyday, msgs me twice everyday- all this before i even lift a finger.

SO DONT JUDGE PPL.
shut ur yaps before you destroy yourself.
i dont need consolation that australia has hotter better guys.
cos i dont need any of them.
i dont believe this is too hard to accept.
jst stop being dramatic abt the situation, this isnt an afterschool special.
its about me and him.

and if you cant get it,
we'll stick with it and shove it where the sun dont shine.
(: