hypocrite

the guilt running thru me is inreparably a mistake.
i shldnt have to feel this way.
i shldnt have to try not to.

i missed pfe last night cos' i received atrocious results.
results unbearably disappointing.
and i dont mean Singaporean's definition of disappointing.
i MEANNNN reallllll disappointing.
to the extent that its worthy of elaine halley's privileged meeting.
*sigh*.

i dont even want to ask the sporeans how they did.
i dont want to hear from jeremy on monday.
cos' he saw my first reaction to the results.
(i ran past him covering half my fuckface, you see)
its not that i want to diss them or belittle myself,
but their usual rxn shits me. -the ohhh i did so badly but ending up doing 70s-90s.

anyhowww im starting on my assignment now.
WOOT.
hopei dont fail this one as well.
and last night,
i cooked shepherd's pie for alex n Dmitri.
and nowwww,
i made a hugeeee mistake.
the kind of mistake that shits you in the inside when you meet the one youre supposed to be with.
the one everyone expects you to like. for a life.
its the kind of mistake that you couldve prevented and shldve. but those are the last words of a fool.
the kind that you resent when its done unto you, but when youre in that situation and you've done that exact same uncouth thing,
you become a walking hypocrite.

and that was me yday,
when i took all your pride away
by tryin not to.