this is probably the worst entry i'll ever have to post.
):

the wedding is off. postponed. cancelled. whatever lets u slp at night.

no more.
spent 2.5 hrs last night from 12am till 2.30ish talking abt it.
holding back the tears so he cldnt hear the pain.

then when the convo ended, so did allll my plans, dreams, appointments, wedding dress + rings.
THE RINGS. wtf will i do with his ring, my engagemt ring and my wedding band?!?!?!?!?!?!
):

its a lot of work to get stuff done.
and now its MORE work to undo them.

i died a lil (more like A LOT) inside last night.
didnt sleep a wink AT ALL. stayed up all night tryin to rembr hw we got here in the first place.
and wish we never put ourselves in a situation we cldnt get out off.
and now,
i realise, im crying cos ive got too much into this wedding. and i refuse to let it go now.
NOW. after 6 mths of engagement. of planning. of talkng and inviting ppl to it.
of EVERYTHING!

so now, im make-up-less. with sunnies. cos of poofy eyes.
and i cant talk to dot. every time i hear her voice i cry cos she was there last night at 3am when i needed to talk to sm1.
she was going to be my brides maid.
and now its all ruined.

i dont want to face another soul who is gonna ask me 'hows the wedding', hows this, hows that.
cos there is not gonna be one.
soo all those who said "youre too young" or " so fast??" or whatever-
FUCK YOU.
you dont knw what its like to finally have the one person u love, love u back enough to want to marry you.
you dont knw what it feels like when he says' be my wife' and you fit .
none of u knw what its like to have all that taken away.
its so rare to have such an honest and pure rship with sm1. and have to withstand all the fuckups the family has to give.
and now,
its like a bit of myself is taken away.
all cos of a lil money issue, the whole shebangs was planned wrongly frm the start.
and cos' of a lil fuckin convo that shldnt have started at all.

and now,
if u dont mind,
i'd like to drown in my tears, here in franga.
and NOT attend my shifts for a while.

and if u can help it, pls dont touch me.