parttime maid, fulltime loser.

yes and i highly doubt this status will change anytime soon.

im home. its 9.50am. FUCK.
i need to go to uni NOW as we speak. and hurry the fuck up with all my work.
i think i shld stop stressing.
i swear ive never balded/broken out (as in complexion)/panda-eyed myself this bad in my entire life.
(ahhh you see... God left my side for a sec and this is what happened)

and i shall never fall again.

-------------
been thinkin bout *someone.
*someone who meant this much to me. (enuf for me to spend all my thots and effort on him)
andddd im reading his lil note he slipped me-

"i like rachy. and i will stop being a loser.
cos' you deserve so much more from me.
and i will try."

how sweeeeeeeeeet.
-melts.- like i always do.

and i think to myself-...
,,,, i had absolutely NO reason at all to put you down.
NO rhyme or reason to choose otherwise.
you didnt show it, but i knw you tried.
as much as i whined abt your inadequate effort for me,
i knew deep down that you wanted this as much as i did.
and maybe thats why i hung on for so long,
so stubbornly.....

i miss calling you at night
when you pranked me. cos' of your innate culture of cheapness.
i miss telling you each night
that i miss doing all that.
and ... i miss you.
i miss pretending like i dont see you in lectures
but at the corner of my canniving eyes,
i catch a glimpse of you for the day
and my work here is done.

why... what-... whh-.
ERGH. whydafuck am i thinkin of you.
i shld really be studyin.
well... at least just think of other things.not you.
ohh not you.

*we're not sexed up,
thats what makes the difference today.
i hope you blow up*

im sick.*sneezes*
dontknw wherethefuck i caught a cold frm.
ohhh yes.
i knw!
yday walking home at night frm the library at subzero degrees.
brrrrrrr *freezes bum off*
with a immunocompromised body,
im sure i fell ill frm yday.
*tsk.*

and today i am sad.
(like i usually am when pms ends)
very sad.
im having funny moodswings.
the kind where you can just break down crying amidst a laughing fit.
yes, thats how i am now.
cos' im ineffectively ridiculed by my own appearance
& existance.
i wish i'd blow away. just evanescence.

*pls remind me why im breathing.