oh no, dont go.

one step too far,
one breath too near.

ad is finally off to crown to stay for the nite before she leaves melb.
YES,
she came again to see jst how her lil dotter is doin after an accident.
ohwell.

now that shes gone,
im perpetually alone at home.
wishing some dishes ad used to cook would reappear
right now.
right here.

no?
no.

my leg is a fuckedup, useless piece of mundane shit
that does pretty much NOTHING.
but take up effort & pain & misery & inconvenience.
roar!
):

ad n i had a heart to heart talk.
to ensure we're stil pretty much mother-dotter
even after the awkward silences we'd hav
just upon the realisation that,
seriously,
im not okay.
told her everything.
even showed her pictures.

told her anything.
even showed her wounds.
maybe i was wrong.
(well, d--uh)
maybe i shouldnt try so hard.
and jst give in to my misfortune.
of losing.
prettymuch everything i have.
aka, health (ciggs arent good),
life (NEARLY in e accident),
leg (thanks to the crash),
friends (well... go figure)
and you (DONT ask).

so yeah
im f*cked.
buttttttttttt....
on the brighter side (like oldwisetales' ALWAYS claim to have),
i have pple like pat, elliot, dilini dear, anshini, mark, ken and even TIFFANY and MEAGHAN and allllllllll who still walk me to tk a cab every morn and every night,
and even msg me to check on me.
and every thing.
every thing they are to me,
ilu guys sooooo much!!!
(((((:

maybe i AM lucky after all.
for returning to life even amidst a highway accident.
to be able to tell everyone i love (incl. u)
that i really DO love them.
every second i wonder if you knew.
or if you just really dont want to.