grey.

i am in absolutely no mood to smile

and pardon me for feeling like the werld is ending on me.

meg:
thanks for the email
i love you a lotttttt
wish you were here with me.
cheer up dear.
things could be so much worse.
right...?

and to sam:
a shout out to my darl
cos he's been putting up w my shitty behavior
and foul foul mood.
ive been pmsing you b
and im sorry.
ilu*
and i hope you knw its jst a bad badddddddddd time for me right now
but i'll get over it.
somehow.
):
stay beside me during this shitty time.
im sorry you have to witness it.

life jst alwaysssssssssss has a way of being shitty
and fucking itself up
when you THINK things have changed for the better.
it jst HAS TO.

and im my usual chronic depression.
when i grow up
and have kids of my own
i will tell them every single moment of my life that i was NOT happy
and let them see the need to change whatever needs changing
and avoid being like their useless mommy
and when its all over,
i wanna show them what ive become.

and i wont let them fall like i did.