you'll always be.

//me n my cuzzie. (: brunett. (she is a blonde btw) (The xmas tree outside wheelock place)
(amanda that cutieeeeee)
(2006 Orchard lightings)
(salvo's starwars thingo at fareast)

(claudia and elicia. models for sure) (lauraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa)

met Danielle my cuzzie wuzzie yday in town.
bought a pair of white pointie shoes!!! (:(:(:
anddd met a few of her friends.
nice girl from ac- Del. (:
and arun and other ppl of cos'.
we watched The Holiday. BESTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT MOVIE ever
(:

ohhh anddd today i went to church mass at 11am. met benwang for a split second
and ran off to attend mass.
OOOOHHHH i had the weirdestttttttt feeling in mass today.

-----
i was sitting near the back (cos i was a tad bit late)
and i spotted this guy of Very skinny physique and i rembr looking for a veryyyyyyyy long time
and he kept touching his hair (tho it didnt help much)
and i kept staring. relentless with my eyes -.-
andddd i didnt recognise the 2 ppl beside him (i assume- are his parents)
and the fan was blowing so hard in his face that he gave his hair a lil side flip
and unintentionally saw me in the corner of his eye.

its was B.- my Breakfast Baby (thats wat i used to call him)

and i think my heart just failed me for that split moment he turned a second time,
as if to savour another second of this forbidden love-
you know...
the kind you want and need but the rest of the werld's agst it.
but you hold on anyway
jst to realise its suffocating whatever's left of this relationship.
then you reach a record low cos' you cant have him.
ohh the grief.

i used to mourn you. B.
cos' we never really had anything - yet we lived a full 3 years.
and maybe 4 months too.
but it was more of a burden to you
to hang onto something so far, physically.
even tho by heart, we're right beside each other.
and you felt me to be more of a mother than a gf-
the kind you'd marry only cos' you can live with me,
not cos' you cant live without me.

so i revolt back into the moment in the church,
with only you in mind.
and i rembr so clearly now- you always touched your hair INCESSANTLY.
i swear i couldve chopped off that lil tail sticking out and that fringe thats too long for vision's sake.
and i rembr your way of standing. always slanted to one side
like a floppy, backbone-less being.
and you always attended mass no matter how under-dressed you were.
and i- being the pious one- would always be slightly overdressed.
we claimed we complemented each other.
or so i tried to.

and during communion,
you glanced at me, as if to rectify your mistake of not acknowledging me when you saw me amongst the congregation.
but you knw im used to it and i really dont mind.

i feel so...
so forgotten. like i mean so insignificant to you.
and my existance was barely a necessity to have and lose.
i really tried being there- even you thought i tried too hard-
and i gave you every bit of myself.
till theres nth left of me for anyone else.

i chose to falter in front of you
so you'll see im weak and in fact, not ready to spend the rest of my life waiting for sm1 thats not gonna wait for me.
i wrote you poems of couples who actually enjoy being in love.
to show you the contrast and irony of being in a relationship.
and i rembr very clearly, a line i read one time,
and i'll never forget-

a relationship's thats on life-support
isnt gonna bring itself back to life.
by Greg Brendt.

B.
you'll alwaysssss be my breakfast baby.
the one i msg first when im in sg.
the one i'd meet every sunday at mass.
you'll always be the one i tell my new bfs to.
the one who made me the happiest girl alive, (before).
the one i'd love no matter how shit you treated me.
and cos' i accepted every lil shit you had to give me,
i will always be here, unconditionally.