STILL F#$%^&* sick.

YES. i knw. its Day 6 of my ordeal-
Tonsilitis + high fever + (new edition) mouth infection.
according the census,
becus i got a bacterial infection (tonsilitis, duh),
my WHOLE mouth has now became swollen with ulcerations, humps n bumps, haemorrhage basically.

i was coughing 3 days back
& blood came out along with the phlegm.
farrel ey?
):

point taken- im STILL bloody sick.
and the antibiotics or analgesics or ANYTHING isnt working.
my high fever makes me have a bad case of migraine and loss of alertness.
and i cant seem to breathe well too.
SUCH A $%^&* PAIN.

anywayyyyyyyyyys the MAIN point of blogging (yes that whole essay wasnt the main thing haha)
is that i have kept cognitions of someone.
someone who means ALOT ALOT,
but i think she cant understand me enough.
so heres a lil smth i wish she'd try to understand.
-----
i knw things dont go the way you feel they should.
and your way may be the nice, perfect way we ALL want things to be.
but thats not easy.
and as much as you think im nt tryin to see you,
i bloody hell am.

in fact,
i have to work 24-7, EVERY bleeding day of my already fucked up life
jst so i can get enough (on my own) to pay for the whole trip to see you.
and mayb we wld hv lotsa fun tog.
mayb even rekindle the time spent apart.

but im my daddy's lil girl.
i dont have the freedom of getting onto any plane i want,
and flying off to any place i want.
its jst nt that simple.
i have to convince him. AND have a lil trade thing with him.
in exchange of the trip, i'll have to repay him using time, (which i DONT have clearly) or some work he wants me to do (which i am NOT capable of).
AND i have to work MORE in sg so my stepmom wldnt think that im wasting money on hols that i dont need.

and whilst i struggle back here in melb,
tryin to wake up each morning to get to work,
hoping that my HIGH FEVER wldnt fail my day and hence, not earn money for the trip,
you're back in YOUR comfort zone,
telling me that yOURE tryin to get me there.

hello!?!?!?
isnt there smth called justice anymorE?
one of the sickrole of a person (as quoted by Talcott Parsons)
is - to be relieved of all responsibilities and roles.
and here i am,
literally slaving my bum off,
trying to work so that you can have a great time being reassured that i will go on the trip to see you.

thats not how things work.
in fact, NOTHING (and NO ONE) works like that.
i wish i cld tell you im filthy rich, living without worries,
lazin ard all day, gg for parties,
resting when sick,
BUTTTT im not.
and you cannot expect someone SICK as i am to do what you want me to do.
so if you dont mind,
understand that i AM trying VERY uberrrr hard to try to see you this hols
cos' i miss you alot. and i reallly loveeeeeeeeeeee you
as much as anyone else.
but im not perfect (in fact, i tink i qualify as the most IMperfect person right now)
and i hope you're not pissed off anymore.

if we're as good girlfrens as we TRULY shld be,
then no trip shld mk us cold,
no distance shld mk us strangers,
no money or time shld mk us selfish,
and no one shld mk us doubt.
thats my theory.
and i hope, even without the trip, when we DO get to meet in sg,
we'll still be like before- the best sd club there is-
and prolly, the strongest one too.